Many say to let go of ‘the past.’ And, yet, such an admonition can also be for purposes of concealing where there has been harm.
It is in the actual telling of such a story…and the reopening of an expression that had been shut-down (under threat)…that is the release from a ‘past.’
Two decades ago I received, in the mail, a rare copy of the book “Love Letters from Spirit to You.” This edition contained a previously unpublished 4-chapters.
There was a palpable shock that went through my system as the mailman handed me the package.
The ‘missing 4-chapters’ not previously published were significant.
Jacob Beilhart was a late 19th – early 20th century American Sage with ‘community’ in the Santa Cruz Mountains.
I opened to the following…
“…when you submit to all that is in your nature regardless as to what it has been in the past, or whether it is called good or evil, and resist not their expression even as you have not resisted the right of other persons and things to express what they would to you; when you abandon yourself entirely to all that I give you and condemn not in any expressions then I shall clear away every vestige of the past. And thus will I renew you in every part.”
In addition to having been silenced (under threat) for a decade, as a ‘sensitive’ I have noticed there are people who engage in the dynamic of ‘over-speak’ for purposes of, essentially, silencing…making it impossible to get a word in edgewise.
These are some of the very folks who are colluding with and covering for my former teacher in the attempt to keep a ‘story’ — involving existential and deceptive harm — from ever becoming public knowledge.
The first time I noticed this dynamic was in talking to Nome’s wife, Sasvati. It was during the time when a ‘story’ had been passed around about me and, because of that, most were avoiding me.
I was in the Lotus Room (a waiting room) at SAT and there was no place else to sit…except next to Sasvati on the couch.
Never in the history of SAT — or anywhere else for that matter — have I ever witnessed someone talk so long and with zero time for any participation of a conversation.
It was the first time I ever experienced ‘over-speak’ for purposes of keeping me from getting a word in edgewise.
The next time I noticed this dynamic was in a meeting with Aile Shebar. Aile was one of the first of my FaceBook friends that I met in person. We met north of Santa Cruz for lunch and a walk at the home of her uncle.
At this lunch there was, once again, this incessant monologue in which there was very little, if any, room for participation.
Again, on a Tuscan walking tour with David Whyte. (It should be noted that Aile was hugely encouraging of this trip on which there were also other dynamics at play that had Nome’s signature.) We had met up with a very special gathering to hear a Dante expert.
I had a hugely curious question regarding Italians and how beauty permeates every aspect of their culture. I was curious if Italian cultural Beauty is a product of their language and the way they formulate thoughts (and their world) in that language? I attempted to ask my question by raising my hand. It became apparent that David was deliberately ignoring my raised hand until, finally, the Dante expert insisted on calling on me.
The latest example of this dynamic was with a reading by astrologer whose astrology software I use and appreciate. I was interested in a reading from him for several reasons. One…he lives in Santa Cruz. Two…I very much enjoy the software. Three…he’s an expert on the planetary archetype of Eris. Of any modality I feel Evolutionary Astrology offers the clearest path to the understanding of the Soul’s journey.
Additionally I feel Nome is ‘friendly’ with a great many conscious astrologers. In this zoom session it became apparent that he, too, was not going to let me get a word in edgewise as, right out-of-the-gate, he used the popular spiritual meme to ‘let-go-of-the-past’ to keep me quiet. At this point, however, I had very much regained my voice and, several times, elbowed my way in! I was kind of hoping that a prominent astrologer such as Henry would see the truth of the statement that ‘the cosmos doesn’t lie, people do.’
This dynamic…which played out in these different scenarios had the very same flavor to each one. It was not merely the flavor of a particularly talkative personality…but of an energy of abject ‘control.’
Each person involved was/is colluding and covering up for the lies and deceptions of Nome, et al.
Once again, my intention is not to single out any particular individual(s) but to weave my reporting in such a way as to indicate the systemic level-of-cover for these teachers that exists in the conscious community.
