Transcendence isn’t Awakening.

It’s Escapism…and the area with zero accountability.

The purely, transcendent teachings of radical non-duality ultimately results, and rests, in ‘ajata’ or ‘nothing ever happens.’ It is in this state of being — of ajata — which forms the airtight teaching giving the self-sealing permission for any action to lack accountability. While on the absolute level, ajata is an actuality. In our Human lives, this is deeply and highly problematic…and flawed when it comes to the potentiality of natural ‘error’ in Human actions.

Many years ago, I was beginning to realize the exact measure of the existential weight that had been forced upon me when I was made the ‘fall guy’ for the deceptions of non-dual teachers. It was around that time, when there was an intense non-resistance to ‘what is,’ that there was the experience that ‘nothing ever happened.’

Simultaneous to that experience was a threshold insight into a profound internal resolution with Nome (my former teacher) who had caused great harm to myself and my family due being made the ‘fall guy’ for their own actions. (actions agreed upon by teachers on the non-dual space).

I deeply wanted to see how all that harm had never ‘really occurred’…harm that has been described as akin to being “buried alive.”

⚛️ Ajata and the wide-open-door-to-abuse: https://integrityintruth.com/ajata-and-the-wide-open-door-to-abuse/

That profound non-resistance was well before I learned of the ‘auric block’ for purposes of relational control and ‘psychic implant’ for purposes of extreme violative surveillance and the deliberate separation of my family. After learning of those violations, non-resistance to what IS – or surrender – became impossible.

⚛️ When Spiritual Surrender is Actual Poison: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/when-spiritual-surrender-is-actual

Yet ajata is an extremely dangerous understanding without equal ‘weight’ given to the fact of our precious Humanity… and of the sacred responsibility of living in a Human form.

We are now seeing this in the current, and unfolding, story of Bentinho Massaro and his view of ajata without the FULL consideration and respect for our Humanity. (Around 2010, Bentinho had been sent to replace a spiritual community…SAT…which I was asked to leave due to my knowledge of the lies, deceptions and connections of Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver…who goes by numerous aliases.)

Myself and Bentinho

The demonstrative avoidance, or downright negation, of our Humanity as demonstrated by true radical Advaita leaves wide-the-door for actual harm that is, more often than not, condoned…or the very least, covered up, as in the case of this life.

⚛️ The Unseen Use of Spiritual Power (Siddis) for Control-Over-Others…in Contemporary Non-dual Teachings: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-unseen-use-of-spiritual-power


As a young girl I was involved in the formless, Mystical, aspects of Catholicism. This connection to The Christ was, undoubtedly, from multiple prior lifetimes.

⚛️ The Mystery of Past Lives: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-mystery-of-past-lives

Mystical experiences came naturally, with no pre-meditated practice of any kind. A natural, deep devotion to The Christ would manifest as states of what are now commonly referred to as ‘flow’ and ‘bliss.’

At that age, I had no idea about those descriptive words.

At some point, shortly after my confirmation (strikingly, my confirmation Saint of choice was Joan of Arc) I realized the church relied too much on a ‘fundamentalism’ (again, a term I did not have as a young girl) and which none of my experiences relied upon.

I ended up leaving the church by the time I was 10 or 11.

Years later, I became involved in the teachings of radical non-duality as taught by Nome and Russell Smith at SAT (the Society of Abidance in Truth).

Nome was touted as the “only” awake teacher in this country. The entire set-up at SAT only strengthened the notion of a seeker or a person separate from God/Source/Being, whatever word you choose to use.

Nome couched liberation (or awakening) in a minefield of avoidance commonly known as neti-neti: a process of the negation of everything…essentially mimicking a radical renunciation for purposes of transcendence.

There was so much avoidance that I actually raised my hand one day in ‘satsang’ and asked “Are we truly meant to be automatons??”

Of course, my question was brushed away…

⚛️ Patriarchal Neti-Neti: The Ultimate Tragedy of Dissociation & Spiritual Bypassing: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/patriarchal-neti-neti-the-ultimate

If transcendence is what one wants, fine. But don’t call it awakening or, even more so, enlightenment! Use transcendence to avoid this world. Use it to avoid your emotions. Use it to avoid everything in life that one might come in contact with. One may even use it to avoid taking responsibility for one’s own actions.

