Tag: non-duality

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When Spiritual Surrender is Actual Poison

(Trailing Roses taken with an iPhone 4 in Santa Cruz, California, when I was still fully devoted
even after having received a death threat should I ever speak out.)

Don’t get me wrong: spiritual surrender can be beautiful in its utter letting-go. But let’s not throw out the baby-with-the-bathwater. In the wrong context…and there are some wrong situations…spiritual surrender can, definitively, be the exact opposite of what a person needs on this most-profound-of-all-journeys.

Trust is the bottom line.

The guru, in whom I had trusted with the entirety of my life, turned out to be the least trustworthy and God, Source, Spirit, whatever term you would choose to use, turned out to be trustworthy in the Absolute sense. It would be the internal downloads from Spirit that would, ultimately, lead me out of the existential hole that the controlling relationship to this guru had created.

Over the course of my twenty-plus years of spiritual practice I found spiritual surrender to be of profound depth and beauty. It was also the predominant path of many at the organization SAT (The Society of Abidance in Truth). That lasted until the time when Nome entered into a relationship with his then student, Judy Gilden, and decided that ‘spiritual inquiry’ would be the dominant path going forward. I continued on with my own practice…a combination of surrender and Dzogchen.

I was no slouch seeker. None of us were. We occasionally joked that we were definitely not at SAT for the pastries.

Much of what we engaged in over the years partook of highly ineffectual and inefficient practices…practices removed in time-and-space and decorated with the elaborate-ness of traditions that were/are long outdated. Judy Gilden, later Nome’s wife, exclaimed during one satsang, “I’ve been here for over a decade…and nothing.”

Yet, at the core of spiritual surrender at SAT was a trust in a higher power. This was the heartbeat of spiritual surrender. We need look no further than the Guru who was sitting in front of us.

“…if one first understands the profound Guru-and-disciple relationship and is accepted as a disciple, the absorption of the Teaching will come of itself.” This I fully believed and felt.

I jumped into the teaching at SAT earnestly beginning in late 1989. I let-go of thought (not wise when raising a family) let-go of worry and concern (great when raising a family) and sailed on a cloud of surrender where I received everything needed…even at a distance.

Fast forward to 2011 or so: when I had been up until then merely observing the lies-and-deceptions of Nome and Russell Smith, which I was giving-a-pass to in the name of spiritual ‘evolution’ and ‘freedom’ when non-dual teachers made the agreed-upon decision…across the entire non-dual teaching spectrum (including Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji, Jeannie Zandi and many others)…to place the full burden for their lies-and-deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family literally ripping my family apart. I was silenced (under a death threat) for a decade+…to ensure those lies would never become public knowledge.

This criminality has been described as a ‘Soul murder’ akin to being ‘buried alive.’

Those are absolutely accurate descriptions of the feeling of what occurred here.

Suddenly surrender became actual poison to this situation in which non-dual teachers foisted the full responsibility for their own actions on these shoulders and made me the sole “fall guy.”

It would take this temperament YEARS to realize that what had been second nature to me – surrender — was slowly betraying my Soul, betraying my family AND betraying the (actual) Truth.

The profound medicine of surrender had now become a profound and deadly poison. At this point, I have spent an equal amount of time healing myself from that particular devoted, bhakta path as I had spent on it!

In a delightful reading with a French-Canadian Tarot reader, one of the messages came through where she politely stated, “You need to upright your Emperor!!”

I had no idea what she was referring to. It would take me many years to rebalance an over-emphasized inner feminine with a long-missing inner masculine.

These teachers ALL knew of my ease with surrender…my proclivity to let people walk ALL OVER ME and to have utterly NO boundaries. I fully bought into the dangerous teaching expounded by non-dual teacher that Byron Katie that “Boundaries are an act of selfishness,” and “Victims are violent people.”

The teachers most directly involved in controlling this life so their deceptions would never become public knowledge used my own inner imbalance when I connected with a local man, seemingly random, to try and trigger an ‘awakening’ through the controlling use of toxic tantra…to try and induce a transcendent reality that some equate with actual ‘awakening.’

⚛️ Carl Jung: Individuation….and the Empath’s Road Back to Their Authentic Self: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/carl-jung-individuation

It was right about the 2nd year of connection with that local man that the no-nonsense teachings of Brene Brown came slamming into my awareness. It was like a slap on the face! WAKE-UP! and stop being a doormat for the utterly unconscious actions of ALL of these non-dual teachers…AND a doormat to this man whose tantric energy I was drunk on especially after close to 2 decades of emotional starvation due to an ‘auric block’ preventing relations, primarily intimate ones for obvious reasons. Brene Brown’s words were like a resounding wake-up call with the message: “You are going “against yourself” for all the wrong reasons!!”

“Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.” ~Brene Brown

“When somebody intentionally causes harm, that’s a choice they made with full awareness of its cost and they chose it anyway. Boundaries are not cruel; they are not harsh; they are not a form of revenge. They are clarity. They are protection. And, most importantly, they are self-respect in action.” ~Brene Brown

S L O W L Y…I began to ‘upright my Emperor.’ I began to speak-my-truth which is not easy after a literal death threat should I ever do so. And I, slowly, let go of that local man who had been obviously deceiving me the whole time.

This shift was mirrored in many ways, but most significantly in gradually moving my healing writing to the Substack platform…where there was a clean, clear and new energy.

My own website, www.integrityintruth.com had been started when there was significant fawning still present in my words. I included a bazillion flower photos…all my own photography which was also part of the healing process…but were included to, somehow, soften the intense darkness of what I was reporting on: namely actual criminality at the hands of non-dual teachers.

Around June of 2025 my writing began to take a significant turn with the beginning of this post: ⚛️ The Mystery of Past Lives: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-mystery-of-past-lives

Not everyone on the spiritual path needs ego-diminishment. Some actually need the exact opposite. That was clearly the case in this life. But it was never as clear as when I realized those teachers were blackmailing me using my own family. It was only when I rebalanced my inner feminine with an upright, clear and forceful inner masculine that I could even begin to write about their use of familial occult manipulation and blackmail. Ultimately, I was being blackmailed into surrender. These non-dual teachers indicated, I would be reunited with my family once I surrendered to THEIR lies and deceptions.

Historically, and with certain spiritual traditions, teachers have always manipulated families of seekers in order to achieve certain spiritual goals.

⚛️ The Unseen Use of Spiritual Power (Siddis) for Control-Over-Others…in Contemporary Non-dual Teachings: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-unseen-use-of-spiritual-power

A couple decades ago there was the magical appearance of the ‘lost chapters’ of Jacob Beilhart’s ‘Love Letters From Spirit to You.’ (Some will know Jacob Beilhart as the teacher to Joseph Benner, who was the author of the well-known book: “The Impersonal Life” 1914.)

As soon as I received the book in the mail there was a palpable shock that went thru my entire system as the mailman handed me the package. In that book were the ‘missing chapters’ …4 chapters not previously published.

