In 2012…in intense non-resistance to ‘what is’…there was the experience that ‘nothing ever happened.’ YET Ajata should never be used as excuse for harm…and the cover-up of such.
That experience revealed a possible threshold into a profound internal resolution with Nome who had caused great harm to myself and my family due to having ‘fallen through the cracks’ (exact words of Russell Smith in a private, taped session) for being the inadvertent ‘holder’ of the lies and deceptions of Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver, aka Ziji Rinpoche.
That ‘threshold’ would only be possible through those teachers owning-their-actions as that was well-before I learned of the ‘auric block’ for purposes of relational control and the ‘psychic implant’ for purposes of extreme violative surveillance…and of the familial controls…which were the ultimate tipping point.
YET… ajata is a dangerous understanding without equal ‘weight’ given to the fact of our Humanity and the responsibility of living in a human form.
The demonstrative avoidance or, worse, downright negation of our humanity as demonstrated by true radical Advaita (non-duality) leaves wide-open-the-door for actual harm that is, more often than not, condoned or covered-up, as in the case of this life.
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After about 6 months of packing and reconverting the garage apartment where my father, Stan Rice and, later, Bob Haber (who had been sent for purposes of control) lived the house on King Street in Santa Cruz was finally sold in Fall of 2013 .
Bob Haber was the key person instructed to circumvent the selling of the house by taking me to court insisting I had not given him ample notification! That, of course, was a(nother) lie. Bob’s rent of $600. was half the going rate in Santa Cruz. Yet, he took me to court to try and keep me from selling.
I had no idea where I would go after leaving the home I had raised my family in. All my belongings were packed into a PODS moving container. At the 11th hour my real estate agent sends me a message saying that she knows of an ‘illegal unit’ that was, now, available. Thinking that I would only be there for a short while, I accepted her offer.
I wrote in my journal the feeling that night of leaving the west side to go to this apartment on the east side…located near the Rio Theater in Santa Cruz.
Journal Entry – October 15, 2013: There has been a seismic shift going on from ‘non-resistance to what is.’ Some feeling of (the) One…some feeling it all within ‘me’…some stopping and letting go of ‘plans’…some deeper healing of trust… Transmutation of rest in scary thought of housing situation. Kundalini energy of deep love…a feeling of absence…nothing ‘mine’…an ecstatic bliss of being pinned in this Now. This was the feeling of ‘Redemptive Love’… which would be Adya’s seminar, that year, by the same name.
Later that Fall there was the definitive feeling, again, of ‘support’ from Adya to help me in this unfortunate situation. If he was truly meaning to ‘support’ he would have said “This is not right.” But he didn’t. Neither did Gangaji. People connected with Adyashanti and Open Gate were the primary people covering for this breach that has resulted in existential harm.
As with everyone looking to ‘support’ me it would only be later that it would become impossible to continue to betray myself. Among other things the tipping point would be: 🔻The ‘auric block’ for purposes of relational control and which affected every area of this life: mental/emotional/physical, spiritual, familial, financial, etc. 🔻The ‘psychic implant’ for purposes of extreme violative surveillance and 🔻the familial controls…which were the ultimate tipping point.
Added up, it was a ‘Soul murder’ which, ultimately, demanded the end of betraying myself, my family and the Truth.
Yet…the teachings, particularly Advaita, all support the extinction of the individual. By no means did the teachings ever support empowerment. Those same teachings on negation would, later, be used to gaslight me when I began to speak out. Speaking out would be what my Soul…and Spirit…would be unequivocally guiding me to do.
The beginning of my time on Sumner Street I had a bad case of the flu lasting several months. To add to the misery, I was sleeping on the floor on a tri-fold mat as my bed had been packed up in the POD, with no access to it.
It was at that time that Kiran Trace de Jaray insisted that I get a proper mattress. She indicated that I would be there longer than I expected. She also brought over some chairs for me to sit on.
