The 2 years prior to moving to Portland: 2016-2018
My former teacher, Nome, would occasionally say that he is ‘beyond karma.’
As FaceBook Friend, Divyaa Kumar, remarked to me regarding such a stance:
“The paradox is that the character/ego persona of even the awakened Self still goes thru its cause-and-effect as long as it dons a physical body. That’s why masters fall ill or lose someone etc. But as awakened Self they are wholly detached from the role. Thus, its effects don’t affect them! Thus, no me…no karma! But cause and effect is. It’s like a board game on which the cosmic play plays out!” ~Divyaa Kumar
In December, 2015…again, at the 11th hour…Steven Walters finds me a place in Santa Cruz so I can finally leave the ant-infested hovel on Sumner Street.
This move, in no way, eliminates any of the ongoing surveillance by those who needed to ensure the the lies and deceptions I had been forced, under threat, to hold would never become public knowledge. All told, by the time I had moved into Coffee Lane I had been silenced…holding the karma of those teachers…for about seven (7) years.
At this point in my Soul’s journey…I am looking for any way out of this existentially, controlling mess. Yet… there is still a heart connected to the very teachers who have been controlling and surveilling this life…a bit like the Stockholm Syndrome. It would be 4-5 more years before I am able to honor the authentic Leslie and her Soul’s right-to-life over her dedication to certain teachers, traditions and organization(s).
What I intuited through the undeniable energy of lies and deceptions was that everyone I am associated with has the highest reverence for Nome as proven by their willingness to lie for him (them). YET, at the same time, each.and.every.single.one denies knowing him!!
It was this direct lying to me, by those considered to be ‘friends’ that, over the years, would ultimately form a kind of PTSD in the system and , ultimately, a calcification of the pineal gland which happens when one is lied to: in my case a ‘cosmic betrayal.’ This literally ended any trust in the non-dual community.
This ended a trust in the very teaching that I was so sure would be my liberation. It also, gradually, made the association with any teacher in the physical form…ever again…an energetic impossibility.
Over the course of the 2 ½ years at Coffee Lane my internal connection to what I had been involved in for the past 2 decades slowly shifted from a deep devotion and dedication to my former teachers and teachings to the very beginnings of an authentic dedication to the self-respect of my own Soul.
The ultimate turning point would be my own sovereign access to Spirit Guides and the unmistakable signs of their Guidance and Support…connections which anyone has access to.
I began the slow process of learning to, not only respect myself but to, empower myself in-the-face-of HUGELY controlling siddhas (occult powers). This empowerment involved paying utterly close attention to my inner psychology which would feel activated whenever there was a deliberate ‘spirit world infection.’
This process does not begin to become evident enough to shift my allegiance until my second year at Coffee Lane.
The first year was consumed with Steven Walters…who essentially, and deliberately, occupied almost ALL of my time! We had many of our dinners together and enjoyed time at Dance Church where the many friends of Steven seemed to know of the position I was forced to be in. If they didn’t they found out soon enough as evidenced from their look. Any ‘freedom’ to be found in dancing was extremely limited…and painful…due to not being able to express myself from the existential threat should I ever do so.
As I type this, I realize I had been unable to be ANY of myself.
Nome consistently mocked anything ‘new age’ yet during my time at Coffee Lane I began seriously looking into other modalities to help free myself. As Aile Shebar noted…other modalities…even New Age ones…can be ‘tools in the toolbox’ for our Freedom.
Prior to that point my unbending resolve was, always, that anything not strictly Advaita was simply ‘untrue.’ Growing out of that limited spiritual concept was quite the process. The ultimate paradox was that several of these New Age modalities were the very things that would empower me to free myself.
The levels of actual judgement that Nome and Russ inculcated in all of us at SAT were meant to distance ourselves from others not on our insular path. This parochialism would not only completely isolate us from other modalities but which, literally, isolated us from the rest of the world…and, in some cases, from ourselves.
If I was still at SAT there would be no way I’d ever utter-a-word about the use of some of these New Age modalities. Yet I was intuitively drawn…or, more likely guided…to brilliant Tarot readers, crystals, numerology, the enneagram, auric clearing by Creator Beings, the directive to assemble a Spirit Family, prayer, psychics and intuitive healers…no less one of the most profound of all: that of Evolutionary (or intuitive) Astrology.
As I became more independent I slowly began to see through the covering for my former teachers by such influential folks as Ellen Davis.
I met-up with Ellen when she was up north from L.A. attending a SAND Conference. At our meeting she made sure to disavow any connection, whatsoever, between Adya and Nome! Adyashanti, of course, was THE primary teacher who was involved in helping Nome, Russell and Candace in the control over this life as he played a significant role during the ‘compression years.’ https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/the-compression-years-2013-2015/
Fred LaMotte, Guthema, Tom Thompson, Richard Young, Zeerak Kahn, Prajna Ginty, Marilyn Madden, and so many others…inclusive of the many with whom I had become ‘close’ friends with: such as Kristy Thompson and Steven Walters. Nope…no connection between Nome and Adya!
