betrayal – Integrity In Truth

May 22, 2026June 1, 2026

The Women Who Uphold (The) Patriarchy… and Normalize Harm-and-Control over Others

I’ve long held the view that (the) patriarchy is not, necessarily, gender specific. It would be a man who would indicate to me that I would endure a “cosmic betrayal.” That betrayal…with sweeping participation among the women… began when non-dual teachers made the agreed-upon decision…across the FULL non-dual teaching spectrum (including Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji, Bentinho, Jeannie Zandi and many others)…making me the ‘fall-guy’ and placing the entirety of the burden for their lies-and-deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family…then silencing (under a death threat) and isolating me for a decade+…ALL to ensure those lies would never become public knowledge.

As an old SAT friend accurately described this dynamic: “…everyone plays dumb to maintain a whitewashed narrative — at your “expense” …(and) is lying about the same thing…”

That “expense” would entail nothing shy of the entirety of this life…and the lives of my family…ALL of which was taken. Sadly, and surprisingly, many of those who upheld the tragic dynamic of having been made the scapegoat for the lies and deceptions of non-dual teachers…were women.

Following a character assassination in 2008, and shortly thereafter, a trail of women in the non-dual space would meet-up with me to cover-for (read: collude) that dynamic with such primary characteristics as an attempted ‘normalization’ of circumstance, obvious over-speak, and a definitive sense of false sisterhood…all marked by pervasive deception.

Picture and feel this: I was connecting with women who I actually elevated due to having realized some non-dual ‘state.’ Most were lying to me…and I could not say anything about what I was witnessing due to having been silenced under a death threat.

In the words of Jon Bernie (a truly brilliant teacher): “Without expression, you cannot wake up.” You cannot be your actual self!

In so many ways, there is the deepest of ignorance among non-dual teachers regarding the Human psyche and the existential blocks that silencing brings to the awakening process.

At that point I was, still, giving way too much significance to what is known as non-dual awakening. As if that would make anyone a better Human or a more integral one…neither of which I witnessed in any of those who had befriended me.

During that time of betrayal, one could say that I, instead, witnessed my own murder by 1,000 cuts.

It was, always, obvious in the moment who these women were covering for. Given the gravity of what they were hiding, the deception was easily sensed, so-much-so that they may as well have come out and said “I’m deceiving (read: betray) you but let’s be ‘friends’ anyway so we can all feel more comfortable with controlling your life.”

It’s what happens when lies have been taken too far down the rabbit hole: the deceptions must be maintained and covered-for at ALL costs, inclusive of any shred of integrity remaining for those teachers and the many covering for them.

The women mentioned in this post are, by no stretch, all of them. Ultimately, not one would say publicly: “This is not right.”

“Internalised patriarchy is when women adopt, believe, and enforce patriarchal ideas themselves — even when those beliefs limit or hurt them and other women.”

I thought, for sure, women — most especially those who were/are mothers — would stand behind me and uphold what I was just beginning to report on: namely the sweeping collusion and complicity in the non-dual space of neo-advaita covering for existential control-over-others in the name of the bi-furcation and transcendence of our Humanity. It would only be, later, that I would realize I had been made the singular ‘fall-guy’ for their lies, deceptions, and existential control-over-others…inclusive of controls-and-the-deliberate-separation-of-a-families…across the entire non-dual platform.

However, that feminine support was not what I found.

What I found was that there are still women who, for whatever reason, chose to actually uphold a certain, existential domination-over-others.

Perhaps there was a dedication to a non-dual teacher or they, themselves, had their own ambitions of teaching or they realized some non-dual state that allows for the actual harm of others.

This dynamic among the women began when non-dual teachers made the agreed-upon decision…across the FULL non-dual teaching spectrum (including Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji, Bentinho, Jeannie Zandi and many others)…making me the ‘fall-guy’ and placing the entirety of the burden for their lies-and-deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family…then silencing (under a death threat) and isolating me for a decade+…ALL to ensure those lies would never become public knowledge.

There is an extreme arrogance to lying.

It’s an arrogance that assumes that the deception cannot be seen through.

Ultimately, it’s an arrogance of (false) superiority.

⚛️ The Ultimate Demise of Fundamentalist Spirituality…The Arrogance of Superiority: https://open.substack.com/pub/leslieread/p/the-ultimate-demise-of-fundamentalist?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

PRIOR TO THE COMPRESSION YEARS…

During a weekend phone gathering with Jeannie Zandi, I attempted to describe the feeling of being forced to hold on to something which, at that point in time, I could not disclose due to a death threat (source: Nome).

Jeannie asked me, “What if I had to hold on to the ‘something,’ that I had described, forever?“

As soon as Jeannie asked that question, I knew beyond any doubt that she was covering for the lies of Nome, etc., by using the very teachings to exert influence over my own sovereign voice and to gaslight me into silence.

A cold chill went through my entire being.

I was later befriended by a handful of Jeannie followers who were actively covering for this silencing…notably: Paul Kaufman, Cynthia Gramer, Traci Fest and Lisa Lindenlaub.

The Definitive Participation of Adyashanti…

Around 2011 I attended a couple talks by Adyashanti given in Santa Cruz. At one of those talks I went up to to the mic to ask a question…Adya’s standard format for putting the ‘ego’ on the spot. Adya’s answer was surprisingly arrogant when he indicated, in the silence, to ‘try and comprehend what it was that I was up against.’ I was well aware of Nome’s occult prowess. It was the smug arrogance of the answer that struck me more than what he actually said.

⚛️ The Unseen Use of Spiritual Power (Siddis) for Control-Over-Others…in Contemporary Non-dual Teachings: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-unseen-use-of-spiritual-power

It was shortly after having an ‘auric block’…an occult mechanism used to restrict relations — primarily intimate relations — for purposes of control that I was visited by two women: Nishkala Leslie Jennings and Rosemary Cochran. Both had lost their husbands to illness. It was evident that they came to visit to try and normalize the fact that I would be alone.

I would be alone… to ensure the deceptions of non-dual teachers would remain hidden
I would be alone…not due to an illness…
I would be alone… not due to my own choice…

…but by an occult restriction…an ‘auric block’ that would affect my entire well-being: emotionally/intimately/sexually, psychologically, spiritually, familially, financially and existentially. It was a death.

Later, Belle Sanjiti (aka: Belle Haywood) would actually taunt me with the notion of a relationship.

One of the key connections to Adyashanti was Susana Marie. We met several times at a local coffee house where she would tell me of her experiences… experiences which I deeply related to and yet it was evident that I could not share them. This connection was one of the first where I would listen to those who would describe their experiences and I had to be silent. This was not necessarily due to anything Susanne did but due to the death threat that I was under.

In 2011 Nishkala Leslie Jennings befriended me on FaceBook under the guise of the energetic sameness of our name: “Leslie.” 🙄

That excuse appeared utterly subversive even as she posted it. Yet, due to my being supplicant to absolutely everything that was beginning to be sent to me for purposes of keeping me silent…and my unfortunate fawning to those who appeared ‘awake’ to non-duality…I went along with the lies.

Nishkala, and her friend Rosemary Cochran, arranged for a visit where they would stay at my home. It was at the moment in the kitchen when I was facing Rosemary…and Nishkala was standing behind me…that Rosemary began to say something about my former teacher, Nome. As she began to speak, I noticed Nishkala’s hands waving to her to remain silent about any knowledge of Nome! Even while (not so) subtle this was one of the more overt giveaways of an early cover-up that, overtime, came in the guise of ‘friendship.’