But that avoidance will have karmic repercussions where there has been harm.

The avoidance of responsibility was clearly in play when I was subjected to the extreme Gurdgieffian technique of isolation – actual criminality — during ‘The Compression Years”…years of isolation in which Adyashanti, and others, in partnership with my formers teachers, condoned.

⚛️ The ‘Compression Years’…of isolation and deliberate silencing (under a death threat) at the hands of non-dual teachers…in which Adyashanti played a key role: https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/the-compression-years-2013-2015/

Recently, on May 29th, I received 4 phone calls…in rapid succession… from a long-time SAT member who was one of the very first I met around 1989.

I did not answer any of these calls.

The gist of the 1st call was that “There is really only one way out of the insanity of this world, and that is to transcend it.” He, perhaps rightfully, used the word ‘insanity.’

That call was immediately followed by another where he said “I regret having used the word insanity. There’s God’s goodness that permeates this life for sure.”

Who are drawn to teachings of transcendence? Those who want to escape? Those who are afraid of their emotions (also considered ‘unreal’)? Those afraid of responsibility? Those who are afraid of connection? Those who are afraid of death?

Jeff Brown has some choice words for the transcendent addicted:

F**k ‘heightened’ consciousness – we aren’t birds. F**k transcendence addiction masquerading as evolution. F**k ‘non-duality’ that conveniently removes everything uncomfortable from the unified field. F**k ‘enlightenment’ without integrity. F**k patriarchal detachment models presented as ‘the’ royal road to the ‘Kingdom’ of God – what about the Queendom? (Our only hope). F**k ‘The New Earth’ as described by dissociative and disembodied pain bypassers. F**k  the yoga industry that feigns awareness it does not hold. F**k vertical spirituality that ignores what is happening before our very eyes. F**k  the bullshit soulebrities who don’t give a shit about humanity. F**k the guru who imagine himself realized. F**k the New Cage movement and it’s trail of lies. F**k any version of spirituality that doesn’t serve Humanity. F**k the story bashers. F**k victim bashers. F**k  the bloody spiritual lie. Embrace Enrealment before it’s too f**king late.

The ‘enlightenment without integrity’ one in Jeff’s list hits close to home. Everything… absolutely everything… about the spiritual teaching of radical non-duality was used to gaslight me in to silence.

What occurred in this life at the hands of radical non-dual teachers, alone, is enough to entirely reveal the hypocrisy of transcendent teachings.

If consciousness was the only thing that exists…if ‘nothing ever happened’…why would such existential controls have been placed over this life? Why would I have been silenced and isolated?

As Robert Saltzman recently wrote in his Substack entitled: “What’s Wrong With Nonduality: Inside the fortress of certainty”Yet the communities it generates are populated, to a striking degree, by people whose self-image is among the most defended one is likely to encounter.”  So much for transcendence.

This is a healing journey, and there’s no greater healing than being heard. Thank you for following my work and for being here…❣️

~Leslie on Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/leslieread and at Integrity in Truth: Integrityintruth.com

Denial…The Duality of Non-Duality

The Fall Rose: Sweetness in the ending of a Soul Cycle.

The whole concept of spiritual bypassing is at the heart of non-duality which is the very playbook of victim-blaming and existential denial.

There is very little…if anything…of non-duality that I find Humanly authentic. 

It is one of the common weaknesses of those who lean solely toward the non-dual state to fall into the belief that there is no ego-self at play. 

To (the) Consciousness….the mind seems as if it’s been left behind…it’s non-existent.  

Because Consciousness feels so full and convincing it can lead to all manner of mind distortions about the nature of experience.

As I’ve been calling out the lies and deceptions of certain spiritual teachers there has begun the extreme gaslighting of calling me ‘delusional.’

The energy of the pushback is just what one might see when calling out the hypocrisy of those who are lying.

It’s extreme.

The lies of Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver are no delusion. 

In fact, their lies are well known.

There are many who are covering for these teachers. That, also, is not delusion.

Non-duality is when there is utterly no connection of Human awareness with the consequences of actions.

THAT…is a danger.

Honesty and integrity are values that I cannot compromise on.

(Photo image: The Fall Rose…Sweetness in the Ending of a Soul Cycle. Taken with an iPhone 13 in NW Portland)