The Mystery of Past Lives…

and the profound pointing of intuitive astrology in the understanding of Karmic SoulCycles

“We can’t really understand our place in the universe without grasping the principle of evolution over lifetimes.” ~Alan Leo

My story has been one of a lot of sacrifice in knowing things that I could not talk about. In this life it was the knowing of the lies and deceptions of non-dual teachers…teachers who then silenced me (under threat) and isolated me for a decade+ to ensure those lies would never become public knowledge. This effectively placed the entire burden for those deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family.

Would those lies, ultimately, become secrets that I keep forever, essentially, betraying my own life…and the lives of my family?

That was the single-most karmic lesson I had to answer in this life. And there was no other modality more helpful in digging myself out of this existential hole…a ‘grave’ that some have likened to a “Soul murder” akin to being “buried alive” resulting in what Carl Jung referred to as ‘Soul Fragmentation’than intuitive astrology, otherwise known as Evolutionary Astrology.

Evolutionary Astrology has been attributed to both Steven Forrest and Jeffrey Wolf Green. Both have been deeply helpful on my journey. “We can’t make sense of the birth chart without giving credence to the conditions of prior lifetimes.” ~Steven Forrest (in interview with Chris Brennan on The Astrology Podcast: ⚛️ https://youtu.be/itkBygnVqtg?si=Zz11I5RNC82id5oc )

Before I go into a few details of the chart, there were a quite a few life circumstances, a few which I will describe, that point to prior lifetime(s) of spiritual suppression and oppression (and, possible, crucifixion). Intuiting that the birth chart represents the Soul’s navigating tool from that karma, the circumstances in this life pointed to a karmic SoulCycle recreating itself, in present-time, for the very purpose of resolve…should I ‘choose.’

Firstly…I am not an astrologer.

That said, and perhaps it was fate, I was extraordinarily blessed to have come in contact with a handful of intuitive astrologers who are deeply connected and ‘awake’ Cosmic readers. It is to these highly intuitive readers of the Cosmos that I am deeply indebted. I consider it a profound display of The-Grace-of-The-Universe that these astrologers crossed my path, at just the right moment.

It was the generosity of these connections, in combination with the modern-day astrology software, that enabled me to follow along with the intricate and complex language of the cosmos-in-motion and the connection of those planetary objects with the astrological map of my birth chart. Without these astrologers and the attending software, it would have been impossible.

As a young girl, in 2nd-4th grade there were profound spiritual experiences tied to a deep devotion to The Christ. This devotion, and full-on trust, was so deep that it would result in what is now commonly known as bliss, flow-states and experiences of manifestations. During this time, that devotion led me to attend church daily for several months after which I noticed certain disturbing inconguencies in what was being presented…even though the services were delivered in Latin!

Yet, it was never my family who placed such spirituality upon me. My mother was a divorced woman who had married my Catholic step-father. His roots were in a deeply religious family who were chased out of Austria by Hitler because his father was a religious writer. Because of their marriage my mother and step-father were essentially ex-communicated and, because of that, they never influenced me towards the church. In fact, my mother once exclaimed “If this is what your God is about, I want nothing to do with it (referring to the church).”

Thus, my experiences and participation in the church, at such a young age, were never due to a familial pressure or influence. The extraordinary pull was from some entirely different place.

Instead, it’s my feeling that my devotion to The Christ was from some ‘thing’…or some time…wholly different and un-nameable. That devotion would have HAD to have been from a prior lifetime.

This connection/devotion seemed to fade away as I entered middle and high-school, and although the manifestations continued I never thought they were out of the ordinary.

Fast forward to 1989 when I met non–dual teacher Nome. There was instant recognition, along with the perception of his occult powers (siddis), from day-one. These powers he rarely showed to others. My feeling, at the time, was that this was a teacher manifest similarly to what I had experienced as a young girl with The Christ.

Those who follow my posts know that I, ultimately, became the ‘holder’ for the lies of Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver…all ‘awake’ teachers looking to awaken others in this ‘Rush to Transcendence.’