Kiran…in addition to Marilyn Madden, Steven Walters, Marlies Cocheret, Susanne Marie, Jon Bernie, Hope Rhode and a few others who were not as prominent in this saga…are all friends closely associated with Adyashanti. Kristy Thompson was also involved in helping see me through a necessary isolation. The hard part was every time Kristy and I got together it was apparent she was lying to me. Given the extraordinary quantity of time it is my feeling that Michael Harrington, Kiran Trace de Jaray, Marilyn Madden and Steven Walters and, possibly, Kristy Thompson were actually paid to ‘be with me.’
There had been others: Belle Haywood and Sattva Lynn who, by now, began the great ‘unfriending’ the closer I got to their deceptions.
Journal Entry – January 8, 2014 Beloved Tara is hit by a car and dies.
Journal Entry – January 9 Ty and I bury Tara.
Journal Entry – January 10 Omni is looking for his dear friend so I unearth Tara’s resting place so OM can sniff and see where she is and what happened. I also place the box close by. He visits the burial site every afternoon. I am completely alone now. Eliot and Catherine visit last night. I believe they, too, are telling false stories.
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Journal Entry – Nov. 17, 2014 Yesterday…a post in Reflections about a teacher’s admission of wrongdoing was posted by Patrick. I acknowledge my feelings about this and the whole thread elicited massive tears every time upon writing. Chimes were going nuts outside!!! Eliot Weber texts to come over for dinner as he always does when I am near the ‘edge’ . Session with the ‘psychic’s psychic’ where she says to manifest house and to unfriend a particular female ‘friend’…Nishkala.
Throughout the two years at Sumner Street I met with this psychic’s psychic several times. As I had been deeply surveilled at the King Street house, I had my phone calls with this psychic in my car. Using a ‘psychic’ was the very beginning of looking into other modalities to help me out of this mess…modalities that Nome and Russell often mocked as ‘new age.’ Yet some of these modalities were the very ‘tools’ that would free me from the oppression of controls and manipulation at the hands of these teachers…including their occult controls (siddis).
As Aile Shebar mentioned to me “Consider these modalities as part of my ‘tool box.’ It was Aile who aptly described my situation as akin to being ‘buried alive.’ That was an accurate description.
akin to being ‘buried alive.’
That was an accurate description.
Not having internet at Sumner Street I walked to the local library to access the social media of FaceBook…which was a necessary lifeline of social contact. There was extensive contact via texts with two women at this time: Karen Waldman (associated with Candace O’Denver) and Sarah Hughes. It was during one exchange, in particular, with Sarah Hughes that she implored me to ‘trust.’
I could sense Sarah’s upset. As a mother she was indicating the level of familial manipulation that would occur and which I was already intuiting. As a mother herself, I could feel her level of discomfort.
Later, when Steven Walters was in Europe I e-mailed him about my inner knowing of what was happening with regard to my family. He brushed it aside.
That ultimate breach was the biggest, detrimental miss-step by these teachers. There were many other missteps but this tipped-the-scale that would ultimately test the loyalty of this bhakta heart. Would I be loyal to teacher(s)… or would I be loyal to myself, my family and, ultimately to The Truth?
In Spring, 2014 I treated myself to a weekend at Costanoa just north of Santa Cruz. Being isolated I, of course, went by myself.
Being one-of-two people who had been encouraged by Nome to renounce my family I had spent the majority of Holidays for the past decade by myself and never traveled due to that same, forced insularity.
It was that weekend, in Spring 2014, at Costanoa that my storage unit was broken into. I received a phone call saying there had been “an incident.” The thieves took every item of jewelry…including some very old American Indian pieces. They also took my grandmother’s sterling flatware and 8-10 Robert Frost books…3 of which had been signed by Frost. One book contained an unpublished poem that Frost had written to my father whose woodcuts were occasionally used in Frost’s publications. These were professional thieves.
Shortly after that Steven came over to visit me at Sumner Street. Steven made it abundantly clear that, not only, he had a girlfriend in Germany but he did not know my teachers. NO ONE, of course, knew Nome…and YET everyone was covering for him!!