Beilhart was a late 19th – early 20th century American Sage with ‘spiritual community’ in the Santa Cruz Mountains. I opened to the following… “…when you submit to all that is in your nature regardless as to what it has been in the past, or whether it is called good or evil, and resist not their expression even as you have not resisted the right of other persons and things to express what they would to you; when you abandon yourself entirely to all that I give you and condemn not in any expressions then I shall clear away every vestige of the past. And thus will I renew you in every part.”

The shift was subtle. No more apologizing. No more fawning. A decisive move into a far more authentic voice which, overtime, began an inner alignment where the feminine would work in tandem with the masculine. As I began to incorporate this masculine protection, I gathered enough strength to begin speaking out about the REAL DARKHORSE: that of these teachers using my own family to blackmail me into a surrender!

While quiet, it was enough that a sensitive man-friend back east (who I’ve never met in person) messaged me on FaceBook about this change in tone. My Emperor had FINALLY stood up…and he was defending me. Someone… my own self…finally had my back!

Thank you for following my work. 🌷 If you have any questions or comments please feel free to contact me at:

~Leslie@integrityintruth.com …and on Substack: https://leslieread.substack.com/publish/posts/published

My Emperor had FINALLY stood up…and he was defending me. Someone… my own self…finally had my back!
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The Unseen Use of Spiritual Power (Siddis) for Control-Over-Others…

in Contemporary Non-dual Teachings

There is no doubt that my former teachers would rely on the utter complexity-of-the-story and the unprovable nature of siddis (occult powers) to ensure that their cultish control-over-others — fueled by lies-and-deceptions — would never surface.

However, Truth always rises. Yet, how does one even begin to write about the Unseen??

How does one write about what, largely, cannot be proven?

That is what this post will be documenting. It is only by documenting, with supportive evidence, the series of events erected to protect this type of fundamentalism, that one can crack the wall-of-silence, pull-back-the-veil on the control of the occult and shed some light on what so many in the west simply do not believe.

This will be a post on unseen siddis or occult powers as they are used in contemporary non-dual spirituality. Aside from sexual abuse, which this post in no way makes light of…occult powers are the single-most controlling factor in modern-day spirituality, particularly in contemporary neo-advaita traditions.

It was in the early days of my affiliation with SAT that this deeply-devoted and open-heart was the recipient of many benevolent occult powers. So-much-so that I nearly wrote a book about them as there were so many. Often, those siddis were accompanied by hilarious incidences. While I can only describe my understanding of such, there was a very definitive “scent” upon the arrival of each magical occasion. That unmistakable ‘scent’ was of my former teacher, Nome.

While I never ascribed any egoistic attribute to such occurrences (which may be the reason I was privy to so many), I would often run next door to my father’s small abode, and say, “You would not believe what just happened!!” Whereupon he would say: “I do not experience such occurrences, but I do believe you.” He could sense that I was not making any of this up. There were many such occasions.

From the very first, of a Bearded Collie puppy that arrived in our lives: a breed well-known for being good with young children and a puppy who had been advertised for several hundred dollars. Upon arriving at the breeder’s I was convinced by the owner to ‘take my pick’ of the litter — for free!! — and was sent-off with vaccination shots, a bath, and a crate to take her home in! ALL for FREE!

From there, I and my entire family would reap the rewards of numerous discounted airline flights from Denver to Santa Cruz…over-the-years an average of about $25. for each flight! The first of such free flights ended with my sitting in the airport lounge, steeped in bliss.

It was then that I knew exactly where all these free-flights were coming from.

On one such occasion, my entire family volunteered to give up our seats in exchange for two free airline tickets for each of us, whereupon the flummoxed pilot was heard saying, “How did that entire family get kicked off!?” My daughter joyously dancing down the airline ramp and singing “We got kicked off!!”

Occasionally, although rarely, Nome and Russ would appear together in an occult scenario. They could appear as anyone. I understand that it’s hard to wrap one’s mind around the fact that a person could assume an alternate identity.

 Siddis can do anything.

Yet it was always the same feeling-scent. The feeling-scent was utterly unmistakable in each instance. (People are generally unaware of the reality of occult siddis and are definitely unaware of when siddis directly affect them!)

Spiritual teacher Andrew Harvey offers one of the very rare insights into this dynamic:

“It is my belief that 90 percent of the so-called masters in the modern world are not enlightened at all but are in fact occult magicians. The occult magician will use his or her occult powers to ensnare the devotee in a posture of adoration by feeding them visionary experiences, which may seem to open things up for the devotee but actually keeps one dependent on the guru. It’s a kind of drug pushing as dangerous on the spiritual level as cocaine or heroin is on the physical. Because people don’t know the difference between the divine and the occult, nor how accurately the occult can mimic the divine, nor how easily occult powers can be cultivated by the unscrupulous and ambitious. They take these powers and experiences to be unmistakable signs of divine presence and go on worshipping as divine these people who have, in fact, shown that they are neither good, nor kind, nor humble, nor generous.”

Andrew’s description perfectly illustrates how the occult can easily mimic the Divine and ensnare both the student and the teacher alike.

Because of my knowledge of the ruse-of-the-story behind the brothers and the deceptions of Nome & Russell Smith it gradually became too dangerous for me to remain at SAT as those teachers feared the rest of the sangha, especially the Indians, would find out.

To this day, there are a handful of people who had been there since their late teens and 20’s. And quite a few who have consistently given their entire salaries and so much of their time. Of course, the Indians, who Nome wanted to help the most, had to be shielded from what I knew.

When asked about my reporting Nome resorted to the standard refrain for all deflectors stating: “She’s lying.”

Right before the end of my time at SAT Nome stated, in silence, a warning which would come true and which would affect every single aspect of this life and the lives of my family.  

He said: “The hardest thing for you will be to not be able to be in a relationship.”

This would be the very beginning of the once-benevolent siddis turning deeply-malevolent and existentially controlling.

In that moment, of course, I had no idea what he was referring to, but I will never forget that silent statement. It would only be after I had left, and after several sessions with a handful of respected seer-healers and medical intuitives that each, independently, told me an “auric block” had been placed in my field for purposes of restricting relationships.

Although that ‘auric block’ would mean ALL relationships (I was isolated for a decade+ with the exception of those forming an airtight space of collusion and complicity) it would be primarily intimate relationships, for obvious reasons.

And while there were three men (two of whom were sent via Nome/Adyashanti) those ‘companions’ would only work as long as I betrayed myself.

The existential restriction of intimate relationships would, ultimately affect every single area of my life:

  • personal
  • mental/emotional/psychological
  • physical
  • spiritual
  • familial
  • financial etc.

It was the beginning of what has been described as a “soul murder” akin to being “buried alive.”

Those descriptions, by Aile Shebar, of what happened in this life are excruciatingly accurate descriptions to the feeling-sense and the depth of psychological agony.

This was the very beginning of when non-dual teachers made the agreed-upon decision…across the full non-dual teaching spectrum (including Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji, Jeannie Zandi and many others)…to place the entirety of the burden for their lies-and-deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family, literally ripping my family apart…silencing and isolating me (under a death threat) for a decade+…to ensure those lies would never become public knowledge.