(When shadow grows to God-like proportions and the Rush-to-Transcendence: ⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/the-rush-to-transcendence/ )

There were several instances with these teachers that pointed to past lives. In a first private Nome stated, at the onset: “You are one blessed and graced individual.” I had no idea to what he was referencing.

Nome’s teaching was primarily one of renunciation and negation. ANY negation went entirely against everything I experienced as a young girl…where everything was included. Nothing was left out.

I expressed this to Nome in this private where he conceded and then said to “… welcome everything.” More importantly, he said I “must have renounced in a prior lifetime.” In the moment, that struck-a-deep-cord and made complete sense.

Throughout my 2-decade+ time with those teachers/teachings, the primary teaching was internal as I did not align with negation or renunciation of any kind.

Separately Russell, Nome’s brother, stopped me in the hallway near the SAT chai room and remarked upon my posture. I have slight kyphosis and scoliosis, which I never paid much attention to. He said this posture might be a response to a prior lifetime of shame and isolation. That, too, rang true.

Fast forward to somewhat more current times when, during “The Compression Years” (2013-2015), I would occasionally order a computerized astrological reading from the Steven Forrest website. I was always amazed at how accurate they were. It was during these years of deliberate isolation and silencing (under a death threat) that I could feel the truth…of even a report generated by the computer…as the geometry of the stars doesn’t lie.

(The ‘Compression Years’…of isolation and deliberate silencing (under a death threat) at the hands of non-dual teachers…in which Adyashanti played a key role: ⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/the-compression-years-2013-2015/ )

In 2016, I had a free 15 minute reading with intuitive astrologer Kristin Fontana. In that reading she said, from the get-go, that I had the same axis and houses which may have tied me to the time of The Christ…that I might have been there.

That, too, rang true.

Later, when I was deliberating deeply if-and-when-and-how I would release-the-information about the lies and deceptions that I had been forced (under threat) to hold Kristin suggested I meditate on the following profound question: “When you are no longer in the physical body, and you are looking back upon your life, what would your Soul have wanted you to do?”

That settled it.

In order to release and end this Soul Cycle…and free myself…I would have to regain my voice and exercise justice for myself, and my family.

As my understanding of astrology began to unfold for me…so, too, did the unfolding of my reporting on, not only, my former teachers but of the sweeping deception in the non-dual community that surrounded this “cosmic betrayal” – an apt description of sweeping betrayal by Matt Licata of what happened in this life.

(The Tangled Web of Deception: ⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/the-tangled-web-of-deception/ )

“The principle of karma…extends lifetime-to-lifetime-to-lifetime…until we break the pattern. Your birth chart is your Soul’s lesson plan. Ergo, your birth chart represents everything ‘wrong’ with you… and how to fix it. There is humility…and the triumphant appearance of human potential.” ~Steven Forrest

I slowly began to understand some of the planetary influences…notably what played out with Pluto in Capricorn (top-down-authority) during the entire time I had been silenced since 2008. In my natal chart Pluto is in Leo 8th house in strong opposition to my Sun at 15° Aquarius.

Additionally, there is a grand-cross in my natal chart with female spiritual warrior archetypes: Eris and Black Moon Lilith both in aspect, respectively, to my mid-heaven and ascendent…and in strong square to the electric Uranus.

As Astrologer Pam Gregory has stated regarding these female archetypes: “Eris fights against elitism, against deception…and against injustice. Just like Black Moon Lilith…she is unrelenting in doing that. She is the warrior sister of Mars and reflects tremendous beneficial purpose for the collective. ERIS archetype: goddess of discord…the female awakener. She gives not a jot for consequences! She’s about Truth, integrity and waking people up so their needs are being heard.”

Henry Seltzer, who has written a book on Eris, stated: “Mars fights because he wants to and Eris fights because she has to.” (It’s Henry’s TimePassages Astrology software that has been SO helpful: ⚛️ https://www.astrograph.com/astrology-software )

While all these astrologers were/are deeply helpful there were some astrologers who were obviously concerned that I would spill-the-beans regarding the deceptions of non-dual teachers. In my view, that is being loyal to a dogma…and not to the truth, and, certainly, not to the complete independence and lack-of-bias of The Cosmos.

Truth-is-not-Truth where there is a lack of integrity.

So my reporting began.

As I began to dig myself out of the existential controls-over this-life The Universe offered an intuitive astrologer who generously posted free weekly updates via podcast. This astrologer’s extraordinary cosmic read on the energies would literally walk me out-of-the-ground of having been “buried alive” (an accurate description). Her name is Molly McCord. She exhibited no such loyalty to non-dual teachers that I had intuited from several other astrologers but gave deeply intuitive reads on the Cosmic weather and how it supported our “Individuation” (a Jungian term) which I might have, previously-and-mistakenly, equated with ‘ego.’

For actual awakened freedom some people may need to diminish their ego…for others, they may need to build their ego up!

My Chiron (the wounded healer) is in the 1st house challenging my right to even exist.

It was when I posted my birth chart for past-life suggestions that my Astrologer-Friend Shellie Enteen pointed out the South Node in my 9th house. On, even, quick-glance she said the following about my birth chart:
“This is your birth chart. Looks like the Sag rising with Chiron conjunct is that the Part-of-Spirit near the Galactic Center would make you crusade for truth in this realm. Also, your chart ruler is Jupiter and conjunct Mars and the north node in the third house would suggest these communications about spiritual matters and something you might be angry (Mars) about that felt like victimization (Pisces). But that is the evolutionary direction, whereas the south node Virgo in the 9th was the old lives of giving into a restrictive dogma through a spiritual teacher. Also Saturn in Libra there suggests this is karma to clear.”

“The most important single contribution of twentieth-century astrology is that astrology is not a map of one’s fixed destiny but is a potential map of the unfolding of the authentic, higher self.” ~Robert Hand, from the foreword of Liz Greene’s Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil. This would be the job of this lifetime: the profound healing of my Saturn.

Of course, there is no clear-cut textbook explanation, but what you intuitively feel when looking at your own chart. The entire chart is karmic!!

“This deeper kind of astrology is high voltage work . It may have been our fate to experience certain things, but it’s our freedom in how we process it internally.” ~Steven Forrest

“Energy is neither created nor destroyed.” ~Albert Einstein… describing a core principle of physics and, as it turns out, of our Soul.

Thank you for reading…and following my work. Please join me for a full journey of my life through the cult of non-duality at Integrity in Truth .

-Leslie Read

The Tangled Web of Deception

“What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive.” ~Sir Walter Scott

The famous words from Sir Walter Scott’s poem are a warning about the consequences of deceptions and dishonesty which, invariably, lead to a web of complications.

In some cases, an enormous web.

This was, most certainly the case when non-dual teachers made the decision to place the entirety of the burden for their lies and deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family. In doing so, they required (and needed) the complicity and collusion of the full-sweep of currently acting non-dual teachers to provide an air-tight container that would uphold those lies should I ever speak out about what I had been forced (under existential threat) to hold.

This deceptive web forced the cooperation of ALL those who were/are teaching the non-dual “truth.” The hypocrisy and arrogance of teaching the “truth” while lying was easily covered-for within the structure of absolutist teachings.

“…everyone plays dumb to maintain a whitewashed narrative — at your expense …(and) is lying about the same thing…” ~A former member of SAT…in conversation with me… describing the impervious wall-of-deception in the non-dual community.

There are two main types of lying-to-others: direct lying and lying-by-omission.

The vast majority of ‘awake’ folks in the non-dual space lied-by-omission to me. The standard refrain was that they “never heard of my former teachers.”  Or that these teachers were, no doubt, part of a “cult.” 

The lies of Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver demanded the sweeping participation of the entire non-dual community, inclusive of such high-profile names as Adyashanti, Gangaji, Jeannie Zandi and numerous others all looking to protect their brands…and their wallets.

Conversations with non-dual teacher Mirjam Temba Rothkamm were typical of this obvious evasion of the truth. For over 10+ years, along with many others on FaceBook threads, she lied directly to me regarding her knowledge of my former teachers, and of what had occurred at their hands.

The absolutist teachings that Mirjam espouses are the perfect cover for harm and abuse as evidenced by the famous words of Rumi.