Indeed, there’s a fond-ness, an appreciation and a ‘certain level of respect’….but not enough to betray my own self-respect and the integrity of Truth itself.
This shadow of lying, silencing and cover-up I feel is a remnant of patriarchal systems.
In saying that, it is also evident that men and women carry that shadow equally as, in this example, there were two women and two men who engaged in this energetic dynamic of the control of a ‘conversation’ in order that they not be confronted with me speaking face-to-face the actual truth they were/are so intent on covering up.
My deepest gratitude that you are following this story. ❦🌷
Yes…in our Humanity there are mistakes…there are victims…there are ‘stories’ that need to be told…especially when there has been existential harm at the hands of spiritual teachers.
“It’s more important to be in integrity than to be ‘enlightened’.” -Adyashanti
I am in complete agreement with this statement. Yet, if Adya TRULY felt this way he would have refused to participate in the non-dual, community-wide collusion and cover-up for the lies of: Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver (who goes by numerous, evasive, aliases).
This is sweeping hypocrisy.
Instead, in answer to a question of mine at one of his Santa Cruz talks, he indicated for me to actually return to SAT (The Society of Abidance in Truth).
That, of course, was an impossibility.
Yet…Adya was not the only one involved in this collusion. I am not reporting on his words to single him out as this breach-in-integrity was/is systemic-wide throughout the non-dual community.
However, he and Gangaji were two of the more well-known, and respected teachers, to participate in this pressure-campaign to ensure my silence regarding how/why the teachings of Nome and Russ were supposedly split up.
This was systemic collusion that placed the entirety of the burden…the entirety of their own karma…for those lies to fall squarely – and solely – on my shoulders.
In order to ensure ‘Integrity’ in the non-dual space…when (all) the acting teachers already know about these lies where is the problem with bringing this out in the open?
Is it truly ‘wise’ to perpetuate deceptions?
Thank you for following this blog and this ‘story.’ ❧
“It is my belief that 90 percent of the so-called masters in the modern world are not enlightened at all but are in fact occult magicians. The occult magician will use his or her occult powers to ensnare the devotee in a posture of adoration by feeding them visionary experiences, which may seem to open things up for the devotee but actually keeps one dependent on the guru. It’s a kind of drug pushing as dangerous on the spiritual level as cocaine or heroin is on the physical. Because people don’t know the difference between the divine and the occult, nor how accurately the occult can mimic the divine, nor how easily occult powers can be cultivated by the unscrupulous and ambitious. They take these powers and experiences to be unmistakeable signs of divine presence and go on worshipping as divine these people who have, in fact, shown that they are neither good, nor kind, nor humble, nor generous.”
~Interview with Andrew Harvey, Yoga Journal, July/August 1995 ❦
Along with certain levels of awakening there comes the access to differing levels of occult powers, variously known by such names as black magic, siddis, voodoo etc. These powers are generally known to exist by most cultures around the world…except by those of us in the West!
When aligning yourself with a teacher…no matter how clear they may present themselves…it is always a good precaution to pay attention to the subtler signs of shadow.
In the case with teachers: Nome and Russell Smith of SAT (The Society of Abidance in Truth in Santa Cruz, CA) and Candace O’Denver, aka Candice Rinpoche of Great Freedom/Balanced View in Marin…that shadow took the form of lies and deceptions…of which I became the ‘holder’ for.
Due to the sensitivity of the lies I was holding there were over-arching controls placed on this life to keep this ‘information’ from going public.
What occurred in this life to keep that ‘information’ from surfacing has been variously described as the ‘Soul’s torture chamber’…as akin to being ‘buried alive’…etc.
The controls over this life involved not only physical surveillance but extreme violations involving psychic violations utilizing auric blocks for purposes of relational control and psychic implants for extreme surveillance.
Detecting high-level siddis (occult powers) is almost impossible for human eyes.
If I had one piece of advice for anyone…whether on a spiritual path or not…it would be: “Clear your auric field daily.” 〄
(Photo image ‘Ensnared’…taken with an iPhone X in NW Portland)