During the “Compression Years” (an actual description used by those at SAT) from 2013-2015, in which Adyashanti played a major role, a “psychic implant” was planted in the right side of my brain.

Again, at that time, I had no idea what a ‘psychic implant’ was nor had I ever heard of such a thing. The seer who pointed it out during a session stated that a “psychic implant” is used for purposes of extreme, existential surveillance, allowing the host to see-with-your-eyes, hear-with-your-ears, etc…

Again, seer-healers and medical intuitives, all independently pointed-out the implant out as did, oddly, a medical MRI.

(There were SO many covering for the brand of Adyashanti: people who were intent on shielding him from the possible fallout should any of what I was being forced to hold…lies that were not mine and for a teaching I did not believe in…happen to come to light.

As The universe would have it, I had numerous connections with people who were complicit in their collusion with these teachers, and the vast majority of them I had photos of.

The following link indicates some of those connected with, and covering for, Adyashanti…many who I met with in-person:

⚛️ Coffee Lane and the many engaging in sweeping deception (scroll down on this page to see the photo images): https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/coffee-lane-and-the-two-years-prior-to-moving-to-portland-december-2015-july-2018-%e2%9c%be/

It would also be during this time of the ‘compression years’ that I realized my family was, also, being manipulated (details of which I will not relay on a public platform.)

At the time, I felt I had to succumb to such controls.

Objecting to ‘spiritual authority’ absolutely felt foreign to this devoted heart.

The notion that I could possibly have the self-respect to stop this or even report on what was occurring would not arrive until much later.

No doubt this was from the MANY times Nome stressed that to betray or harm in any way, a self-realized Master, would end up in devastating karma.

⚛️ The Ultimate Demise of Fundamentalist Spirituality…The Arrogance of Superiority: https://leslieread.substack.com/…/the-ultimate-demise…

Over time, I became aware of the fact that these teachers were using my family to blackmail me further into silence, on top of the already placed ‘auric block’ and ‘psychic implant.’

Historically, and with certain spiritual traditions, teachers have manipulated families of seekers in order to achieve certain spiritual goals. In contemporary culture this is, now, considered criminal abuse.

About 10 years ago Nome’s wife Sasvati (a siddha master in her own right) appeared in the line at the Santa Cruz Costco a couple rows down from me. She was with her two daughters and laughing unusually loudly so as to get my attention.

The message was abundantly clear: if I surrendered, I’d be reunited with my daughter and son…who I already knew were being manipulated and controlled by siddis (occult controls) in their communication with me. However, surrender is always to The Truth and never to lies, deceptions and control-over-others.

The controls over my family have been on-going…and long-term.                                                

Nome…(Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji etc) definitely did not want the ‘information’ I was holding to be shared, in any way, with my two kids…especially my daughter. These teachers all had their hands in the ‘Compression Years’…and in the deliberate ripping apart of my family.

Ultimately, it would be my family that would be the prime reason, of course, for ALL of my reporting.

These teachers truly felt confident in their feeling that what had occurred to me, was far too complex to report on, and improbable to prove. (My reporting is primarily for those who already know I am telling the truth! This reporting is basically serving as a mirror.) Additionally, Nome certainly counted on a highly-devoted heart, not only to these teachers, but to so-called ‘awakening’ teachings.

In some sense, that was all very true.

It would take me many, many years to gain enough self-respect to stop acquiescing and follow the Guidance of Spirit and Source in the unwinding of such an existential control.

I remember lying in bed at the Coffee Lane apartment, feeling utterly helpless about the state of this life and the immensity of control… a type of control that I was aware of for the entire past two decades. My life had, literally, been taken.

Two years later, I would move to Portland, which would give me the physical space away from the vast numbers of people in Santa Cruz who had been lying directly to me regarding their knowledge of my former teachers and of what had occurred.

Matt Licata described my ‘situation’ as a “cosmic betrayal” — indicating the immense scope of the betrayal.

⚛️ The Tangled Web of Deception: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-tangled-web-of-deception

The move to Portland would interrupt the physical surveillance and the betrayal by many in that community. But the move would have zero effect on the actual siddis which became dramatically worse after the move to Portland. After I arrived in Portland, there ensued being, literally, stalked by the occult – stalked by siddis.

It was during this time that my health began deteriorating to the point where I thought I could easily die from high blood pressure. This was the result of the enormous stress of being stalked…and from enduring an exceedingly high debt-level on high-interest credit cards to pay my living expenses and ensure my reporting could begin, which it did in early 2019.

Nothing was bringing that HBP down and I could not explain it to the physician.

What would I say?! I’m being stalked by siddis??

This stress would continue from 2018 thru the middle of 2025 when I finally stopped the fawning in my expressed, written voice…when my voice became much more aligned with an inner self-respect.

Notably this important turning point was also when I began my writing on Substack. It was as if I had to move the platform of my writing…a move away from my website…to clear-out even more energy from the past.

⚛️ Carl Jung: Individuation….and the Empath’s Road Back to Their Authentic Self: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/carl-jung-individuation

It would only be through the interior Guidance of Spirit, and the downloads I received, that I would continue in my reporting.

Non-dual teachers were willing to, literally, take someone’s life instead of owning-their-actions…and they felt they could hide it with the unseen powers of the occult within an airtight community.

⚛️ This link describes (only the benevolent of) Osho’s occult powers…courtesy the late Mamaji: https://www.oshonews.com/2011/12/27/16th-karmapa-about-osho/ (Nome was hugely influenced by Osho. The above link explains many of the identical benevolent siddis that both these teachers held. And yet, like with any duality, that attribute includes darkness as well.)

I could never quite reconcile the ‘awakening’ of my former teachers with what I was seeing with my own eyes and empathic sense, namely the lies, deceptions, and some very obvious sexual abuses that are now being reported on (aka Deepak) and which were clearly evident within the Osho cult.

⚛️ The Cult of Radical Non-Duality: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-cult-of-non-duality

⚛️ Inside Osho’s controversial cult – The dark side of the Rajneesh movement (Full Documentary, 2013): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6UVw7M5tlo

In light of that, I fully agree with Jeffrey Wolf Green’s assessment of Osho as a ‘sexually awakened’ person and not a ‘spiritually enlightened’ one. I do believe that was the case with Nome and the many who occupy the non-dual arena.

(Jeffrey Wolf Green, Neptune: Whispers from Eternity, 2016, Osho example: pps. 139-150)

⚛️ ASI LETTER (Association for Spiritual ‘Integrity’) 03/06/2023 at the end of which is a link to a short recording (22 min.) detailing the occult controls over 4-generations of my family… to which Rick Archer said to just walk away: https://www.dropbox.com/s/hga3c7zpo1v973j/ASI%20Letter%2003%3A06%3A23.pdf?dl=0&e=1&fbclid=IwAR2hNCDCiHgzRQrXqce9WFFH5vgHGHoGlda3PUlGKT2n1qMuoFfoMadMbvs

Thank you for following my work. 🌷

Please feel free to contact me with any questions or to share your own experiences. ❦

Warmly, Leslie@integrityintruth.com

⚛️ Integrity in Truth https://www.integrityintruth.com

And on substack: https://substack.com/@leslieread/posts

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Carl Jung: Individuation

….and the Empath’s Road Back to Their Authentic Self

“When someone’s shadow is reflected back through another person’s clear perception, the unconscious mind has two choices: integrate the shadow or attack the mirror. Jung documented this pattern repeatedly in his clinical work. The person who sees clearly gets blamed for creating the problems they’re merely observing.“ ~Carl Jung

This creates what Jung called the scapegoat phenomenon.

The Scapegoat Phenomenon courtesy Bing Images

In the case here…I was merely observing the lies-and-deceptions of non-dual teachers, which I was giving-a-pass to in the name of spiritual ‘evolution’ and ‘Freedom’ when, later, non-dual teachers would make the agreed-upon decision…across the FULL non-dual teaching spectrum (including Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji, Jeannie Zandi and many others)…to place the ENTIRETY of the burden for their lies-and-deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family.

That criminal decision made it virtually impossible for me to be myself. Some called it a ‘Soul murder’ akin to being ‘buried alive.’

“Individuation is the courage to be oneself.” ~Carl Jung

“Highly perceptive individuals often become the designated problem in every group they enter, not because they cause problems, but because they reveal problems that already exist in the collective unconscious. Jung observed: “The bearer of superior perception becomes the repository for all that the group cannot consciously acknowledge about itself. This pattern explains why these individuals don’t just feel misunderstood, they feel systematically targeted by a force they can’t rationally explain.” -Carl Jung

In the most recent months of my healing journey, I began to piece-back-together the “Soul fragmentation” that was a result of having been silenced (under a death threat) and isolated at the hands of non-dual teachers. When those teachers made their decision to scapegoat me I was silenced (under a death threat) for a decade+…to ensure those lies would never never become public knowledge. This criminality has been described as a ‘Soul murder’ akin to being ‘buried alive.’ Those are absolutely accurate descriptions of the feeling of what occurred here. There has been zero accountability and no one who said “this is not right.”

It would be the Jungian teachings…along with the understanding of Evolutionary Astrology which Jung, also, intuitively understood and adhered to… that provided some of the deepest-and-clearest answers as to “why?”

Screenshot
Screenshot

⚛️ The Mystery of Past Lives:  https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-mystery-of-past-lives

“What really happens when you, finally…perhaps after lifetimes…begin to love yourself?”

According to Carl Jung, self-love is not a mindset or a motivational habit. It is a psychological transformation that restructures your entire relational world. You no longer accept certain behaviors; you establish boundaries where, before, there were none AND this new energy frequency repels some people/things/situations and newly attracts others who are more in alignment with your current, evolved vibrational energy.

As is often-the-case, an unexpected catalyst arrived in this life…one that would ultimately demand my own self-respect and self-love.

In this life, individuation would be unexpectedly-and-intensely catalyzed through a connection with a man I was deeply attracted to. This man was very adept at tantra: in this case, a tantra used for emotional manipulation (one could call that ‘toxic tantra’ – a deeply controlling drug-like sexual method that, I intuited, was directed by Gangaji and Eli Jaxon-Bear, during this man’s visit to Ashland). It turned out this was a man who also knew of my former teachers and of what occurred at their hands. With the connection to this man those teachers were hoping for a ‘sexual awakening’ upon which they would, then, restore my estranged family which Nome had restricted. (In certain cultures and spiritual traditions, the manipulation of families was often used to force certain spiritual outcomes.)

Obviously this man was not being forthcoming-and-honest with me about the connection with those teachers…or anything else in his life.

That betrayal ultimately forced-my-hand and re-organized the entirety of how I looked at myself, my world, my truth and The Universe.

In this profound sense, that man was an evolutionary catalyst and ultimate Blessing in this life.

Up until this point, I had been led to believe, especially in the non-dual teachings I was involved with for over 20+ years, that to deny oneself is the way to spiritual freedom. The standard ego-diminishment approach of radical, transcendent-addicted non-duality.

No doubt that radical approach to transcendent awakening can work (depending on what you consider ‘awake’) especially in an airtight, insular environment where there has been an establishment of “complete trust.” I saw this approach be successful with a handful of friends who, then, looked horrified as they could, finally, see what I had been forced to hold for years.

For many years, I felt that my trust and devotion was, certainly, strong enough to withstand such a complete ‘erasure.’

That was until that trust would be completely betrayed beginning with the ‘character assassination’ and numerous instances that culminated in Russ stating (in a taped session) that “we had to pick someone” indicating that I would be sidelined out of “Sudden Awakening” as I would be, ultimately, at SAT several years later. This sidelining was ALL due to seeing through the lies of these teachers.

⚛️ Character Assassination: https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/character-assassination/

⚛️ The Existential Danger of Radical Non-Duality: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-existential-danger-of-radical

The connection with this catalyst man forced the unspoken ultimatum of a profound Love…but only if I would continue to:

– betray myself

– betray my family and

– betray the truth of a situation.

It was a betrayal SO UTTERLY COMPLETE: asking me to uphold the lies of non-dual teachers…to succumb to the very real occult (via siddis) manipulation of my family and to uphold a patriarchal, transcendent teaching that I no longer believed in as being the liberating teaching. All of those, together, was something I could NOT do.

It would take me many months of back-and-forth and for my conscious understanding to seep down in to exactly what my Soul was demanding. I was intensely attracted to this man and was, at that point, emotionally starved from the existential restriction of an ‘auric block’ which restricted all relations, primarily intimate relationships, for obvious reasons.

Over the following months, noticeably beginning around June of 2025, I began to see the actual play of this unconscious attachment…and how my connection to this man was being weaponized by non-dual teachers to ensure their lies and deceptions would never become public knowledge. My former teachers, no doubt, felt my empathic over-giving, people-pleasing nature would continue in her self-betrayal…especially as I had been blocked and surveilled (via ‘auric block’ and ‘psychic implant’) from relations, primarily intimate ones, for over a decade…a block that would affect every single area of my life: mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, familial etc.

It was the connection with this man, who touted his own self-love…as any proud Leo is apt to do (!)…that began to catalyze my own journey of self-love, self-respect and, ultimately, back to myself. Slowly, I stopped negotiating my own self-worth for access-to-love and I stopped bargaining my unconsciously devalued-self and began to return to my own inner authority. Belonging, no matter who or what it’s to would never require you to betray yourself.

Finally, I stopped negotiating my self-worth for this man’s access.

When I finally decided “no more”…this man said “I don’t know if I should be glad or sad for you.” That was as close as he would ever get to being honest with me.

When I was forced, under threat for more than a decade, to be the “holder” for the lies and deceptions of non-dual teachers it became impossible to “become who I truly was.”

“Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.”~Brene Brown

Self-betrayal is the empath’s learned survival strategy and mechanism. This was, absolutely acknowledged by Nome…indeed, he would rely on my compliance to ensure the corruption in the non-dual space would never become public knowledge.

The empath learns to bargain their Soul and soften their boundaries in order to become acceptable.

This was definitely reinforced in the non-dual path…as it is in many traditions.

“Boundaries are an act of selfishness” and “Victims are violent people.” ~Byron Katie

An interesting memory came up when I was contemplating this aspect of the empath: I remember exactly the moment of recognition by Nome, in the middle of a talk, when he acknowledged, in silence, the ‘spiritual’ aspect of my own propensity of over-giving, akin to the martyr complex in Catholicism. It was a moment of understanding regarding the mutual symbiotic relationship between the empath and the controlling doctrine involving lies and deceptions of this teacher.

It was about people who see everything others miss, and why this ability destroys them. In his clinical practice, Jung documented patients with what he called “differentiated perception.” Individuals who could read micro-expressions, sense hidden emotions, and perceive psychological patterns that escaped everyone else. They saw through social masks, detected lies instantly, and felt the unconscious tensions in every room. Jung called this discovery “dangerous” because these people consistently ended up isolated, exhausted, and unable to maintain normal relationships. ~Carl Jung

People began to disappear as I was growing into myself. Deep inside I knew this was/is no mistake. I could feel the profound inner re-alignment under way. For the first time in this life…and no doubt lifetimes…I was beginning to feel like myself. There would be the felt snapshots-of-perception when, interiorly, everything fell into alignment. This was a new sensation. As this Self began to become the center of my psyche, relationships…and everything else not in that same frequency…began to reorganize naturally. This feels to be the ongoing process of lifetime(s).

…a LONG time!

Thank you for following this journey of a Soul reclaiming herself. No doubt this is the path of many sensitive beings.

As I grow in my own process I will add posts of the Wisdom of Carl Jung as it pertains to the empath and the process of individuation. There are, currently, many videos that beautifully capture and animate the teachings of Carl Jung…especially regarding the psychology of the empath and the, oftentimes, arduous road to individuation and the role of the healed empath.

A couple examples:

“The empathic individuals inability to forgive emotional deception isn’t weakness. Jung would call it the Wisdom of the integrated Self… the ultimate act of psychological integrity.”

⚛️ “The one emotional mistake super empaths never forgive”… https://youtu.be/bOQzQiT15CY

⚛️ Why Empaths Who Stop Caring Become the Most Dangerous of All…(it’s never that we ‘stop’ caring!) yet this is a powerful video: https://youtu.be/xwALbIQayX4

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or would like to discuss an aspect of your own journey.

Warmly,

-Leslie@integrityintruth.com

⚛️ And on substack: https://substack.com/@leslieread/posts

Next up: The False Sense of Belonging…and other aspects, links and videos pertaining to Carl Jung and the liberating process of individuation.

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The Cult of Radical Non-Duality…as found in neo-advaita, ACIM etc.

Simply put, a cult is a person and/or organization ensuring abject control over its members thru a variety of means. It has been widely touted that intelligent people would never end-up in such situations… yet, some of the most intelligent folks certainly got ensnared in the Osho cult as well as the cult I was involved with for well over 2-decades.

“A cult is a group, religious organization or family structure of any size led by a charismatic leader. Cults control their members through manipulation, abuse, and coercion. These groups feature transcendent belief systems, and create self-sealing systems from which followers find it difficult to escape.” ~Lalich Center on Cults and Coercion

My time at SAT (the Society of Abidance in ‘Truth’) spanned over 2-decades beginning in late 1989.  During that time I would have never considered the teachings of non-duality, as presented by Nome and Russell Smith, to be a cult. THAT …was/is precisely how insular SAT is.

Let me explain….

Somewhat similar to Donald Trump saying exactly what he is going to do (as-above-so-below) Russell Smith actually exclaimed, one day, for all of us to hear: “Cultic tactics actually work!”  

That should have been the obvious-and-decisive indicator for me to leave…immediately.

Yet…what over-road even such an outrageous exclamation were the underlying, unseen high-level occult practices of a siddha…in this case Nome. As a siddha, Nome had/has access to occult powers (siddis)…which can literally do anything.
It was this, plus the fact that Nome knew-that-I-knew of his lies and was seemingly helping me in the silent background (THAT is a whole other story!).

While a true Siddha rarely shows these to his/her followers my experience was the perception of MANY siddis with this teacher. So many, I almost wrote a book about them as they were often hilarious and, by-far, most were benevolent and helpful in the earlier years of my highly-devoted practice.

Those siddis were helpful until Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji, Jeannie Zandi and many other non-dual teachers in their orbit made the decision to place the entire burden for their lies and deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family.

It was then that those siddis (occult powers) turned deeply malevolent and controlling over every.single.aspect.of.this.life. Those siddis were SO controlling that someone described my situation as a “Soul murder” akin to being “buried alive.” Those are excruciatingly accurate descriptions.

An apt quote from Andrew Harvey on contemporary spiritual teachers:

“It is my belief that 90 percent of the so-called masters in the modern world are not enlightened at all but are in fact occult magicians. The occult magician will use his or her occult powers to ensnare the devotee in a posture of adoration by feeding them visionary experiences, which may seem to open things up for the devotee but actually keeps one dependent on the guru. It’s a kind of drug pushing as dangerous on the spiritual level as cocaine or heroin is on the physical. Because people don’t know the difference between the divine and the occult, nor how accurately the occult can mimic the divine, nor how easily occult powers can be cultivated by the unscrupulous and ambitious. They take these powers and experiences to be unmistakable signs of divine presence and go on worshipping as divine these people who have, in fact, shown that they are neither good, nor kind, nor humble, nor generous.” ~Andrew Harvey

The lies I was forced (under a death threat) to hold were in regard to the supposed split of the Smith brothers (Nome and Russell) and Russell’s development of Great Freedom/Balanced View with Candace O’Denver. While I never met Candace in person, nor visited her center, I had a reluctant meeting in 2016/17 with Kevin Corlette and Britt Posmer who had just finished a visit to ‘Great Freedom.’ In that meeting I asked what that center was like. Hesitatingly, Kevin stated (paraphrasing) it was “Far too controlling for his liking.” Alternatively, Britt mentioned to stay dedicated to a root Guru. My intuitive sense, in that moment, was that she was indicating for me to stay silent. Coming from Britt, who I greatly admired, this statement actually kept me silent for another couple years.

The teachings of Nome, Russell Smith/Candace O’Denver, etc. grew-up out of the morally corrupt neo-advaita teachings of, primarily, Osho Rajneesh but may have, also, been influenced by Adi Da (who goes by a variety of names stemming from Franklin Jones), Mooji etc. Osho’s entire cult is wrapped in the mesmerizing, albeit beautiful, musical culture of Deva Premal and Miten occasionally accompanied by Manose (Miten and Manose have their own reported sexual exploits).

The following is an important comment by Jeffrey Wolf Green (founder of Evolutionary Astrology) on the spiritual evolution of Osho. I feel it applies equally to Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’ Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji, Jeannie Zandi, Byron Katie and many other currently acting non-dual teachers:

“Rajneesh experienced a fall from Grace, because of intense, spiritual delusions of grandeur, and a secret egocentric agenda that pointed the way to himself as the vehicle to salvation. Since he was exposed as a fraud who perverted natural laws because of his own self-interest, we now know that he was really here to fulfill his own soul’s evolutionary intentions. There was a huge emphasis on paying his Saturnian Karmic dues (Saturn exactly opposite Pluto), and having to learn some very harsh lessons around maturity, cooperation, and taking personal responsibility for the consequences of his actions/choices: hence, the massive fall from Grace that was as an evolutionarily necessity. As the mask was finally removed, and his living-a-lie exposed as fraudulent, Pluto, his own soul, would reveal the truth that was not in harmony with natural law, and eliminate (Pluto), the false doctrines to reveal the truth of his deception to the world. The deception was that he had created teachings of the natural truth, but in truth had lured his followers through a sexual vibration, not a spiritual one. Rajneesh was a sexually realized guru, not a God realized one.” (Page 149 of 538 of Neptune: Whispers from Eternity by Jeffrey Wolf Green)

This KEY statement in the above paragraph: “The deception was that he had created teachings of the natural truth, but in truth had lured his followers through a sexual vibration, not a spiritual one. Rajneesh was a sexually realized guru, not a God realized one…”

The above statement is one that accurately describes Nome, Adi Da, Mooji, Candace O’Denver, Amma (the hugging ‘Saint’) and so many other currently acting non-dual teachers…including the teachings of ACIM (A Course in Miracles). They are not God realized.

As sexually realized gurus…the use of sex… including the sexual abuse of under-age girls in the ashrams…is now coming to light as seen in the various reports of the children, now grown women, who grew up in those cults.

As reports have it, by the time I arrived at SAT in 1989, many of the sexual exploits had been “cleaned up.”

As many were/are awakening to the ‘natural truth’ of wholeness…by whatever means: NDE’s (near death experiences), their own attention or thru the current non-dual teachers…people began hanging-out their signs in the hopes for the often-lucrative teaching of non-duality which…to this day…is hyped as the equivalent of the teaching of The Christ and The Buddha…which they clearly are not.

The real danger is in the declaration, and false claim, that this non-dual ‘realization’ was THE actual ‘awakened spirituality.’

This false equivalent is further explored here: Nihilistic, Radical Non-Duality and ACIM…are NOT the Equivalent of Spirituality: ⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/radical-non-duality-and-acim-are-not-the-equivalent-of-spirituality/

Facebook Friend David Bingham accurately describes the teachers of neo-advaita:

“…in this modern age the Neo-Advaitan tradition of the truth existing ultimately in the sphere of the non-dual (which is followed by so many, with so many esteemed teachers) is a deeply flawed model of understanding of the nature of the human condition and its relationship with the Infinite.   It is a form of understanding which has an in-built tendency to deeply exacerbate illusions concerning the experiences of life and in turn to generate rigidities around its interpretation.  In doing so it has great potential to be harmful to the fundamental well-being of its adherents, all the more so because it dresses itself in the clothes of liberation. It is a false and incomplete freedom of the age.”

Moral-and-just, neo-advaita is NOT. The old patriarchal paradigm of abuse and control-over-others to ‘free’ people from their attachments to a ‘world’…takes the approach straight-out of the ancient Rumi (among others) play-book: “Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field…I will meet you there.” These teachers literally felt that right-and-wrong – and KARMA – did not apply to them in their transcendent selves.

The Precipitous Dynamic…of imposed suffering, control, subservience and constriction as mechanisms to ‘trigger’ awakening: ⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/the-precipitous-dynamicof-imposed-suffering-control-subservience-and-constriction-as-mechanisms-to-trigger-awakening/

“The paradox is that the character/ego persona of even the awakened Self still goes thru its cause and effect as long as it dons a physical body – that’s why masters fall ill or lose someone etc – but as awakened Self they are wholly detached from the role….thus its effects don’t affect them! Thus no-me no karma!  But cause and effect IS; it’s like a board game on which the cosmic play plays out!” ~Divyaa Kumar

The teachings of neo-advaita/non-duality were/are completely devoid of the ethical integrity that is the Hallmark of true Spirituality.

Leonard Jacobson, as well as many others, actually marketed their teachings as the equivalent of the teachings of The Christ and The Buddha!

Instead of the altruism of genuine Spirituality we have the arrogance of such closed systems looking to preserve the non-dual brand (and their view of what ‘awakening’ is) and the brands of various non-dual teachers such as:

-SAND (Science & Non-Duality)

-Rick Archer’s BatGap (Buddha at the Gas Pump)

-The relatively new association of supposed over-sight: the ASI (Association of Spiritual Integrity) co-founded by Rick Archer and Jac O’Keeffe shortly after I began reporting on this website: ⚛️ https://www.integrityintruth.com

Some have said I am “anti-teacher.” This is not entirely an accurate statement yet, at this point, it is mostly true. As with any system, there are some who are far more dangerous than others…and the scary paradox is that those who may appear the most credible can, also, be the most dangerous.

I now feel that the risk of associating with any given teacher is far greater than, certainly, our own ever-present-and-direct line to God, Source, Spirit, whatever name feels right-and-true for you… and that that Line is ever pure and undefiled by corruption and control.

In the words of Ken Wilber: “Unless you are on a path that includes not only ‘waking up’…but ’growing-up’ AND ‘cleaning-up’…all 3-in-one package…you are going to get f**ked!! You WILL end up in a bad, bad way because one of these is going to go sour. That is THE major, unfortunate, path that the majority of people end up taking… and they end up wasting a life. Samadhi does not, of course, address (ANY) shadow elements…in some cases it makes it *worse* as there is pure dis-identification.”

⚛️ The Existential Dangers of Pure Dis-Identification: https://integrityintruth.com/the-existential-dangers-of-pure-dis-identification/

Looking back, the characteristics the cult at SAT included the following:

-an airtight insularity and airtight secrecy

-the cutting off of anything worldly…the duality-of-non-duality

-strict dictates of dress and actions

-an efficient money-making organization (including the concept of tithing and loan ‘forgiveness’) and assigning your will to SAT as recipient

-an extensive web of lies and deceptions

-cutting people off from their families and friends

-extensive ‘love-bombing’ by those in the non-dual community looking to keep the deceptions I was forced to hold from ever becoming public knowledge.

-using the teachings themselves to gaslight the one who might report on the harm

– polarized, us-versus-them mentality…mirroring the utter duality of non-duality

-an exalted and arrogant status of, not only the teacher, but of its members

-immense control over your time in the forms of service

-pitting some people against others in the group…in the olden days it would be women competing with other women…a sad aspect of the patriarchy

-manipulation of how the group is perceived through publications etc.

-the use of (and threats by) mostly unseen-and-unknown siddis (occult powers)

-reliance on and alignment with traditional spiritual texts and historical Saints and figures

-collusion with other non-dual teachers

-little to no disagreement with the main teacher(s)

-deference to the teacher

Thank you for following my work. Please leave me a comment if you have ever experienced similar or are currently with a group…and, always, if you have any questions and/or comments..

For hotline resources please visit:

-Steven Hassan’s Bite Model of Authoritarian Control: ⚛️ https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/bite-model-pdf-download/

-The Lalich Center: ⚛️ https://www.lalichcenter.org/resources-what-is-a-cult

-Rick Ross’s Cult Education Institute: ⚛️ https://culteducation.com/culteducation.html

-Joel Kramer and Diana Alstad’s “Guru Papers – Masks of Authoritarian Control” (a free PDF of the entire book): ⚛️ https://www.joeldiana.com/?page_id=8

Warmly…❣️🌷

-Leslie@integrityintruth.com

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THE Precipitous Dynamic…of imposed suffering, control, subservience and constriction as mechanisms to ‘trigger’ awakening

This post will discuss a bit of the common use, in non-dual teachings, of imposed suffering as the primary mechanism to trigger an awakening and the notion that, as an individual, you have no inherent worth as a Human Being.

The early days at SAT (The Society of Abidance in Truth) were primarily devotional…for all of us. We were led to believe that Nome was, then-and-forever, a Sanyasi. When he changed his mind and decided to enter into a relationship many of us who were deeply devoted, myself included, suffered immensely. I’ve never been a jealous person…and Nome has acknowledged this publicly even saying, somewhat exasperated,

 in Satsang “Ok…so you’re not the jealous type!” (The pitting of women-against-women is a classic, unfortunate component of patriarchal authoritarian structures.) I suffered the physical symptoms of what medicine, now, correctly calls a ‘broken heart’ manifesting as a dangerous ventricular arrhythmia. The physical symptoms of this precipitous dynamic resulted not only in a heart arrhythmia but, later, as a dangerously sustained ultra-high-blood pressure from the stress of being forced (under threat) to hold the lies belonging to those teachers. Karma that was deliberately foisted on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family, while we were deliberately separated to ensure those deceptions would never become public knowledge.

In a taped private session Russell Smith told me that I had suffered more than most at SAT…and this was before what would, later, occur at their hands.

Russell’s words should have been the critical, advanced warning.

About a decade+ into intense practice at SAT…and coming fresh off a retreat…I was going down-the-stairs to the basement dungeon where I packaged up the SAT book orders. I was beyond worried with how-on-earth I was going to do all the tasks that kept piling up.

I was SO worried by the time I got down the stairs that I truly felt I would have a heart attack.

Right then-and-there, I concentrated on the task in front of me. Instantly I expanded out as pure Space and became omni-present. I was the rock outside-the-door next to my desk…etc.

In that very moment, Nome called the bookstore desk-phone and said “See? That wasn’t so hard!”

During my time in the basement my desk was located in the hallway next to several of the rooms that SAT rented out to ensure the solvency of the temple. I used to be the person in charge of those rentals as it was my idea to rent out the unused spaces on the property in order to ‘save the temple.’ After my stint renting out rooms that service was given to another member. One day a man walked out of his room and, going by me, deliberately brushed-up against me in the hallway where I worked. As an empath who is deeply sensitive to energies, every-fiber-of-my-being went on red-alert. I ran upstairs, grabbed Bob Haber who was in the kitchen and pulled him into the bookstore and locking the door behind us. I was too shaken to even speak. Bob had to call Siva-Loka (the name for the sage’s residence) to have Russell try and calm me down.

That man in the basement was later convicted of murder in Oregon!!

When I asked HOW and WHY someone would possibly rent to such a person I was told by Aya Oden it was because “He was wearing white!!” 🤦‍

I would no longer work in the books as long as that tenant was there. Nome, knowing of my trust in him, decided to use this precipitous dynamic of intense fear as sadhana and convinced me to stay in my job…even while that, later convicted and imprisoned, man was still there!

Shortly thereafter the teachings shifted from devotional practices to self-inquiry and the, supposed, split between the teachings of Nome and Russell took place.

In my own practice a lot of Wisdom flowed on that devotion. Just as it had when I was a young girl who came in to this life devoted to The Christ. In early grammar school it was through that devotion, and an unwavering deep trust from prior lifetimes, that I would experience bliss states and, what is now referred to, as ‘flow.’

Inquiry was never my practice.

Because I had seen too much regarding the deceptions of Nome and Russ, I was finally asked to leave by Jim Clark.

Approximately a year after leaving Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver (along with others in the non-dual community notably Adyashanti, Gangaji, Jeannie Zandi etc.) made the decision to place the entirety of the karma for their lies and deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family.

In one of my earlier attempts at obtaining ‘help’ from a teacher, I attended a rare talk in the Santa Cruz area given by Jeff Foster. While I could not describe my predicament publicly (I had been silenced, under threat) it was readily apparent that Jeff knew of my former teachers and of what had occurred at their hands. His answer would be one that would freeze this Soul: he indicated there would be a “crucifixion.’

That was the actual description he used.  

It is now glaring clear that the entire non-dual ‘community’ – notably all the currently acting teachers – who did not ask these teachers to own-their-own actions was agreeing with the outright taking of this life…and the lives of (4-generations) my family.

Later the precipitous dynamic took a very dark turn manifesting as the ‘compression years.’

 ⚛️ The ‘Compression Years’…of isolation and deliberate silencing (under a death threat) at the hands of non-dual teachers…in which Adyashanti played a key role: https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/the-compression-years-2013-2015/

This existential isolation and silencing was for the express, and sole, purpose of ensuring the lies of these teachers would never become public knowledge. An arrangement of existential confinement was justifiable to these teachers under this ‘precipitous dynamic.’ This confinement (and existential surveillance and restriction) served the purpose of keeping their deceptions from being known. It also fit in precisely with their spiritual concepts and beliefs that intense suffering would result in freedom. Criminal activity was easily justifiable…in their minds.

The precipitous dynamic of induced suffering is, of course,  nothing new and has been extolled by countless poets and teachers as the method for transcending the more mundane suffering of life as a Human on this planet. This criminal use of suffering would also, be beyond reproach.

In the words of the famous poet, Rumi: “Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

There are countless examples of such ancient teachings which current teachers rest upon to justify the approach of induced suffering.

As we began to see seekers reporting on abuses and controls in the teachings of such teachers as Osho, Mooji, Byron Katie, Marc Gafni etc…we see the use of the very teachings to gaslight and silence the very ones reporting on harm.

Perhaps there is no greater example of this precipitous dynamic than what played out in the Osho space.

David Solomon who was with Osho in Pune and Eastern Oregon and later had a close connection with UG Krishnamurti, talked about Osho’s Rajneeshpuram “experiment to provoke God” in a similar vein:

“I believe (Gurdjieffian) devices were used by him to possibly awaken a few at the expense of the many. About that I’ve been very vocal myself. Real crimes against humanity were committed in an effort to bring about “the New Man.” No bueno.”

As with everything hidden, we are now seeing some of the more sordid aspects of neglect and sexual abuse emerge as the now-grown children who were victims during Rajneeshpuram times are finally speak out.

While I only, ever, attended one talk of Byron Katie I knew of people who had spent significant time with her. I listened, often aghast, at some of her answers and directives to people attending her gatherings. In many of those answers I witnessed a heightened spiritual arrogance combined with a tragic attempt to subvert our Humanity with mind-bending denialism.

Byron Katie’s teaching is a prime example of the cultic type of teaching based on the false notion that suffering is the necessary key.

As she stated, “You are your only hope, because we’re not changing until you do. Our job is to keep coming at you, as hard as we can, with everything that angers, upsets, or repulses you, until you understand. We love you that much, whether you’re aware of it or not.”

Some of the more, crude examples of her directives: “Boundaries are an act of selfishness,” and “Victims are violent people.”

In order for the ‘precipitous dynamic’ of imposed suffering to be ‘successful’ it was necessary that this dynamic be housed within a cultic container of over-arching control.

In the case of SAT…these teachings were housed within a strict cultic eco-system…unknown to most of us. There was a time when I would have never described SAT as a cult. Yet now, with much distance, I see the various glaring components (the following is from an AI overview of cults): a charismatic, authoritarian leader, extreme or unconventional beliefs, strict control over members’ lives, isolation from outside society, manipulation tactics, pressure to devote excessive time and loyalty to the group, and often a lack of tolerance for dissent or critical thinking, all contributing to a dependent and sometimes harmful relationship with the group and its leader. 

These were/are all true.

While many aspects of these teachings are, of course, in accord with unified Truth…and some have awakened (however one defines that for one’s self) the harm to the followers was, in most instances, never accounted for.

⚛️ Ajata and the wide-open-door-to-abuse: https://integrityintruth.com/ajata-and-the-wide-open-door-to-abuse/

I do believe that not only are these ‘methods’ being phased out but, perhaps, we are beginning to see the end of what many felt was the most efficacious route to awakening: that of a living teacher.

Thank you to all the readers following this story…you are so deeply appreciated. ❣️🙏🌷

Images: Crucifixion courtesy Bing Images.

Gratitude Robert Saltzman and John Troy for the “What was I thinking” meme posted on FaceBook.

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The Tyranny of (the) Now…and other Spiritual Concepts

As many of you know, I’ve been reporting on the existential controls that can, and do, exist with non-dual (Neo-Advaita) teachers/teachings.

These controls have a surreptitious way of being masked and hidden especially under the cloak of numerous spiritual concepts.

As the Zen saying goes “Though gold dust is precious, when it gets in the eyes, it obstructs the sight.”

Born out of (the) fading patriarchal non-duality there have been many spiritual concepts that have endured and ensured the silencing of those who have been harmed by certain authoritarian-leaning spiritual groups.

Concepts such as using one’s own discernment derided as ‘judgement’…feeling the forbidden anger at deliberate abuse (sexual or otherwise) and facing the love-and-light crowd…pre-mature forgiveness where there has been zero accountability…and the list goes on….and on.

It is in situations of harm at the hands of teachers, that there is often gaslighting….using the very teachings themselves (especially with regard to stories)… to ensure the truth-of-a-situation never gets told.

However, there are very few spiritual concepts as potent and as radically dogmatic as the ‘tyranny of The Now’ (a perfection of descriptive words attributable to the great poet David Whyte) in silencing those who have an important ‘story-to-tell.’

A brief description of this concept is given by the Poet David Whyte as an introduction to his “Three Sundays” program on this topic: ⚛️ https://youtu.be/t1ajXYacgYQ?si=xXi9c0bHtCKq8TXj

Some stories need to be told…especially stories that reveal abuse at the hands of spiritual teachers.“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ~ Maya Angelou 

There was/is the absolute necessity of telling-the-facts-of-a-story (some describe this with, yet another, spiritual concept of ‘blame’) …a process needed for removing the mantle of victimhood (there are indeed victims)…and of coming into a birthright of genuine authenticity.

I like what David Whyte has to say about this ‘tyranny of the now’ stuff:

“Maturity is the ability to live fully and equally in multiple contexts; most especially, the ability to courageously inhabit the past, the present, and the future all at once; the wisdom that comes from maturity is recognized through a disciplined refusal to choose between or isolate three powerful dynamics shaping human identity: what has already happened, what is happening now and what is about to occur. 

Immaturity is shown by making false choices: living only in the past, or only in the present, or only in the future, or even, living only two out of the three.” ~ David Whyte

  • -Presence is available in an important recounting (most especially of harm and abuse) and healing of the past; 
  • Presence is available in this here-now…and 
  • Presence is necessarily available in the planning-for-a-future.
  • In all 3-timelines Presence is the common denominator…in all time-space(s). And, for Humans, healing in all three is necessary. 

“The victim who is able to articulate the situation of the victim has ceased to be a victim: he or she has become a threat.” ~James Baldwin

In an on-line conversation with spiritual teacher Rita Friedman she responded to the very beginning of my recounting the harm by saying:

“Those caught within this particular out-of-integrity drama, will have reckoning, trust me. ⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/

You may be one of those vehicles for reckoning but if there is you, there are others as well, and that is a strong karmic push that will occur.

Even if you never said a word, it would…and will…occur. But I suspect that it is there so that you can burn off the mantle of victimhood.

You are doing what you are designed to do as part of that burn off.” ~Rita Friedman

And THAT may be precisely why there are so many spiritual concepts around our precious individuation…it’s a potential threat against what is commonly known as ‘patriarchal, radical non-duality.’ 

The following link describes the existential danger of radical non-duality:⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/the-existential-danger-of-radical-non-duality/

Timelines do not wield a stronger power over the Power-of-Presence. Attention is our super-power.

Thank you for reading…Warmly,

Please feel free to contact me should you have anything to share related to this content or any questions: ⚛️ Leslie@integrityintruth.com

(Image: Presence, courtesy Bing Images)

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The Existential Dangers of Pure Dis-Identification…

In a private (taped) session with one of my teachers (Russell Smith) I was told I would “fall through the cracks.”

At the time I had no idea what Russ was referring to. But, now, so much is clear regarding the deceptions, lies, systemic collusion and the over-arching occult (siddi) controls of Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver…hugely aided by Adyashanti, Gangaji, Bentinho and so many others in the non-dual community colluding in what is, undoubtedly, one of the largest (although, certainly, not the only) of existential breaches among so-called teachers of “truth.” 

While non-duality is a Fact-of-The-Universe…there are far too many teachers, who at the moment of an ‘awakening…whether via teachers/Gurus, NDE’s, the breathe or their own innate Presence…see the enormous possibilities of teaching before there has been any thorough integration of such an awakening.

As Nome used to say ‘There’s nothing to integrate.’ 

That said it all. It is precisely from this dis-embodied…completely dis-identified state of Radical Non-duality…that we see the unfortunate prevalence of such breaches as existential harm and, paradoxically, the control-over-the-lives-of-others. 

One of the biggest dangers of teachings of the unreality-of-the-body…ASIDE -from-the-fact that the sacred Body, itself, is the most efficacious portal into the transcendence of such!…is that the body is the Seat of sacred Presence and grounded-ness. Being…untethered from the body… creates a myriad of dualities, some of the most unfortunate showing up in the ungrounded lives and teachings of Neo-Advaita (contemporary non-dual) teachings.

In the words of Ken Wilber:

“Unless you are on a path that includes not only ