I’ve long held the view that (the) patriarchy is not, necessarily, gender specific. It would be a man who would indicate to me that I would endure a “cosmic betrayal.” That betrayal…with sweeping participation among the women… began when non-dual teachers made the agreed-upon decision…across the FULL non-dual teaching spectrum (including Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji, Bentinho, Jeannie Zandi and many others)…making me the ‘fall-guy’ and placing the entirety of the burden for their lies-and-deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family…then silencing (under a death threat) and isolating me for a decade+…ALL to ensure those lies would never become public knowledge.
As an old SAT friend accurately described this dynamic: “…everyone plays dumb to maintain a whitewashed narrative — at your “expense” …(and) is lying about the same thing…”
That “expense” would entail nothing shy of the entirety of this life…and the lives of my family…ALL of which was taken. Sadly, and surprisingly, many of those who upheld the tragic dynamic of having been made the scapegoat for the lies and deceptions of non-dual teachers…were women.
Following a character assassination in 2008, and shortly thereafter, a trail of women in the non-dual space would meet-up with me to cover-for (read: collude) that dynamic with such primary characteristics as an attempted ‘normalization’ of circumstance, obvious over-speak, and a definitive sense of false sisterhood…all marked by pervasive deception.
Picture and feel this: I was connecting with women who I actually elevated due to having realized some non-dual ‘state.’ Most were lying to me…and I could not say anything about what I was witnessing due to having been silenced under a death threat.
In the words of Jon Bernie (a truly brilliant teacher): “Without expression, you cannot wake up.” You cannot be your actual self!
In so many ways, there is the deepest of ignorance among non-dual teachers regarding the Human psyche and the existential blocks that silencing brings to the awakening process.
At that point I was, still, giving way too much significance to what is known as non-dual awakening. As if that would make anyone a better Human or a more integral one…neither of which I witnessed in any of those who had befriended me.
During that time of betrayal, one could say that I, instead, witnessed my own murder by 1,000 cuts.
It was, always, obvious in the moment who these women were covering for. Given the gravity of what they were hiding, the deception was easily sensed, so-much-so that they may as well have come out and said “I’m deceiving (read: betray) you but let’s be ‘friends’ anyway so we can all feel more comfortable with controlling your life.”
It’s what happens when lies have been taken too far down the rabbit hole: the deceptions must be maintained and covered-for at ALL costs, inclusive of any shred of integrity remaining for those teachers and the many covering for them.
The women mentioned in this post are, by no stretch, all of them. Ultimately, not one would say publicly: “This is not right.”
“Internalised patriarchy is when women adopt, believe, and enforce patriarchal ideas themselves — even when those beliefs limit or hurt them and other women.”
I thought, for sure, women — most especially those who were/are mothers — would stand behind me and uphold what I was just beginning to report on: namely the sweeping collusion and complicity in the non-dual space of neo-advaita covering for existential control-over-others in the name of the bi-furcation and transcendence of our Humanity. It would only be, later, that I would realize I had been made the singular ‘fall-guy’ for their lies, deceptions, and existential control-over-others…inclusive of controls-and-the-deliberate-separation-of-a-families…across the entire non-dual platform.
However, that feminine support was not what I found.
What I found was that there are still women who, for whatever reason, chose to actually uphold a certain, existential domination-over-others.
Perhaps there was a dedication to a non-dual teacher or they, themselves, had their own ambitions of teaching or they realized some non-dual state that allows for the actual harm of others.
This dynamic among the women began when non-dual teachers made the agreed-upon decision…across the FULL non-dual teaching spectrum (including Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji, Bentinho, Jeannie Zandi and many others)…making me the ‘fall-guy’ and placing the entirety of the burden for their lies-and-deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family…then silencing (under a death threat) and isolating me for a decade+…ALL to ensure those lies would never become public knowledge.
There is an extreme arrogance to lying.
It’s an arrogance that assumes that the deception cannot be seen through.
Ultimately, it’s an arrogance of (false) superiority.
⚛️ The Ultimate Demise of Fundamentalist Spirituality…The Arrogance of Superiority: https://open.substack.com/pub/leslieread/p/the-ultimate-demise-of-fundamentalist?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
PRIOR TO THE COMPRESSION YEARS…
During a weekend phone gathering with Jeannie Zandi, I attempted to describe the feeling of being forced to hold on to something which, at that point in time, I could not disclose due to a death threat (source: Nome).
Jeannie asked me, “What if I had to hold on to the ‘something,’ that I had described, forever?“
As soon as Jeannie asked that question, I knew beyond any doubt that she was covering for the lies of Nome, etc., by using the very teachings to exert influence over my own sovereign voice and to gaslight me into silence.