“Out beyond ideas of right-and-wrong there is a Field…” – Rumi

In 2023 I confronted Mirjam, and her constant denial of knowing Nome, with the following answer:

“One doesn’t need to know Nome personally. In the case of this complicity nobody-on-the-planet knows him!! That is precisely how everyone has been able to lie directly to me regarding the existential control and harm at his hands in this life…and the lives of 4-generations of my family. The bottom line is: If you’re awake you know. That is the level of complicity and collusion I am referring to.”

The wise words of FaceBook friend Kim Rome came at a crucial time when I was coming to terms with the necessity of reporting publicly what I had been forced to carry, not just for my former teachers but for the entire non-dual community.

Kim said “I think the thing about lying that is most overlooked is that it is a betrayal to self.”  

This landed on me like a brick as those teachers were betraying themselves in their lies but, worse, were requiring me to betray myself for lies that did not belong to me!

The decision to no longer betray myself would be a lesson that would take years to unfold.

“Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.” ~Brene Brown

“Lies are the royal road to chaos.” -Sam Harris

Thank you for reading this post. ❦ If you have any questions whatsoever feel free to email me at: Leslie@integrityintruth.com

⚛️ Paul Selig’s message that this ‘was not intentional to me’ yet the existential controls were most definitely intentional to me:

https://integrityintruth.com/clarif…/the-move-to-portland/

Footnote:

At one point I mentioned to my father that Nome and Russ were lying to us.  In order to get clarity on whether this was true, my father raised my allegations on this lying to Nome during a private session. 

At that private, Nome told my father that I was lying to him

This was something my father took to his grave before knowing the actual truth.  Nome knew my father would believe his own guru more than his own daughter. 

Recently, in late 2024, I clair-audiently heard a current Indian SAT member ask Nome if what I was reporting on my website was true.

Again, Nome stated I was lying.

This was always Nome’s standard, defaming refrain when anyone spoke about the existential controls in-play at SAT.

He would always claim that he/she was just a disgruntled ex-member of SAT…thereby brushing-off any accountability and scapegoating the one(s) reporting on harm to protect the cult organization.


This has me concerned that Indian members are trapped within the SAT organization, giving their lives and money for the spiritual concepts of a teacher(s).

Cult Behavior in the Non-Dual Sphere…and the Sweeping Dynamic of Control and Betrayal

When Nome and Russell Smith of SAT (Society of Abidance in Truth) decided to split their teachings…and remove those who might be jealous of the pending marriage of Nome…Russ was working with Candace O’Denver to establish the relatively new Great Freedom…later known as Balanced View.

All three — Nome, Russ and Candace —  knew that I had “fallen through the cracks” — the words of Russell from a taped private session.

Over the years, as my understanding of the actual scope of deception and collusion in the non-dual space deepened…along with the courage of a newly opened expression….I began to openly talk of exactly how widespread this collusion was.  Essentially, I had nothing left to loose.

There was a very big reason why Nome chose to silence me (under threat), why he chose to use an ‘auric block’ for extreme relational isolation and a ‘psychic implant’ for extreme, existential surveillance AND, ultimately, why he chose to enlist the complicity of those in the non-dual space to join him in covering for his lies.

For, ultimately, IF I spoke-up the entire non-dual house-of-cards regarding the dogmatic ‘unreality-of-the-world’…and numerous other extreme spiritual concepts (known as radical non-duality)…would collapse.

It is this aspect of control that comprises THE primary ingredient of cults. 

In many ways…even so-called “liberating” teachings exhibit truly organized cult behavior on a large scale. In the words of Facebook Friend David Bingham (himself a teacher): 

“I would like to add that in this modern age the Neo-Advaitan tradition of the truth existing ultimately in the sphere of the non-dual (which is followed by so many,  with so many esteemed teachers ) is a deeply flawed model of understanding of the nature of the human condition and its relationship with the Infinite.  It is a form of understanding which has an in-built tendency to deeply exacerbate illusions concerning the experiences of life and in turn to generate rigidities around its interpretation. In doing so it has great potential to be harmful to the fundamental well-being of its adherents, all the more so because it dresses itself in the clothes of liberation. It is a false and incomplete freedom of the age.” ~David Bingham, a rare Voice of Brilliance in the non-dual world.

Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji, and a handful of others formed the basic skeletal structure, as we know it, of non-duality in the US…out of which branched such supportive services as SAND, BatGap, ASI etc…all very protective of keeping this particular ‘story’ of what happened in this life…and the protection of their deceptions…under wraps. 

The following links show the progression of my understanding of the sweeping scope of this collusion:

The ‘Compression Years’…of isolation and silencing (under threat)…existential control in which Adyashanti played a key role: ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/…/the-compression-years…/

The many engaging in sweeping deception: ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/coffee-lane-and-the-two-years-prior-to-moving-to-portland-december-2015-july-2018-%e2%9c%be/

The systemic deception within the non-dual community: ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/systemic-collusion-in-the-non-dual-field/

Paul Selig’s message that this ‘was not intentional to me’ yet the existential controls were most definitely intentional to me: ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/clarif…/the-move-to-portland/

Adya’s role: ⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/systemic-collusion-in-the-non-dual-field/

The original letter to the ASI (Association for Spiritual Integrity): ⚛️https://www.dropbox.com/…/ASI%20Letter%2003%3A06%3A23…

Please feel free to contact me should you have anything to share related to this content or any questions: ⚛️ Leslie@integrityintruth.com

Embodied Integration is the Birthplace of Integrity

“What we do to one, we do to the entire Web of Life.” ~Chief Seattle
(Chief of the Duwamish and Suquamish tribes)

What is integration? 

For those who say “I’m not the doer” and “nothing ever happens”…integration, paradoxically, means to ‘own your actions.’

Owning one’s actions is the beginning of on-going integration…and integrity. Without integrity (any) awakening is meaningless.

Four years-ago I began reporting on the lies I had been forced (under threat) to hold for non-dual teachers: Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver (who goes by a variety of aliases).

What were the lies?

The lies were in regard to the ‘supposed split’ of the teachings of the brothers Nome and Russell Smith and their formative connection with Candace O’Denver’s Great Freedom/Balanced View.

The supposed split (of the brothers) was a ruse.

When I returned to SAT (after being asked to leave ‘The Way of Sudden Awakening’) upon entering the SAT Satsang Hall there was Russell sitting on the dias next to Nome, looking sheepishly at me as I entered the hall. After that Sunday, Russell left and did not return during the remainder of my stay at SAT.

The deceptions of the purported animosity between the brothers…in order to convincingly ‘paint the picture’…was a deliberate ruse that was even taken into the Santa Cruz County court system.

These lies occurred in tandem with the coupling/marriage of teachers (primarily Nome and Sasvati, aka Judy Gilden) and their own projected fear that jealousy may ensue.

I (and by relation, my family) became the inadvertent ‘holder’ for the deceptive secrets of these teachers.

Because of that those teachers felt compelled to completely tear this life apart for the sole purpose of ensuring that their lies would never become public knowledge.

I (and by relation, my family) became the inadvertent ‘holder’ for their deceptive secrets. Because of that those teachers felt compelled to completely tear this life apart for the air-tight purpose of ensuring that their lies would never become public knowledge. So…I am forced (under threat) to hold the lies belonging solely to these teachers and for an un-embodied teaching I do not even believe in! Yes, non-duality is a ‘truth’ but without integrity it is (also) moot.

The systemic cover for these teachers/situation… occurring over this past decade+…includes many in ‘leadership’ and teaching roles in the ND spiritual community. This includes several far-reaching non-dual organizations such as SAND, BatGap and ASI.

Matt Licata succinctly described this situation as a ‘cosmic betrayal.’

It has not only been a process of my own unfolding and understanding but of a growing revelation as to the extent of complicity and collusion in what has become known as the “non-dual” community.

The dark underpinnings of control, corruption and collusion as they exist in the non-dual space are clearly evident as they played out in this complex dynamic, involving un-provable siddis (occult powers), that is, unless one uses names and photos painting a clear narrative that would be nigh impossible to fabricate.

As a loyal and devoted seeker I was the recipient of (way) more than my fair share of the ‘beneficial’ aspect of occult powers.

Having been the one who “fell between the cracks” (exact words of Russell Smith in a taped session) the burden for the lies of those teachers fell squarely…and solely…on these shoulders…and hence the literal waterfall of psychic control to ensure their lies would never become public knowledge.

Whether beneficial OR malevolent: both aspects of occult control look to remove the inherent sovereignty that is each-of-our birthright.

Portending that level of control were Nome’s own words from the early years:

“Just look at who it is you’re up against.”

Those words, alone, demonstrated Nome’s dedication to power over others.

It is no wonder there was such extreme existential control over this life.

The most notable alliance to Nome, et al, in the suppression of this story was/is the key support of Adyashanti (and the many involved in Open Gate) during the entire time. https://integrityintruth.com/bentinho-and-the-adya-connection/

It becomes my duty…if not Soul Mission…to bring light to this type of occult control and existential manipulation.

Unfortunately, I feel uniquely qualified to disclose where there has been…and continues to be…harm existing under the shroud of spiritual control.

 Fortunately, this marks the end of a karmic SoulCycle of having been silenced at the hands of spiritual teachers for being the holder of deceptive secrets.

This may not have been something I would have chosen.

There are times when Life chooses us for a particular job.

For this devotee to be speaking out so publicly the actions of the above-mentioned teachers would have had to be so extremely violative on the existential level.

Owning one’s actions is the beginning of on-going integration…and integrity.

Thank you for your interest in this story.

Feel free to e-mail me with any questions at: Leslie@IntegrityInTruth.com

An apt quote by Jeff Brown, author of numerous books including “Grounded Spirituality.”

What Would a Conscious Person/Community do…

…once there has been harm?

Would they cover it up? 

By now, many of who have followed this blog…and the published videos…know of the ‘information’ I’ve been forced to hold (under threat) for a decade…for the lies of certain spiritual teachers: Nome and Russell Smith of SAT (The Society of Abidance in Truth in Santa Cruz, CA) and Candace O’Denver, aka Candice Rinpoche of Great Freedom/Balanced View in Marin, CA.

Not only have my former teachers gone to the extent they have individually but they have also called upon the greater non-dual community…inclusive of many currently acting teachers…to join them in a system-wide cover-up.…all for the sole-purpose of keeping this ‘information’ from becoming public knowledge.

Much of my interaction within this community has involved being lied directly to…lies which I’ve been aware of for the entirety of this past decade. 

As long as I was willing to go along with those lies…betray myself and my voice…betray my family…and, essentially, betray Truth teachings, I was accepted and ‘loved’ in the online non-dual community.  The coercion to continue to hold those lies was/is very real.

As someone, with long-standing ties to SAT told me recently:  “…everyone plays dumb to maintain a whitewashed narrative — at your expense …(and) is lying about the same thing…”

It is this cultish support for lies…just as we are seeing in the greater body politic…that will ultimately surface.

The rallying around a cult-leader(s) in order to uphold lies is no different in these ‘high’-level spiritual teachings than is playing out on the collective/political scene.

They are the same exact dynamic.

*On all accounts it is authoritarian — and ultimately controlling — in nature.*

At what expense (our natural) awakening?

In 2018 I left the town of Santa Cruz to move to Portland in order to escape the over-arching controls over this life and the surveillance of my homes.

That move was not without consequences…some of which I cannot discuss on a public thread but which, overall, proved to be fraught with an enormous amount of psychic/occult pushback and control. 

It is no exaggeration that in the years since 2018 I have literally been stalked by high-level occult powers (siddis)…the intimidation of which was/is very real. 

My question to the non-dual community…and all awakening communities is: “What would you do once there has been harm?”

“If a man is a Jnani, he cannot utter a lie.”

– Ramana Maharshi

Thank you, always, for listening,

-Leslie Read

YouTube: Leslie Read

‘Information’ I Held: Video #10

(Blog post photo image: Frosted black grass…taken with an iPhone X in NW Portland)