It was becoming harder and harder to continue pretending I didn’t see through all of their lying. Energy does not lie. People do. The lying was obvious. What I could no longer do was betray the entirety of my life.
STILL, I was unable…at that point…to call out such collusion and complicity in covering for the harm of being existentially controlled. Have you ever told someone you’re close to that they’re lying?!
It would, later, prove to be the hardest thing for me to do…to tell someone, essentially to-their-face, that they had been lying to me the whole time.
The day I unequivocally confronted Kristy Thompson with her lying she, quite literally, blew up. It went against every grain of my being to tell someone what I knew to be true about their utter lack of integrity. Yet…I could no longer continue to betray myself by allowing such flagrant deceptions to continue. Steven, of course, would be the next. Telling folks of their collusive behavior…of their out-right lies…would evolve over time. This resulted in a variety of responses from outright denial to forceful gas-lighting, as was, later seen with Marilyn Madden.
Master ‘Energy Healer and Soul Reader,’ Althea Provost, was the first to actually see the ‘psychic implant‘ that had been positioned in the right hemisphere of my brain for purposes of extreme surveillance.
In the meeting Althea’s eyes are closed and she solely reports on what she energetically and intuitively ‘sees’. The great thing about the readings with her and the few other energy healers is that they get themselves out-of-the-way and simply look at the energetics. They report on what they, impersonally, see.
Althea brought my attention to the ‘psychic implant’ in my first session with her. Immediately on hearing her description I told her of my experiences stumbling around the kitchen on Sumner Street (during the Compression Years) and that I knew exactly what she was referring to. It was to this extreme violation that, the following morning, Michael Harrington confirmed.
When I asked Althea what it was, she described the ‘psychic implant’ as a type of ‘sycophant’ whose sole purpose is extreme surveillance: allowing the ‘host’ to ‘see with my eyes, hear with my ears etc.’
That sycophant would later show up on an MRI and additionally, was later confirmed by the late medical intuitive Mona Delfino (now passed). Mona was one who also helped to wall-off the implant in order to render it defunct.
This marked an energetic turning point in my own self-respect of not only trying to take my own, sovereign power back but refusing, to the best of my ability, to allow such energetic boundary violations…something we see in a LOT of spiritual teachers. Yet there was still, significant, internal conflict from the accumulated two-decades of spiritual control and association.
As mentioned earlier, I was in another slow process: one of no longer depending on any teacher in the human form. Prior to this I had loved going to hear teachers…especially ones I considered highly evolved and adept at presenting the concepts that were needed in order to free oneself.
Yet…as long as anyone dons a human body there is the potential for shadow…no matter how evolved.
Just as with ‘friends’ these teachers and/or counselors were communicating via an airtight container of complicity. All of these connections, ultimately, demanded that I betray myself and my family….and of what I knew to be true. Did Jon Bernie know my former teachers and of what occurred at their hands? Of course he did.
(image courtesy Bing.com/images) originally asked by Adya to teach and one who I consider to be one of the best teachers. Jon confirmed the occult messages/controls of Nome and Sasvati.
Adding to the deceptive screen was the appearance at SAT of photos depicting kids toys in the Lotus Room at SAT with a young child sitting on Nome’s lap and Sasvati’s (aka Judy) daughter at her side.
Seeing through this projected illusion and hypocrisy of SAT, my feeling was this was deliberate…to deflect any rumor that Nome had encouraged several of us to actually renounce our families.
In the words of Russ…again in a taped, private session…’Nome doesn’t even like kids.’ A picture was being painted in order to maintain a certain Hindu ethical code.
It would not be long after that that Sasvati would appear in a line at Costco…flanked by her daughters…with the message to surrender….and only then would I be re-united with my family. That is blackmail…at its very darkest.Yet…surrender does not happen to lies and occult controls. Nor would I (ever) surrender to an airtight container of complicity, threat and, least of all, silencing-under-threat. Everything they were doing demanded I betray myself, my family and the truth.
Surrender is always only to Truth and, certainly not to any threat of extortion.
In mid-2017 I came across an energy healer who appeared on John Burgos’s Beyond the Ordinary. In listening to this energy healer (of thirty years) she talked of ‘auric hygiene.’
Auric Hygiene?! THAT immediately caught my attention.
Even more so, she described how the Spirit Beings that she worked with…Creator Beings above the play of shadow and Light…were the ones who actually did all the work in healing you!! All of this can sound VERY out-there yet she spoke with a clarity and intelligence that undermined any doubt that she was the reporting on a real possibility of stability and freedom from auric violation.
The Creator Beings she worked with were the ones who found and located the shadow…transmuted it and replaced it with a higher light….but all, only, at your request and directions.
More importantly yet…the process was remarkably FAST!! It was when she mentioned the speed of the transformative transmutation and healing that I suddenly felt a ray of ‘hope.’
I don’t typically buy programs on these shows but I bought a program called ‘Ultimate Empowerment.’ That program would ultimately help me with authority over my own energy field.