Nishkala Leslie Jennings & Rosemary Cochran

In 2013, Gangaji gave a talk in Santa Cruz in which it was clearly evident that she was covering for the harmful aspects of Nome such as being the outcast.

⚛️ Character Assassination: https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/character-assassination/

Gangaji’s talk took place at the Sesnon House on the campus of Cabrillo College, literally a stone’s throw away from my office.

Shortly after the visit with Nishkala and Rosemary, and right before The Compression Years, two wannabe teachers appeared under the guise of helping me: Brigit Ananya and Nancy Ginty (former wife of John Wheeler and now known as Prajna O’Hara). (As of this writing Brigit has blocked me and Prajna has blocked me on her teaching and writing platforms.) Both were clearly covering for my former teachers. And both were more interested in their attempt to ‘teach’ me than any revelation of the truth of what had happened to myself and my family.

Not to mention the actual Truth.

During The Compression Years…Fall 2013-Fall 2015

By FAR, most of the women who had been sent to me were associated with Adyashanti. So much so that I have to wonder if ‘The Compression Years’ was Adya’s idea to keep me isolated and silenced. Many of these teachers were on board with extreme Gurdjieffian techniques to provoke an “experience of God.”

There were real crimes against Humanity in this regard…and the isolation and silencing of ‘The Compression Years’ was filled with absolute criminality.

Marilyn Madden, Maja Apolonia Rodé and Karen Richards

⚛️ The ‘Compression Years’…of isolation and deliberate silencing (under a death threat) at the hands of non-dual teachers…in which Adyashanti played a key role: https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/the-compression-years-2013-2015/

Two women were more overt in their discomfort with what was happening.

They were rebel Kiran Trace de Jaray and Marlies Coccheret, both teachers who had indicated their utter discomfort with what was happening to me. It was Kiran who encouraged my “NO!!” when I was being pressured to move clear across the country to North Carolina to help with Bentinho’s community.

That said, neither of them could speak out.

Or, at least, I never heard about it. Marlies’s absolute discomfort, when I was in session with her, was clearly evident.

Marilyn Madden, close family friend to Adyashanti, was by far the most avid woman actively covering for the sweeping lies of these teachers. She was THE link to all the others in Open Gate.

Additionally, and this is important, she was a close family friend of Adyashanti.

During The Compression Years I was actually paying for sessions with some of the women to help me out with what I had been forced to hold…women who were not being honest and forthright with me regarding their knowledge of my former teachers and of what was occurring at their hands to myself and my family. They were:

Sonya Amrita Bibilos
Marlies Cocheret (who, as mentioned, was clearly not comfortable with the position I was forced into)
Pernilla Rose
Kate McNamara, the psychic’s psychic
Julie Yau, trauma expert and speaker at SAND

…all were covering for these teachers.

Looking to use a coupon for horse rides across the bay, I invited Marilyn. Not surprisingly Marilyn would not ride in the same car with me! That’s how much safety was being taken to keep my voice utterly silent and to ensure that certain topics would never come up.

Aile Shebar was a key player in the Poonja tribe. While helpful in some ways she also engaged in a dramatic example over-speak when we visited a relative of hers in the Bay area. I could NOT have gotten a word in edge-wise if I had tried!! 🥹

Yet she is the one who…perhaps accidentally?…described my situation as akin to being “buried alive.”At the time she uttered those words I had not felt the full force of the truth behind them. That would come as I witnessed the deliberate separation of my family while I was silenced under a death threat from speaking out. It was then, that I could barely breathe.

Aile Shebar & myself w/ the safety of fawning

Two of the most stalwart, early protectors of patriarchal teachers were Mirjam Temba and Sattva Lynn. I consider some of Mirjam’s earlier patriarchal postings to be downright harmful in the utter dismissal of our Humanity.

⚛️ The Tangled Web of Deception: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-tangled-web-of-deception

During the ‘Compression Years’ I made a reconnection with Nancy Ginty, who was now going by the name of Prajna. We ended up spending significant time together as she attempted to be a teacher to me! I took the cover photo for the 1^st edition of her book “Edge f Grace” which has since been replaced by a newer edition. At one visit to her home, she actually had to whisper when talking about my situation…that’s how nuclear and secretive my presence had to be.

Regarding patriarchal non-duality as taught by women…I attended a talk in Scotts Valley where I was hoping Prajna and Meike Schutt might offer some integral, feminine insight into the constrictions on this life. That was not what I heard from these two women. In fact, during the dialogue portion, I was so disgusted with the answers…answers completely devoid of our Humanity…that I almost got up and walked out.

I am now blocked from Prajna’s teaching and writing platforms!

The women I had the most contact with during The Compression Years were: Marilyn Madden, Maja Apolonia Rodé, Aile Shebar, Kate Hawkins (via phone: the psychic’s psychic who encouraged me to ‘let go’ of my family!!), Prajna Ginty and Carol Skolnick. Carol, among all of them, was the most critical of harmful teachings, most notably the teachings of Byron Katie.

After The Compression Years…and the Move to Portland:

The two years following The Compression Years involved a deepening concentration of my right to exist and to find a way to my rightful voice in winding my way free from what had been accurately called a “Soul murder.”

⚛️ Coffee Lane and the many engaging in sweeping deception: https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/coffee-lane-and-the-two-years-prior-to-moving-to-portland-december-2015-july-2018-%e2%9c%be/

Shortly after arriving in Portland, I met up with John and Lorraine Thomas…former SAT members who later practiced with Adyashanti. The primary message during their short visit for tea was that Adyashanti, of course, had nothing to do with what happened to me!!

Adya had everything to do with what occurred in this life and to my family.

Following that meeting I learned that Catherine and Michael Weiss Boucher had just moved to Portland. I was under the naïve assumption that by merely talking with ANY of these people and explaining my situation that they would understand. Catherine had been friends with both Nome and Russell during college, and actually lived with them. Catherine was perhaps the only one at SAT to have met Nisargadatta Maharaj in person.

The last thing she would ever do would betray Nome and Russ. So, she listened with as much compassion as possible while maintaining a cover for teachings she had been involved with for decades.

Realizing we were both in the same town, Facebook friend Amaya Gregory contacted me for tea. At this meeting she attempted an energy shifting and clearing. There was a felt sense of arrogance around this. Again, it was obvious who she was/is covering for…and, she too, was surprised when I gave her a fawning hug at the end of the meeting.

❧

“Before the rise of formal religions and patriarchy women knew ‘right sisterhood’ as a Soul experience.They knew the sacredness of their sexuality, their emotions, their creativity, their wisdom and their intuition.There is nothing to prove with ‘right sisterhood.’ She is enough. She is valued. She is loved. She is perfect God energy in feminine form.” ~Molly McCord, “Infinite Sparks of a Bonfire, chapter 15 and on Substack: https://substack.com/@intuitiveastrologymollymccord

Before the rise of formal religions and patriarchy women knew ‘Right Sisterhood’ as a Soul experience. With Right Sisterhood… acceptance, detachment, honor, and respect allowed all women to gracefully be themselves.

The truth of Right Sisterhood has diminished and shrunk in patriarchal society as women became programmed at a young age to compete, stand out, be perfect, and follow gender roles. All of this pervasive messaging established what it meant to be valued, seen, and loved.

At SAT, the patriarchal spiritual organization I was with for over two decades Russell Smith actually stated, out-loud, that “a certain amount of jealousy was good.” Unwittingly or even consciously he was encouraging shadow feminine and elements/energies within the female population at that organization and encouraging their full participation, unwitting as it may have been, in their own patriarchal control.

Typing those words actually brings a sense of shock in this day-and-age, given what we are now seeing play out in the greater global collective.

False sisterhood is based on shadow feminine energies. In some cases, shadow feminine energy supports shadow masculine energies. That was most certainly the case in this lifetime at the very point when I was made the ‘fall-guy’ for this ‘rush to transcendence’ and largely for patriarchal non-dual spirituality.

False sisterhood is when you do not feel safe to be yourself, share your truth, or connect with others. The entire decade+ that I had been silenced and forced to carry lies that were not mine, it was absolutely impossible for me to be myself.

The truly surprising part and probably the most imprisoning was when, over the years, it would be the actual women tied to those organizations-and-teachers who would be the most critical in ensuring my silence. Aside from lying directly-to-me, this happened by various psychological mechanisms such as ‘love bombing.”

“Love-bombing is a form of psychological and emotional abuse in which a person uses excessive displays of attention or affection to gain power and emotional control — creating an ‘epistemic trust.’ “

This emotional connection creates ‘epistemic trust,’ meaning the gaslighter will have a greater influence over the person’s beliefs, including beliefs about themself…”

It would not be until I actually started writing on Substack, leaving the majority of my writing on my website www.integrityintruth.com and moving my expression onto a new platform, that I began a long-awaited return to my authentic self.

It was as if I was transferring the energy from a website that still contained a substantial amount of fawning and deference…which was a way of protecting myself from the existential threats on this life…to claiming a right to exist and take up space.

This was such an airtight collusion…one where Jac O’Keeffe and the entire formation of the ASI looked to protect…and is finally evolving to a much greater transparency instead of hiding behind the notion that spirituality is all the “wild, wild west” where there can be no accountability.

From this space I began the process of slowly healing the energies back to love…and safety of expression. This is, by no means, a complete journey. I was/am digging out from years of existential control in a spiritual system deeply steeped in protective and controlling patriarchal norms.

Our individual and collective Soul missions involve healing all of our memories of separation from God…across lifetimes. This was indeed the case as intuitive astrology was the clear forerunner providing the cosmic mechanisms that were the most helpful in digging myself out from patriarchal suppression that not only included silencing but may have also included crucifixion. And an ode to Jupiter in Cancer, providing the necessary self-care during the past twelve years, without which I most certainly would have been a goner!!

It was not until I went further, and much deeper, into intuitive astrology…especially with astrologers who had no allegiance to any particular teachers…that I found a community among those on an awakening journey. Those who upheld right action, integrity and Truth. The Cosmos has no allegiance.

⚛️ The Mystery of Past Lives: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-mystery-of-past-lives

On the global stage we are seeing this same dynamic of women who are supporting a convicted felon and rapist of young girls…continuing-on with their support in spite of growing evidence of horrendous criminality becoming more and more prominent.

⚛️ A Message on Our Core Values: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/a-message-on-our-core-values

This singular rift is unlike anything we have ever witnessed on this entire planet and it’s not just occurring in the United States.

Ultimately it would take the betrayal within an intimate relationship for me to claim a self-love so strong that it would remove me entirely from that patriarchal dynamic.

⚛️ Carl Jung: Individuation and the Empath’s Road Back to Their Authentic Self: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/carl-jung-individuation

We may actually be seeing… right before our very eyes… that same kind of dynamic where the powers-that-be ultimately display a betrayal so vast and so unmistakable that the entire collective wakes-up to a self-love so strong in its refusal to ever again betray itself!

Perhaps there could be the process of individuation and awakening on the collective level!

Thank you, always, for following my work…please message me if you would like to share your own experiences with control-over-others or if you have any questions.

Warmly…🌷

-Leslie@integrityintruth.com

On Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/leslieread and at Integrity in Truth: Integrityintruth.com

February 14, 2026May 25, 2026

Carl Jung: Individuation

….and the Empath’s Road Back to Their Authentic Self

“When someone’s shadow is reflected back through another person’s clear perception, the unconscious mind has two choices: integrate the shadow or attack the mirror. Jung documented this pattern repeatedly in his clinical work. The person who sees clearly gets blamed for creating the problems they’re merely observing.“ ~Carl Jung

This creates what Jung called the scapegoat phenomenon.

The Scapegoat Phenomenon courtesy Bing Images

In the case here…I was merely observing the lies-and-deceptions of non-dual teachers, which I was giving-a-pass to in the name of spiritual ‘evolution’ and ‘Freedom’ when, later, non-dual teachers would make the agreed-upon decision…across the FULL non-dual teaching spectrum (including Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji, Jeannie Zandi and many others)…to place the ENTIRETY of the burden for their lies-and-deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family.

That criminal decision made it virtually impossible for me to be myself. Some called it a ‘Soul murder’ akin to being ‘buried alive.’

“Individuation is the courage to be oneself.” ~Carl Jung

“Highly perceptive individuals often become the designated problem in every group they enter, not because they cause problems, but because they reveal problems that already exist in the collective unconscious. Jung observed: “The bearer of superior perception becomes the repository for all that the group cannot consciously acknowledge about itself. This pattern explains why these individuals don’t just feel misunderstood, they feel systematically targeted by a force they can’t rationally explain.” -Carl Jung

In the most recent months of my healing journey, I began to piece-back-together the “Soul fragmentation” that was a result of having been silenced (under a death threat) and isolated at the hands of non-dual teachers. When those teachers made their decision to scapegoat me I was silenced (under a death threat) for a decade+…to ensure those lies would never never become public knowledge. This criminality has been described as a ‘Soul murder’ akin to being ‘buried alive.’ Those are absolutely accurate descriptions of the feeling of what occurred here. There has been zero accountability and no one who said “this is not right.”

It would be the Jungian teachings…along with the understanding of Evolutionary Astrology which Jung, also, intuitively understood and adhered to… that provided some of the deepest-and-clearest answers as to “why?”

⚛️ The Mystery of Past Lives: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-mystery-of-past-lives

“What really happens when you, finally…perhaps after lifetimes…begin to love yourself?”

According to Carl Jung, self-love is not a mindset or a motivational habit. It is a psychological transformation that restructures your entire relational world. You no longer accept certain behaviors; you establish boundaries where, before, there were none AND this new energy frequency repels some people/things/situations and newly attracts others who are more in alignment with your current, evolved vibrational energy.

As is often-the-case, an unexpected catalyst arrived in this life…one that would ultimately demand my own self-respect and self-love.

In this life, individuation would be unexpectedly-and-intensely catalyzed through a connection with a man I was deeply attracted to. This man was very adept at tantra: in this case, a tantra used for emotional manipulation (one could call that ‘toxic tantra’ – a deeply controlling drug-like sexual method that, I intuited, was directed by Gangaji and Eli Jaxon-Bear, during this man’s visit to Ashland). It turned out this was a man who also knew of my former teachers and of what occurred at their hands. With the connection to this man those teachers were hoping for a ‘sexual awakening’ upon which they would, then, restore my estranged family which Nome had restricted. (In certain cultures and spiritual traditions, the manipulation of families was often used to force certain spiritual outcomes.)

Obviously this man was not being forthcoming-and-honest with me about the connection with those teachers…or anything else in his life.

That betrayal ultimately forced-my-hand and re-organized the entirety of how I looked at myself, my world, my truth and The Universe.

In this profound sense, that man was an evolutionary catalyst and ultimate Blessing in this life.

Up until this point, I had been led to believe, especially in the non-dual teachings I was involved with for over 20+ years, that to deny oneself is the way to spiritual freedom. The standard ego-diminishment approach of radical, transcendent-addicted non-duality.

No doubt that radical approach to transcendent awakening can work (depending on what you consider ‘awake’) especially in an airtight, insular environment where there has been an establishment of “complete trust.” I saw this approach be successful with a handful of friends who, then, looked horrified as they could, finally, see what I had been forced to hold for years.

For many years, I felt that my trust and devotion was, certainly, strong enough to withstand such a complete ‘erasure.’

That was until that trust would be completely betrayed beginning with the ‘character assassination’ and numerous instances that culminated in Russ stating (in a taped session) that “we had to pick someone” indicating that I would be sidelined out of “Sudden Awakening” as I would be, ultimately, at SAT several years later. This sidelining was ALL due to seeing through the lies of these teachers.

⚛️ Character Assassination: https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/character-assassination/

⚛️ The Existential Danger of Radical Non-Duality: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-existential-danger-of-radical

The connection with this catalyst man forced the unspoken ultimatum of a profound Love…but only if I would continue to:

– betray myself

– betray my family and

– betray the truth of a situation.

It was a betrayal SO UTTERLY COMPLETE: asking me to uphold the lies of non-dual teachers…to succumb to the very real occult (via siddis) manipulation of my family and to uphold a patriarchal, transcendent teaching that I no longer believed in as being the liberating teaching. All of those, together, was something I could NOT do.

It would take me many months of back-and-forth and for my conscious understanding to seep down in to exactly what my Soul was demanding. I was intensely attracted to this man and was, at that point, emotionally starved from the existential restriction of an ‘auric block’ which restricted all relations, primarily intimate relationships, for obvious reasons.

Over the following months, noticeably beginning around June of 2025, I began to see the actual play of this unconscious attachment…and how my connection to this man was being weaponized by non-dual teachers to ensure their lies and deceptions would never become public knowledge. My former teachers, no doubt, felt my empathic over-giving, people-pleasing nature would continue in her self-betrayal…especially as I had been blocked and surveilled (via ‘auric block’ and ‘psychic implant’) from relations, primarily intimate ones, for over a decade…a block that would affect every single area of my life: mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, familial etc.

It was the connection with this man, who touted his own self-love…as any proud Leo is apt to do (!)…that began to catalyze my own journey of self-love, self-respect and, ultimately, back to myself. Slowly, I stopped negotiating my own self-worth for access-to-love and I stopped bargaining my unconsciously devalued-self and began to return to my own inner authority. Belonging, no matter who or what it’s to would never require you to betray yourself.

Finally, I stopped negotiating my self-worth for this man’s access.

When I finally decided “no more”…this man said “I don’t know if I should be glad or sad for you.” That was as close as he would ever get to being honest with me.

When I was forced, under threat for more than a decade, to be the “holder” for the lies and deceptions of non-dual teachers it became impossible to “become who I truly was.”

“Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.”~Brene Brown

Self-betrayal is the empath’s learned survival strategy and mechanism. This was, absolutely acknowledged by Nome…indeed, he would rely on my compliance to ensure the corruption in the non-dual space would never become public knowledge.

The empath learns to bargain their Soul and soften their boundaries in order to become acceptable.

This was definitely reinforced in the non-dual path…as it is in many traditions.

“Boundaries are an act of selfishness” and “Victims are violent people.” ~Byron Katie

An interesting memory came up when I was contemplating this aspect of the empath: I remember exactly the moment of recognition by Nome, in the middle of a talk, when he acknowledged, in silence, the ‘spiritual’ aspect of my own propensity of over-giving, akin to the martyr complex in Catholicism. It was a moment of understanding regarding the mutual symbiotic relationship between the empath and the controlling doctrine involving lies and deceptions of this teacher.

It was about people who see everything others miss, and why this ability destroys them. In his clinical practice, Jung documented patients with what he called “differentiated perception.” Individuals who could read micro-expressions, sense hidden emotions, and perceive psychological patterns that escaped everyone else. They saw through social masks, detected lies instantly, and felt the unconscious tensions in every room. Jung called this discovery “dangerous” because these people consistently ended up isolated, exhausted, and unable to maintain normal relationships. ~Carl Jung

People began to disappear as I was growing into myself. Deep inside I knew this was/is no mistake. I could feel the profound inner re-alignment under way. For the first time in this life…and no doubt lifetimes…I was beginning to feel like myself. There would be the felt snapshots-of-perception when, interiorly, everything fell into alignment. This was a new sensation. As this Self began to become the center of my psyche, relationships…and everything else not in that same frequency…began to reorganize naturally. This feels to be the ongoing process of lifetime(s).

…a LONG time!

Thank you for following this journey of a Soul reclaiming herself. No doubt this is the path of many sensitive beings.

As I grow in my own process I will add posts of the Wisdom of Carl Jung as it pertains to the empath and the process of individuation. There are, currently, many videos that beautifully capture and animate the teachings of Carl Jung…especially regarding the psychology of the empath and the, oftentimes, arduous road to individuation and the role of the healed empath.

A couple examples:

“The empathic individuals inability to forgive emotional deception isn’t weakness. Jung would call it the Wisdom of the integrated Self… the ultimate act of psychological integrity.”

⚛️ “The one emotional mistake super empaths never forgive”… https://youtu.be/bOQzQiT15CY

⚛️ Why Empaths Who Stop Caring Become the Most Dangerous of All…(it’s never that we ‘stop’ caring!) yet this is a powerful video: https://youtu.be/xwALbIQayX4

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or would like to discuss an aspect of your own journey.

Warmly,

-Leslie@integrityintruth.com

⚛️ And on substack: https://substack.com/@leslieread/posts

Next up: The False Sense of Belonging…and other aspects, links and videos pertaining to Carl Jung and the liberating process of individuation.

October 20, 2025November 13, 2025

The Ultimate Demise of Fundamentalist Spirituality…

The Arrogance of Superiority

Hands-down, one of the stickiest issues for me in leaving the cult of radical non-duality was the one of superiority…and of barely being able to tolerate ‘others’ who were not anywhere near a similar path. The notion that we were the “chosen ones” had not only been a very large part of the unseen, subtle indoctrination but one that was, quite literally, embedded in my bones over the course of my 20+ years at SAT (The Society of Abidance in Truth). This dynamic was not only endemic to this cult but is seen playing out, similarly, in much larger cults, such as the Osho cult. While certainly not stated out loud, it was deeply implied that we were ‘The Chosen Ones’…Narcissism at its height.