Over the months Steven and I saw each other most days. We went to the Sunday Dance Churches and he duly incorporated my ‘love’ for service by having me take care of his CD mail orders while he went to visit his girlfriend and tour Europe!!…and later by helping him trim the hedge as large as a house next to where he lived.
The entire time I was at the Sumner Street apartment I was in the throes of powerlessness…and subserviency. This was due, in large part, to a dangerous combination of a loyal and devoted heart with the full-knowledge of Nome’s occult prowess.
Bentinho had told me that NO-ONE has that kind of power over anyone. Yet, later, I would come to know from a long-time energy healer that even those highly evolved and aware of the higher flows of Spirit know that clearing your auric field daily is an utter necessity for personal sovereignty and mental/emotional health.
How, on earth, to do THAT??!
I would soon find out the utter necessity for such knowledge of how to clear unwanted, violative energies.
One day…I believe in Spring/Summer of 2014… I ended up stumbling around the ‘kitchen’ feeling something in the right hemisphere of my brain. This was, as I later found out, the insertion of a ‘psychic implant’ for purposes of extreme surveillance. ‘Psychic implants’ allow the ‘host’ to see with-your-eyes, hear-with-your-ears…etc….they are an extreme form of occult power. The energetic signature was, beyond-a-doubt, Nome.
The following morning after that psychic implant episode I met Michael Harrington for breakfast who, absolutely, acknowledged what had just happened the day before…without saying what it was…but indicated I had just undergone something significant. It would be in 2016 that I would find out about that ‘psychic implant’…a sychophant used for extreme levels of surveillance.
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‘Compression’ and suffering was always the modus operandi of Nome and Russ…no matter the individual or their background. To say it’s an absolute danger is a vast understatement...and not in the good, spiritual sense. To know the amount of folks in the non-dual world agreeing to… and covering for…such flagrant abuses is also a clear danger.
Jenny Birnbach (partner to my late father and still a current member of SAT) said the term ‘Compression’ was the word used at SAT to describe my time at the Sumner St. hovel. During these 2 years I was still ‘compliant’…in-line with a loyal and devotional heart…especially to siddha forces that I felt were completely beyond my control.
I know of no other life (lives) than my own self, and my family, who are the shredded remnants from such a ‘cosmic betrayal’…a description on a public thread of my situation by Matt Licata. This was in addition to the craziness one is made to feel when so many are lying directly to you and undermining an inherently strong intuition.
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After Tara, one of my two cats, was run over I went to get Josie…driving 1.5 hours to Pleasanton to find a needle in a haystack at their local, free animal shelter giveaway. Shortly after getting Josie Ty’s beloved Omni dies from, most likely, from rat poisoning. Ty comes over for, yet another, burial.
There was so much suffering and violation during those ‘compression’ years. There is, also, so much more detail to this story than can be presented in a web post…inclusive of others who were involved and who have not been mentioned.
In December of 2015, at the last minute, I moved to Coffee Lane…a place found by Steven Walters. There I would be the hostess for Dance Church parties organized by Steven Walters and the continuation of Steven’s lying to me regarding his knowledge of what I was holding.
More importantly, at Coffee Lane, I finally began the slow process of moving out of the karmic cycle of being silenced and controlled at the hands of spiritual teachers. This process sped up over the next few years. At the urging of Jenny Birnbach I made the decision to leave the area and move to Portland. It was at this point that the psychic controls became even more controlling.
In making this decision I began the slow process to begin to find some autonomy in the face of the arrogance of sweeping deceptions.
This next installment in this series, Coffee Lane, will describe the different modalities I looked into to help with my situation. This would include therapy with trauma expert Julie Yau. After 2 meetings I quickly realized that would lead me down an endless rabbit hole of time and expense.
There are, most certainly, significant omissions in these posts. I will return with addendums where appropriate. I am reporting this situation with the greatest accuracy I can recall and which I feel would adequately demonstrate the, essentially, criminal activity being actively covered for in throughout the non-dual community.
Thank you for following this recounting of such a ‘cosmic betrayal.’ Your witness to this is deeply appreciated. 🙏
If you have any questions whatsoever please email me at: Leslie@IntegrityInTruth.com.