In that program she gave specific ‘sound codes’ to contact the specific Creator Beings. Generalized prayers to ‘the Universe’ never reach anyone or any Being….in specific.
In the Summer of 2017, at my wits end, I called in 2 specific Creator Beings…using their names which act much like a telephone number…and, with great intensity, I simply asked: “Show me what is in my auric field that is not natively my own.”
The answer that came forth…clear as day…unequivocally said that ‘an auric block had been placed in my field, by Nome, for purposes of relational control’…and when it was placed!
That answer from the Creator Beings matched precisely what Nome told me in silence right before leaving SAT for good: Nome said …”The hardest thing for you will be not to be able to be in any relationship.”
Of course, at that time, I had no idea what Nome was referring to.
This was the FIRST time I ever felt even the remotest possibility of autonomy from the very powerful siddhas that were being mis-used for purposes of controlling this life…and the lives of my family.
Yet…there’s a learning curve, albeit a short. One can immediately feel the lightness from the clearing of one’s field. After that…and with only a little bit of time…you begin to pay very close attention to your inner psychology. As this healer often says: “If I had one piece of advice it would be to clear your auric field daily.”
This was the first thing to come across my path that gave me any hope with regard to holding my own Being sovereign against high-level psychic attacks.
Every day I would go swimming in an outdoor pool under pine trees…with the Matsumoto guidance that water efficiently amplifies our intentions. Every day, I would listen to the programs of the work regarding auric clearing so they would become etched in my mind. Later I would use this same meditation to help me envision and leave the Santa Cruz area.
Around this time Jenny Birnbach, partner to my late Father and who is still at SAT, encouraged me to ‘leave California.’
In March of 2017 my Grand Daughter is born. I receive a rare visit from Em as though a controlling wall had just opened up and I got to visit my daughter and her newborn. Try to communicate anything with a family member when you have been silenced under threat.
To this day…this same grand-daughter would not recognize me. https://www.dropbox.com/s/hga3c7zpo1v973j/ASI%20Letter%2003%3A06%3A23.pdf?dl=0
Being in the insular environment of SAT I never travelled much…if at all…other than to go on retreats. I deeply regret not taking my own kids on trips to experience other cultures. Everything revolved around SAT. Yet, this too, was my decision.
At the time of Coffee Lane I was in my late 60’s. It’s now or never. I signed up for the Tuscany walking tour with David Whyte in September, 2017. This trip carried the energetic enthusiasm of Aile Shebar who had personal contact with David.
This was (and continues to be) a trip of dreams. As with anyone who is awake, David knew of what I had been forced to hold.
There was the felt sense of a set-up…although if one is going to be set up by a teacher who is intent on keeping you silenced there could be no better set-up than one with David Whyte! David who is not only the BEST in poetry and walking tours. He is also the very best in the nuanced tradition of Abundance unleashed!
As with Dance Church…that trip to Tuscany was while I was still under the shroud of being silenced.
It is almost impossible for me to describe the feeling of having your voice silenced but Aile’s description come the closest: “It’s akin to being buried alive.’ That is an accurate description.
(There are some excellent movies that come close to eliciting the feeling of being silenced:
-Lives of Others https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3_iLOp6IhM
-Diving Bell and the Butterfly https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eawGsbRLzHQ After viewing this movie I walked out of the movie house and ran into long-time SAT friend Mary Winslow and Peter Hanson. The look on Mary’s face when she saw me…the one forced to carry nuclear information…needed no words. Mary was one who was very close with my kids.
-Ondine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hO0B_saqOLY
…these movies are uncannily accurate in the feeling of ultimate suppression and oppression.
Upon returning from the walking tour and into the Spring I began the determined effort to follow Jenny Birnbach’s (who is still with SAT) advice to leave the state.
Ultimately there was a breakdown in tears as Steven Walters dropped by one day to pick up a sweater. At that point…in the Spring of 2018…it was impossible to continue betraying myself with him or any others who were ‘hired’ to ‘be with’ and ‘keep tabs on’ me.
After not seeing each other for a record amount of time I receive a call from Steven to meet for breakfast at The Sunrise Café in Soquel. It was at this breakfast meeting, and walk, that he tried to convince me against moving to Portland…sending frightening articles on the Cascadia Fault Zone.
It wasn’t until later that I truly realized why.
Just as these teachers did NOT want me to sell and move out of the house on the west side of Santa Cruz…they now definitely did NOTwant me leaving the state…as Jenny Birnbach had advised.
With the plan to move now in motion…and feeling the Support of Spirit…the controlling siddhas intensified. The intensity of those siddhas would reach a dangerous level after arriving in Portland.
In July of 2018 I move to an apartment in Portland, OR…sight unseen.
Thank you for your continued interest in my reporting on this story of systemic and, ultimately, authoritarian control.
As with all these posts the control was not only intense but it involved a lot of players. ❦
If you have any comments or questions, please feel free to email me at: leslie@integrityintruth.com
(All photo images, unless otherwise noted, taken by the author: Leslie Read)