⚛️ The Cult of Radical Non-Duality: http://: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-cult-of-non-duality

One of the biggest…and most fraught…downfalls of such arrogance is that this worldview lays the perfect ground for the justification of lies-and-deceptions. The fact that Nome and Russell Smith were/are serial liars is well-known in the non-dual community. The entire set-up of the organizations at Nome and Sasvati’s SAT (Society of Abidance in Truth), Russell Smith and Helga Schleiter-Smith’s “Way of Sudden Awakening” and Candace O’Denver and Russell Smith’s “Great Freedom/Balanced View” were/are ALL based on lies, deceptions and emotional manipulations of their followers.

These types of tactics are, in no way, confined to these teachers but are part of a broad-based aspect of functioning within many fundamentalist groups. The fact that these groups were/are “non-dual” is NO exception to this destructive and coercive dynamic.

One of the truly sad aspects, within my own experience, is knowing that there are, still, people at SAT who are subject to this arrogance of manipulation…some who are the very people Nome set-out to help: the Indians. Questions during Satsang by those who have ‘awakened’ (according to Nome’s definition) are staged-and-repeated by those same people.

To this day non-duality is hailed as the equivalent to the Teachings of The Christ and The Buddha whose teachings involved so much more than mere non-duality. There is a very definitive sense of right-and-wrong and ethical standards.

Many non-dual teachers, such as Leonard Jacobson, actually advertise their programs on this false equivalency to the Teachings of The Christ…as did Nome and Russell Smith. I had to point out to Leonard on one such thread that The Christ nor The Buddha would have ever given a pass to such actions as described in this letter: ⚛️ ASI LETTER (Assoc. for Spiritual ‘Integrity’) 03/06/2023 at the end of which is a link to a short recording (22 min.) detailing the occult controls over 4-generations of my family… to which Rick Archer said to just “walk away”…https://www.dropbox.com/s/hga3c7zpo1v973j/ASI%20Letter%2003%3A06%3A23.pdf?dl=0&e=1&fbclid=IwAR2hNCDCiHgzRQrXqce9WFFH5vgHGHoGlda3PUlGKT2n1qMuoFfoMadMbvs

The HUMAN side of this is that 4-generations of my family were involved in the fallout from the sweeping deceptions of these teachers. We’ve all seen that one can be awake to Wholeness and yet that, in no way, means one is free from shadow or is somehow a balanced and decent human.

When there is the arrogance of superiority there is no room for discussion.

“Non-duality has LONG had within its approach the trap of just another superiority view of “spirituality/being-ness.” Any “superior” approach, whether it’s Christian, non-dual, Buddhist, Hindi, Muslim, atheist, etc. has already chosen a slippery slope practice, and invites the opportunity for exploitation, control, judgement, and exclusion. If one hasn’t processed and cleared out their subconscious “psychological basement” of cultural, religious, and familial fear-based and limiting beliefs, one will be susceptible to being controlled or capable of being controlled by a variety of “monsters” in various religious, monastic, or political garb.” ~Judith Froemming

While I absolutely agree with Judith’s statement there are many who become entangled due to the unseen-and-controlling mis-use of siddis (occult powers) which so easily mimic The Divine. This was most certainly the case at SAT. One could have cleared out their “psychological basement” all they want and still get entangled with these unseen forces.

Mere non-duality is just that: it is wholeness. In the words of FaceBook friend Kim Rome referring to my description of ‘awake’ non-dual teachers she responded : “They are not awake. They are living in a transcendent reality that is marked by spiritual materialism and bypassing.”
The depth of this statement is deeply profound.

⚛️ The Rush to Transcendence…and the existential consequences: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-rush-to-transcendence

In many, if not ALL, ways…the teaching of non-duality is a teaching on self-betrayal.

In the Universal, on-going, law of as-above-so-below we are seeing play-out the arrogant superiority of fundamentalist, white Christian nationalism. So-much-so that the crosses being worn by all those in the Trump administration are beginning to burn-the-skin of those who wear them with the growing reveal of criminality, in many forms, but in a form most heinous: the cover-up of global child sex trafficking. Possibly the largest cover-up in the world of sex crime. ALL this emanating from the white, fundamentalist Christianity as spelled-out, in its entirety, in the document: Project 2025 and carried out by the man-behind-the-curtain and architect of the diabolical family separations: Stephen Miller. (link below).

⚛️https://static.heritage.org/project2025/2025_MandateForLeadership_FULL.pdf

⚛️ A Message on Our Core Values: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/a-message-on-our-core-values

As with all forms of superiority this, too, will crumble under its own weight…as we are beginning to see with our own eyes.

Thank you for following my work. 🙏

Please feel free to contact me with any questions or comments. ❣️🌷

Warmly,

-Leslie@ integrityintruth.com

⚛️ www.integrityintruth.com

⚛️ https://leslieread.substack.com/publish/posts/publish

The statement below accurately sums up the absolutist teachings of Nome, dismissing our Humanity as essentially unreal, where ANY action…even actions of criminality…will be covered-for by the fundamentalism of his teachings…until they aren’t!

June 4, 2025May 19, 2026

The Mystery of Past Lives…

and the profound pointing of intuitive astrology in the understanding of Karmic SoulCycles

“We can’t really understand our place in the universe without grasping the principle of evolution over lifetimes.” ~Alan Leo

My story has been one of a lot of sacrifice in knowing things that I could not talk about. In this life it was the knowing of the lies and deceptions of non-dual teachers…teachers who then silenced me (under threat) and isolated me for a decade+ to ensure those lies would never become public knowledge. This effectively placed the entire burden for those deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family.

Would those lies, ultimately, become secrets that I keep forever, essentially, betraying my own life…and the lives of my family?

That was the single-most karmic lesson I had to answer in this life. And there was no other modality more helpful in digging myself out of this existential hole…a ‘grave’ that some have likened to a “Soul murder” akin to being “buried alive” resulting in what Carl Jung referred to as ‘Soul Fragmentation’…than intuitive astrology, otherwise known as Evolutionary Astrology.

Evolutionary Astrology has been attributed to both Steven Forrest and Jeffrey Wolf Green. Both have been deeply helpful on my journey. “We can’t make sense of the birth chart without giving credence to the conditions of prior lifetimes.” ~Steven Forrest (in interview with Chris Brennan on The Astrology Podcast: ⚛️ https://youtu.be/itkBygnVqtg?si=Zz11I5RNC82id5oc )

Before I go into a few details of the chart, there were a quite a few life circumstances, a few which I will describe, that point to prior lifetime(s) of spiritual suppression and oppression (and, possible, crucifixion). Intuiting that the birth chart represents the Soul’s navigating tool from that karma, the circumstances in this life pointed to a karmic SoulCycle recreating itself, in present-time, for the very purpose of resolve…should I ‘choose.’

Firstly…I am not an astrologer.

That said, and perhaps it was fate, I was extraordinarily blessed to have come in contact with a handful of intuitive astrologers who are deeply connected and ‘awake’ Cosmic readers. It is to these highly intuitive readers of the Cosmos that I am deeply indebted. I consider it a profound display of The-Grace-of-The-Universe that these astrologers crossed my path, at just the right moment.

It was the generosity of these connections, in combination with the modern-day astrology software, that enabled me to follow along with the intricate and complex language of the cosmos-in-motion and the connection of those planetary objects with the astrological map of my birth chart. Without these astrologers and the attending software, it would have been impossible.

As a young girl, in 2^nd-4^th grade there were profound spiritual experiences tied to a deep devotion to The Christ. This devotion, and full-on trust, was so deep that it would result in what is now commonly known as bliss, flow-states and experiences of manifestations. During this time, that devotion led me to attend church daily for several months after which I noticed certain disturbing inconguencies in what was being presented…even though the services were delivered in Latin!