A cold chill went through my entire being.
I was later befriended by a handful of Jeannie followers who were actively covering for this silencing…notably: Paul Kaufman, Cynthia Gramer, Traci Fest and Lisa Lindenlaub.
The Definitive Participation of Adyashanti…
Around 2011 I attended a couple talks by Adyashanti given in Santa Cruz. At one of those talks I went up to to the mic to ask a question…Adya’s standard format for putting the ‘ego’ on the spot. Adya’s answer was surprisingly arrogant when he indicated, in the silence, to ‘try and comprehend what it was that I was up against.’ I was well aware of Nome’s occult prowess. It was the smug arrogance of the answer that struck me more than what he actually said.
⚛️ The Unseen Use of Spiritual Power (Siddis) for Control-Over-Others…in Contemporary Non-dual Teachings: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-unseen-use-of-spiritual-power
It was shortly after having an ‘auric block’…an occult mechanism used to restrict relations — primarily intimate relations — for purposes of control that I was visited by two women: Nishkala Leslie Jennings and Rosemary Cochran. Both had lost their husbands to illness. It was evident that they came to visit to try and normalize the fact that I would be alone.
- I would be alone… to ensure the deceptions of non-dual teachers would remain hidden
- I would be alone…not due to an illness…
- I would be alone… not due to my own choice…
…but by an occult restriction…an ‘auric block’ that would affect my entire well-being: emotionally/intimately/sexually, psychologically, spiritually, familially, financially and existentially. It was a death.
Later, Belle Sanjiti (aka: Belle Haywood) would actually taunt me with the notion of a relationship.
One of the key connections to Adyashanti was Susana Marie. We met several times at a local coffee house where she would tell me of her experiences… experiences which I deeply related to and yet it was evident that I could not share them. This connection was one of the first where I would listen to those who would describe their experiences and I had to be silent. This was not necessarily due to anything Susanne did but due to the death threat that I was under.
In 2011 Nishkala Leslie Jennings befriended me on FaceBook under the guise of the energetic sameness of our name: “Leslie.” 🙄
That excuse appeared utterly subversive even as she posted it. Yet, due to my being supplicant to absolutely everything that was beginning to be sent to me for purposes of keeping me silent…and my unfortunate fawning to those who appeared ‘awake’ to non-duality…I went along with the lies.
Nishkala, and her friend Rosemary Cochran, arranged for a visit where they would stay at my home. It was at the moment in the kitchen when I was facing Rosemary…and Nishkala was standing behind me…that Rosemary began to say something about my former teacher, Nome. As she began to speak, I noticed Nishkala’s hands waving to her to remain silent about any knowledge of Nome! Even while (not so) subtle this was one of the more overt giveaways of an early cover-up that, overtime, came in the guise of ‘friendship.’
In 2013, Gangaji gave a talk in Santa Cruz in which it was clearly evident that she was covering for the harmful aspects of Nome such as being the outcast.
⚛️ Character Assassination: https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/character-assassination/
Gangaji’s talk took place at the Sesnon House on the campus of Cabrillo College, literally a stone’s throw away from my office.
Shortly after the visit with Nishkala and Rosemary, and right before The Compression Years, two wannabe teachers appeared under the guise of helping me: Brigit Ananya and Nancy Ginty (former wife of John Wheeler and now known as Prajna O’Hara). (As of this writing Brigit has blocked me and Prajna has blocked me on her teaching and writing platforms.) Both were clearly covering for my former teachers. And both were more interested in their attempt to ‘teach’ me than any revelation of the truth of what had happened to myself and my family.
Not to mention the actual Truth.
During The Compression Years…Fall 2013-Fall 2015
By FAR, most of the women who had been sent to me were associated with Adyashanti. So much so that I have to wonder if ‘The Compression Years’ was Adya’s idea to keep me isolated and silenced. Many of these teachers were on board with extreme Gurdjieffian techniques to provoke an “experience of God.”
There were real crimes against Humanity in this regard…and the isolation and silencing of ‘The Compression Years’ was filled with absolute criminality.
⚛️ The ‘Compression Years’…of isolation and deliberate silencing (under a death threat) at the hands of non-dual teachers…in which Adyashanti played a key role: https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/the-compression-years-2013-2015/
Two women were more overt in their discomfort with what was happening.
They were rebel Kiran Trace de Jaray and Marlies Coccheret, both teachers who had indicated their utter discomfort with what was happening to me. It was Kiran who encouraged my “NO!!” when I was being pressured to move clear across the country to North Carolina to help with Bentinho’s community.
That said, neither of them could speak out.
Or, at least, I never heard about it. Marlies’s absolute discomfort, when I was in session with her, was clearly evident.
Marilyn Madden, close family friend to Adyashanti, was by far the most avid woman actively covering for the sweeping lies of these teachers. She was THE link to all the others in Open Gate.
Additionally, and this is important, she was a close family friend of Adyashanti.
During The Compression Years I was actually paying for sessions with some of the women to help me out with what I had been forced to hold…women who were not being honest and forthright with me regarding their knowledge of my former teachers and of what was occurring at their hands to myself and my family. They were:
- Sonya Amrita Bibilos
- Marlies Cocheret (who, as mentioned, was clearly not comfortable with the position I was forced into)
- Pernilla Rose
- Kate McNamara, the psychic’s psychic
- Julie Yau, trauma expert and speaker at SAND
…all were covering for these teachers.
Looking to use a coupon for horse rides across the bay, I invited Marilyn. Not surprisingly Marilyn would not ride in the same car with me! That’s how much safety was being taken to keep my voice utterly silent and to ensure that certain topics would never come up.
Aile Shebar was a key player in the Poonja tribe. While helpful in some ways she also engaged in a dramatic example over-speak when we visited a relative of hers in the Bay area. I could NOT have gotten a word in edge-wise if I had tried!! 🥹
Yet she is the one who…perhaps accidentally?…described my situation as akin to being “buried alive.”At the time she uttered those words I had not felt the full force of the truth behind them. That would come as I witnessed the deliberate separation of my family while I was silenced under a death threat from speaking out. It was then, that I could barely breathe.
Two of the most stalwart, early protectors of patriarchal teachers were Mirjam Temba and Sattva Lynn. I consider some of Mirjam’s earlier patriarchal postings to be downright harmful in the utter dismissal of our Humanity.
⚛️ The Tangled Web of Deception: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-tangled-web-of-deception
During the ‘Compression Years’ I made a reconnection with Nancy Ginty, who was now going by the name of Prajna. We ended up spending significant time together as she attempted to be a teacher to me! I took the cover photo for the 1st edition of her book “Edge f Grace” which has since been replaced by a newer edition. At one visit to her home, she actually had to whisper when talking about my situation…that’s how nuclear and secretive my presence had to be.
Regarding patriarchal non-duality as taught by women…I attended a talk in Scotts Valley where I was hoping Prajna and Meike Schutt might offer some integral, feminine insight into the constrictions on this life. That was not what I heard from these two women. In fact, during the dialogue portion, I was so disgusted with the answers…answers completely devoid of our Humanity…that I almost got up and walked out.
I am now blocked from Prajna’s teaching and writing platforms!
The women I had the most contact with during The Compression Years were: Marilyn Madden, Maja Apolonia Rodé, Aile Shebar, Kate Hawkins (via phone: the psychic’s psychic who encouraged me to ‘let go’ of my family!!), Prajna Ginty and Carol Skolnick. Carol, among all of them, was the most critical of harmful teachings, most notably the teachings of Byron Katie.
After The Compression Years…and the Move to Portland:
The two years following The Compression Years involved a deepening concentration of my right to exist and to find a way to my rightful voice in winding my way free from what had been accurately called a “Soul murder.”
⚛️ Coffee Lane and the many engaging in sweeping deception: https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/coffee-lane-and-the-two-years-prior-to-moving-to-portland-december-2015-july-2018-%e2%9c%be/
Shortly after arriving in Portland, I met up with John and Lorraine Thomas…former SAT members who later practiced with Adyashanti. The primary message during their short visit for tea was that Adyashanti, of course, had nothing to do with what happened to me!!
Adya had everything to do with what occurred in this life and to my family.
Following that meeting I learned that Catherine and Michael Weiss Boucher had just moved to Portland. I was under the naïve assumption that by merely talking with ANY of these people and explaining my situation that they would understand. Catherine had been friends with both Nome and Russell during college, and actually lived with them. Catherine was perhaps the only one at SAT to have met Nisargadatta Maharaj in person.
The last thing she would ever do would betray Nome and Russ. So, she listened with as much compassion as possible while maintaining a cover for teachings she had been involved with for decades.
Realizing we were both in the same town, Facebook friend Amaya Gregory contacted me for tea. At this meeting she attempted an energy shifting and clearing. There was a felt sense of arrogance around this. Again, it was obvious who she was/is covering for…and, she too, was surprised when I gave her a fawning hug at the end of the meeting.
❧
“Before the rise of formal religions and patriarchy women knew ‘right sisterhood’ as a Soul experience.They knew the sacredness of their sexuality, their emotions, their creativity, their wisdom and their intuition.There is nothing to prove with ‘right sisterhood.’ She is enough. She is valued. She is loved. She is perfect God energy in feminine form.” ~Molly McCord, “Infinite Sparks of a Bonfire, chapter 15 and on Substack: https://substack.com/@intuitiveastrologymollymccord
Before the rise of formal religions and patriarchy women knew ‘Right Sisterhood’ as a Soul experience. With Right Sisterhood… acceptance, detachment, honor, and respect allowed all women to gracefully be themselves.
The truth of Right Sisterhood has diminished and shrunk in patriarchal society as women became programmed at a young age to compete, stand out, be perfect, and follow gender roles. All of this pervasive messaging established what it meant to be valued, seen, and loved.
At SAT, the patriarchal spiritual organization I was with for over two decades Russell Smith actually stated, out-loud, that “a certain amount of jealousy was good.” Unwittingly or even consciously he was encouraging shadow feminine and elements/energies within the female population at that organization and encouraging their full participation, unwitting as it may have been, in their own patriarchal control.
Typing those words actually brings a sense of shock in this day-and-age, given what we are now seeing play out in the greater global collective.
False sisterhood is based on shadow feminine energies. In some cases, shadow feminine energy supports shadow masculine energies. That was most certainly the case in this lifetime at the very point when I was made the ‘fall-guy’ for this ‘rush to transcendence’ and largely for patriarchal non-dual spirituality.
False sisterhood is when you do not feel safe to be yourself, share your truth, or connect with others. The entire decade+ that I had been silenced and forced to carry lies that were not mine, it was absolutely impossible for me to be myself.
The truly surprising part and probably the most imprisoning was when, over the years, it would be the actual women tied to those organizations-and-teachers who would be the most critical in ensuring my silence. Aside from lying directly-to-me, this happened by various psychological mechanisms such as ‘love bombing.”
“Love-bombing is a form of psychological and emotional abuse in which a person uses excessive displays of attention or affection to gain power and emotional control — creating an ‘epistemic trust.’ “
This emotional connection creates ‘epistemic trust,’ meaning the gaslighter will have a greater influence over the person’s beliefs, including beliefs about themself…”
It would not be until I actually started writing on Substack, leaving the majority of my writing on my website www.integrityintruth.com and moving my expression onto a new platform, that I began a long-awaited return to my authentic self.
It was as if I was transferring the energy from a website that still contained a substantial amount of fawning and deference…which was a way of protecting myself from the existential threats on this life…to claiming a right to exist and take up space.
This was such an airtight collusion…one where Jac O’Keeffe and the entire formation of the ASI looked to protect…and is finally evolving to a much greater transparency instead of hiding behind the notion that spirituality is all the “wild, wild west” where there can be no accountability.
From this space I began the process of slowly healing the energies back to love…and safety of expression. This is, by no means, a complete journey. I was/am digging out from years of existential control in a spiritual system deeply steeped in protective and controlling patriarchal norms.
Our individual and collective Soul missions involve healing all of our memories of separation from God…across lifetimes. This was indeed the case as intuitive astrology was the clear forerunner providing the cosmic mechanisms that were the most helpful in digging myself out from patriarchal suppression that not only included silencing but may have also included crucifixion. And an ode to Jupiter in Cancer, providing the necessary self-care during the past twelve years, without which I most certainly would have been a goner!!
It was not until I went further, and much deeper, into intuitive astrology…especially with astrologers who had no allegiance to any particular teachers…that I found a community among those on an awakening journey. Those who upheld right action, integrity and Truth. The Cosmos has no allegiance.
⚛️ The Mystery of Past Lives: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-mystery-of-past-lives
On the global stage we are seeing this same dynamic of women who are supporting a convicted felon and rapist of young girls…continuing-on with their support in spite of growing evidence of horrendous criminality becoming more and more prominent.
⚛️ A Message on Our Core Values: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/a-message-on-our-core-values
This singular rift is unlike anything we have ever witnessed on this entire planet and it’s not just occurring in the United States.
Ultimately it would take the betrayal within an intimate relationship for me to claim a self-love so strong that it would remove me entirely from that patriarchal dynamic.
⚛️ Carl Jung: Individuation and the Empath’s Road Back to Their Authentic Self: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/carl-jung-individuation
We may actually be seeing… right before our very eyes… that same kind of dynamic where the powers-that-be ultimately display a betrayal so vast and so unmistakable that the entire collective wakes-up to a self-love so strong in its refusal to ever again betray itself!
Perhaps there could be the process of individuation and awakening on the collective level!
Thank you, always, for following my work…please message me if you would like to share your own experiences with control-over-others or if you have any questions.
Warmly…🌷
On Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/leslieread and at Integrity in Truth: Integrityintruth.com