Yet, it was never my family who placed such spirituality upon me. My mother was a divorced woman who had married my Catholic step-father. His roots were in a deeply religious family who were chased out of Austria by Hitler because his father was a religious writer. Because of their marriage my mother and step-father were essentially ex-communicated and, because of that, they never influenced me towards the church. In fact, my mother once exclaimed “If this is what your God is about, I want nothing to do with it (referring to the church).”

Thus, my experiences and participation in the church, at such a young age, were never due to a familial pressure or influence. The extraordinary pull was from some entirely different place.

Instead, it’s my feeling that my devotion to The Christ was from some ‘thing’…or some time…wholly different and un-nameable. That devotion would have HAD to have been from a prior lifetime.

This connection/devotion seemed to fade away as I entered middle and high-school, and although the manifestations continued I never thought they were out of the ordinary.

Fast forward to 1989 when I met non–dual teacher Nome. There was instant recognition, along with the perception of his occult powers (siddis), from day-one. These powers he rarely showed to others. My feeling, at the time, was that this was a teacher manifest similarly to what I had experienced as a young girl with The Christ.

Those who follow my posts know that I, ultimately, became the ‘holder’ for the lies of Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver…all ‘awake’ teachers looking to awaken others in this ‘Rush to Transcendence.’

(When shadow grows to God-like proportions and the Rush-to-Transcendence: ⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/the-rush-to-transcendence/ )

There were several instances with these teachers that pointed to past lives. In a first private Nome stated, at the onset: “You are one blessed and graced individual.” I had no idea to what he was referencing.

Nome’s teaching was primarily one of renunciation and negation. ANY negation went entirely against everything I experienced as a young girl…where everything was included. Nothing was left out.

I expressed this to Nome in this private where he conceded and then said to “… welcome everything.” More importantly, he said I “must have renounced in a prior lifetime.” In the moment, that struck-a-deep-cord and made complete sense.

Throughout my 2-decade+ time with those teachers/teachings, the primary teaching was internal as I did not align with negation or renunciation of any kind.

Separately Russell, Nome’s brother, stopped me in the hallway near the SAT chai room and remarked upon my posture. I have slight kyphosis and scoliosis, which I never paid much attention to. He said this posture might be a response to a prior lifetime of shame and isolation. That, too, rang true.

Fast forward to somewhat more current times when, during “The Compression Years” (2013-2015), I would occasionally order a computerized astrological reading from the Steven Forrest website. I was always amazed at how accurate they were. It was during these years of deliberate isolation and silencing (under a death threat) that I could feel the truth…of even a report generated by the computer…as the geometry of the stars doesn’t lie.

(The ‘Compression Years’…of isolation and deliberate silencing (under a death threat) at the hands of non-dual teachers…in which Adyashanti played a key role: ⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/the-compression-years-2013-2015/ )

In 2016, I had a free 15 minute reading with intuitive astrologer Kristin Fontana. In that reading she said, from the get-go, that I had the same axis and houses which may have tied me to the time of The Christ…that I might have been there.

That, too, rang true.

Later, when I was deliberating deeply if-and-when-and-how I would release-the-information about the lies and deceptions that I had been forced (under threat) to hold Kristin suggested I meditate on the following profound question: “When you are no longer in the physical body, and you are looking back upon your life, what would your Soul have wanted you to do?”

That settled it.

In order to release and end this Soul Cycle…and free myself…I would have to regain my voice and exercise justice for myself, and my family.

As my understanding of astrology began to unfold for me…so, too, did the unfolding of my reporting on, not only, my former teachers but of the sweeping deception in the non-dual community that surrounded this “cosmic betrayal” – an apt description of sweeping betrayal by Matt Licata of what happened in this life.

(The Tangled Web of Deception: ⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/the-tangled-web-of-deception/ )

“The principle of karma…extends lifetime-to-lifetime-to-lifetime…until we break the pattern. Your birth chart is your Soul’s lesson plan. Ergo, your birth chart represents everything ‘wrong’ with you… and how to fix it. There is humility…and the triumphant appearance of human potential.” ~Steven Forrest

I slowly began to understand some of the planetary influences…notably what played out with Pluto in Capricorn (top-down-authority) during the entire time I had been silenced since 2008. In my natal chart Pluto is in Leo 8^th house in strong opposition to my Sun at 15° Aquarius.

Additionally, there is a grand-cross in my natal chart with female spiritual warrior archetypes: Eris and Black Moon Lilith both in aspect, respectively, to my mid-heaven and ascendent…and in strong square to the electric Uranus.

As Astrologer Pam Gregory has stated regarding these female archetypes: “Eris fights against elitism, against deception…and against injustice. Just like Black Moon Lilith…she is unrelenting in doing that. She is the warrior sister of Mars and reflects tremendous beneficial purpose for the collective. ERIS archetype: goddess of discord…the female awakener. She gives not a jot for consequences! She’s about Truth, integrity and waking people up so their needs are being heard.”

Henry Seltzer, who has written a book on Eris, stated: “Mars fights because he wants to and Eris fights because she has to.” (It’s Henry’s TimePassages Astrology software that has been SO helpful: ⚛️ https://www.astrograph.com/astrology-software )

While all these astrologers were/are deeply helpful there were some astrologers who were obviously concerned that I would spill-the-beans regarding the deceptions of non-dual teachers. In my view, that is being loyal to a dogma…and not to the truth, and, certainly, not to the complete independence and lack-of-bias of The Cosmos.

Truth-is-not-Truth where there is a lack of integrity.

So my reporting began.

As I began to dig myself out of the existential controls-over this-life The Universe offered an intuitive astrologer who generously posted free weekly updates via podcast. This astrologer’s extraordinary cosmic read on the energies would literally walk me out-of-the-ground of having been “buried alive” (an accurate description). Her name is Molly McCord. She exhibited no such loyalty to non-dual teachers that I had intuited from several other astrologers but gave deeply intuitive reads on the Cosmic weather and how it supported our “Individuation” (a Jungian term) which I might have, previously-and-mistakenly, equated with ‘ego.’

For actual awakened freedom some people may need to diminish their ego…for others, they may need to build their ego up!

My Chiron (the wounded healer) is in the 1^st house challenging my right to even exist.

It was when I posted my birth chart for past-life suggestions that my Astrologer-Friend Shellie Enteen pointed out the South Node in my 9^th house. On, even, quick-glance she said the following about my birth chart:
“This is your birth chart. Looks like the Sag rising with Chiron conjunct is that the Part-of-Spirit near the Galactic Center would make you crusade for truth in this realm. Also, your chart ruler is Jupiter and conjunct Mars and the north node in the third house would suggest these communications about spiritual matters and something you might be angry (Mars) about that felt like victimization (Pisces). But that is the evolutionary direction, whereas the south node Virgo in the 9th was the old lives of giving into a restrictive dogma through a spiritual teacher. Also Saturn in Libra there suggests this is karma to clear.”

“The most important single contribution of twentieth-century astrology is that astrology is not a map of one’s fixed destiny but is a potential map of the unfolding of the authentic, higher self.” ~Robert Hand, from the foreword of Liz Greene’s Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil. This would be the job of this lifetime: the profound healing of my Saturn.

Of course, there is no clear-cut textbook explanation, but what you intuitively feel when looking at your own chart. The entire chart is karmic!!

“This deeper kind of astrology is high voltage work . It may have been our fate to experience certain things, but it’s our freedom in how we process it internally.” ~Steven Forrest

“Energy is neither created nor destroyed.” ~Albert Einstein… describing a core principle of physics and, as it turns out, of our Soul.

An interesting short video on Origen’s radical teaching that the Soul existed before birth: Your Soul Always Existed…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzwenvGNzSU

Thank you for reading…and following my work. Please join me for a full journey of my life through the cult of non-duality at Integrity in Truth .

-Leslie Read

And on substack: ⚛️ https://substack.com/@leslieread/posts

March 20, 2025May 25, 2026

The Tangled Web of Deception

“What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive.” ~Sir Walter Scott

The famous words from Sir Walter Scott’s poem are a warning about the consequences of deceptions and dishonesty which, invariably, lead to a web of complications.

In some cases, an enormous web.

This was, most certainly the case when non-dual teachers made the decision to place the entirety of the burden for their lies and deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family. In doing so, they required (and needed) the complicity and collusion of the full-sweep of currently acting non-dual teachers to provide an air-tight container that would uphold those lies should I ever speak out about what I had been forced (under existential threat) to hold.

This deceptive web forced the cooperation of ALL those who were/are teaching the non-dual “truth.” The hypocrisy and arrogance of teaching the “truth” while lying was easily covered-for within the structure of absolutist teachings.

“…everyone plays dumb to maintain a whitewashed narrative — at your expense …(and) is lying about the same thing…” ~A former member of SAT…in conversation with me… describing the impervious wall-of-deception in the non-dual community.

There are two main types of lying-to-others: direct lying and lying-by-omission.

The vast majority of ‘awake’ folks in the non-dual space lied-by-omission to me. The standard refrain was that they “never heard of my former teachers.” Or that these teachers were, no doubt, part of a “cult.”

The lies of Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver demanded the sweeping participation of the entire non-dual community, inclusive of such high-profile names as Adyashanti, Gangaji, Jeannie Zandi and numerous others all looking to protect their brands…and their wallets.

Conversations with non-dual teacher Mirjam Temba Rothkamm were typical of this obvious evasion of the truth. For over 10+ years, along with many others on FaceBook threads, she lied directly to me regarding her knowledge of my former teachers, and of what had occurred at their hands.

The absolutist teachings that Mirjam espouses are the perfect cover for harm and abuse as evidenced by the famous words of Rumi.

“Out beyond ideas of right-and-wrong there is a Field…” – Rumi

In 2023 I confronted Mirjam, and her constant denial of knowing Nome, with the following answer:

“One doesn’t need to know Nome personally. In the case of this complicity nobody-on-the-planet knows him!! That is precisely how everyone has been able to lie directly to me regarding the existential control and harm at his hands in this life…and the lives of 4-generations of my family. The bottom line is: If you’re awake you know. That is the level of complicity and collusion I am referring to.”

The wise words of FaceBook friend Kim Rome came at a crucial time when I was coming to terms with the necessity of reporting publicly what I had been forced to carry, not just for my former teachers but for the entire non-dual community.

Kim said “I think the thing about lying that is most overlooked is that it is a betrayal to self.”

This landed on me like a brick as those teachers were betraying themselves in their lies but, worse, were requiring me to betray myself for lies that did not belong to me!

The decision to no longer betray myself would be a lesson that would take years to unfold.

“Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.” ~Brene Brown

“Lies are the royal road to chaos.” -Sam Harris

Thank you for reading this post. ❦ If you have any questions whatsoever feel free to email me at: Leslie@integrityintruth.com

⚛️ Paul Selig’s message that this ‘was not intentional to me’ yet the existential controls were most definitely intentional to me:

https://integrityintruth.com/clarif…/the-move-to-portland/

Footnote:

At one point I mentioned to my father that Nome and Russ were lying to us. In order to get clarity on whether this was true, my father raised my allegations on this lying to Nome during a private session.

At that private, Nome told my father that I was lying to him.

This was something my father took to his grave before knowing the actual truth. Nome knew my father would believe his own guru more than his own daughter.

Recently, in late 2024, I clair-audiently heard a current Indian SAT member ask Nome if what I was reporting on my website was true.

Again, Nome stated I was lying.

This was always Nome’s standard, defaming refrain when anyone spoke about the existential controls in-play at SAT.

He would always claim that he/she was just a disgruntled ex-member of SAT…thereby brushing-off any accountability and scapegoating the one(s) reporting on harm to protect the cult organization.

This has me concerned that Indian members are trapped within the SAT organization, giving their lives and money for the spiritual concepts of a teacher(s).

March 16, 2024April 15, 2026

Cult Behavior in the Non-Dual Sphere…and the Sweeping Dynamic of Control and Betrayal

When Nome and Russell Smith of SAT (Society of Abidance in Truth) decided to split their teachings…and remove those who might be jealous of the pending marriage of Nome…Russ was working with Candace O’Denver to establish the relatively new Great Freedom…later known as Balanced View.

All three — Nome, Russ and Candace — knew that I had “fallen through the cracks” — the words of Russell from a taped private session.

Over the years, as my understanding of the actual scope of deception and collusion in the non-dual space deepened…along with the courage of a newly opened expression….I began to openly talk of exactly how widespread this collusion was. Essentially, I had nothing left to loose.

There was a very big reason why Nome chose to silence me (under threat), why he chose to use an ‘auric block’ for extreme relational isolation and a ‘psychic implant’ for extreme, existential surveillance AND, ultimately, why he chose to enlist the complicity of those in the non-dual space to join him in covering for his lies.

For, ultimately, IF I spoke-up the entire non-dual house-of-cards regarding the dogmatic ‘unreality-of-the-world’…and numerous other extreme spiritual concepts (known as radical non-duality)…would collapse.

It is this aspect of control that comprises THE primary ingredient of cults.

In many ways…even so-called “liberating” teachings exhibit truly organized cult behavior on a large scale. In the words of Facebook Friend David Bingham (himself a teacher):

“I would like to add that in this modern age the Neo-Advaitan tradition of the truth existing ultimately in the sphere of the non-dual (which is followed by so many, with so many esteemed teachers ) is a deeply flawed model of understanding of the nature of the human condition and its relationship with the Infinite. It is a form of understanding which has an in-built tendency to deeply exacerbate illusions concerning the experiences of life and in turn to generate rigidities around its interpretation. In doing so it has great potential to be harmful to the fundamental well-being of its adherents, all the more so because it dresses itself in the clothes of liberation. It is a false and incomplete freedom of the age.” ~David Bingham, a rare Voice of Brilliance in the non-dual world.

Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji, and a handful of others formed the basic skeletal structure, as we know it, of non-duality in the US…out of which branched such supportive services as SAND, BatGap, ASI etc…all very protective of keeping this particular ‘story’ of what happened in this life…and the protection of their deceptions…under wraps.

The following links show the progression of my understanding of the sweeping scope of this collusion:

The ‘Compression Years’…of isolation and silencing (under threat)…existential control in which Adyashanti played a key role: ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/…/the-compression-years…/

The many engaging in sweeping deception: ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/coffee-lane-and-the-two-years-prior-to-moving-to-portland-december-2015-july-2018-%e2%9c%be/

The systemic deception within the non-dual community: ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/systemic-collusion-in-the-non-dual-field/

Paul Selig’s message that this ‘was not intentional to me’ yet the existential controls were most definitely intentional to me: ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/clarif…/the-move-to-portland/

Adya’s role: ⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/systemic-collusion-in-the-non-dual-field/

The original letter to the ASI (Association for Spiritual Integrity): ⚛️https://www.dropbox.com/…/ASI%20Letter%2003%3A06%3A23…

Please feel free to contact me should you have anything to share related to this content or any questions: ⚛️ Leslie@integrityintruth.com

February 3, 2023April 15, 2026

Embodied Integration is the Birthplace of Integrity

“What we do to one, we do to the entire Web of Life.” ~Chief Seattle
(Chief of the Duwamish and Suquamish tribes)

What is integration?

For those who say “I’m not the doer” and “nothing ever happens”…integration, paradoxically, means to ‘own your actions.’

Owning one’s actions is the beginning of on-going integration…and integrity. Without integrity (any) awakening is meaningless.

Four years-ago I began reporting on the lies I had been forced (under threat) to hold for non-dual teachers: Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver (who goes by a variety of aliases).

What were the lies?

The lies were in regard to the ‘supposed split’ of the teachings of the brothers Nome and Russell Smith and their formative connection with Candace O’Denver’s Great Freedom/Balanced View.

The supposed split (of the brothers) was a ruse.

When I returned to SAT (after being asked to leave ‘The Way of Sudden Awakening’) upon entering the SAT Satsang Hall there was Russell sitting on the dias next to Nome, looking sheepishly at me as I entered the hall. After that Sunday, Russell left and did not return during the remainder of my stay at SAT.

The deceptions of the purported animosity between the brothers…in order to convincingly ‘paint the picture’…was a deliberate ruse that was even taken into the Santa Cruz County court system.

These lies occurred in tandem with the coupling/marriage of teachers (primarily Nome and Sasvati, aka Judy Gilden) and their own projected fear that jealousy may ensue.

I (and by relation, my family) became the inadvertent ‘holder’ for the deceptive secrets of these teachers.

Because of that those teachers felt compelled to completely tear this life apart for the sole purpose of ensuring that their lies would never become public knowledge.

I (and by relation, my family) became the inadvertent ‘holder’ for their deceptive secrets. Because of that those teachers felt compelled to completely tear this life apart for the air-tight purpose of ensuring that their lies would never become public knowledge. So…I am forced (under threat) to hold the lies belonging solely to these teachers and for an un-embodied teaching I do not even believe in! Yes, non-duality is a ‘truth’ but without integrity it is (also) moot.

The systemic cover for these teachers/situation… occurring over this past decade+…includes many in ‘leadership’ and teaching roles in the ND spiritual community. This includes several far-reaching non-dual organizations such as SAND, BatGap and ASI.

Matt Licata succinctly described this situation as a ‘cosmic betrayal.’

It has not only been a process of my own unfolding and understanding but of a growing revelation as to the extent of complicity and collusion in what has become known as the “non-dual” community.

The dark underpinnings of control, corruption and collusion as they exist in the non-dual space are clearly evident as they played out in this complex dynamic, involving un-provable siddis (occult powers), that is, unless one uses names and photos painting a clear narrative that would be nigh impossible to fabricate.

As a loyal and devoted seeker I was the recipient of (way) more than my fair share of the ‘beneficial’ aspect of occult powers.

Having been the one who “fell between the cracks” (exact words of Russell Smith in a taped session) the burden for the lies of those teachers fell squarely…and solely…on these shoulders…and hence the literal waterfall of psychic control to ensure their lies would never become public knowledge.

Whether beneficial OR malevolent: both aspects of occult control look to remove the inherent sovereignty that is each-of-our birthright.

Portending that level of control were Nome’s own words from the early years:

“Just look at who it is you’re up against.”

Those words, alone, demonstrated Nome’s dedication to power over others.

It is no wonder there was such extreme existential control over this life.

The most notable alliance to Nome, et al, in the suppression of this story was/is the key support of Adyashanti (and the many involved in Open Gate) during the entire time. https://integrityintruth.com/bentinho-and-the-adya-connection/

It becomes my duty…if not Soul Mission…to bring light to this type of occult control and existential manipulation.

Unfortunately, I feel uniquely qualified to disclose where there has been…and continues to be…harm existing under the shroud of spiritual control.

Fortunately, this marks the end of a karmic SoulCycle of having been silenced at the hands of spiritual teachers for being the holder of deceptive secrets.

This may not have been something I would have chosen.

There are times when Life chooses us for a particular job.

For this devotee to be speaking out so publicly the actions of the above-mentioned teachers would have had to be so extremely violative on the existential level.

Owning one’s actions is the beginning of on-going integration…and integrity. ❦

Thank you for your interest in this story.

Feel free to e-mail me with any questions at: Leslie@IntegrityInTruth.com ❦

An apt quote by Jeff Brown, author of numerous books including “Grounded Spirituality.”

November 15, 2021September 5, 2022

What Would a Conscious Person/Community do…

…once there has been harm?

Would they cover it up?

By now, many of who have followed this blog…and the published videos…know of the ‘information’ I’ve been forced to hold (under threat) for a decade…for the lies of certain spiritual teachers: Nome and Russell Smith of SAT (The Society of Abidance in Truth in Santa Cruz, CA) and Candace O’Denver, aka Candice Rinpoche of Great Freedom/Balanced View in Marin, CA.

Not only have my former teachers gone to the extent they have individually but they have also called upon the greater non-dual community…inclusive of many currently acting teachers…to join them in a system-wide cover-up.…all for the sole-purpose of keeping this ‘information’ from becoming public knowledge.

Much of my interaction within this community has involved being lied directly to…lies which I’ve been aware of for the entirety of this past decade.

As long as I was willing to go along with those lies…betray myself and my voice…betray my family…and, essentially, betray Truth teachings, I was accepted and ‘loved’ in the online non-dual community. The coercion to continue to hold those lies was/is very real.

As someone, with long-standing ties to SAT told me recently: “…everyone plays dumb to maintain a whitewashed narrative — at your expense …(and) is lying about the same thing…”

It is this cultish support for lies…just as we are seeing in the greater body politic…that will ultimately surface.

The rallying around a cult-leader(s) in order to uphold lies is no different in these ‘high’-level spiritual teachings than is playing out on the collective/political scene.

They are the same exact dynamic.

*On all accounts it is authoritarian — and ultimately controlling — in nature.*

At what expense (our natural) awakening?

In 2018 I left the town of Santa Cruz to move to Portland in order to escape the over-arching controls over this life and the surveillance of my homes.

That move was not without consequences…some of which I cannot discuss on a public thread but which, overall, proved to be fraught with an enormous amount of psychic/occult pushback and control.

It is no exaggeration that in the years since 2018 I have literally been stalked by high-level occult powers (siddis)…the intimidation of which was/is very real.

My question to the non-dual community…and all awakening communities is: “What would you do once there has been harm?”

“If a man is a Jnani, he cannot utter a lie.”

– Ramana Maharshi

Thank you, always, for listening,

-Leslie Read

YouTube: Leslie Read

‘Information’ I Held: Video #10

(Blog post photo image: Frosted black grass…taken with an iPhone X in NW Portland)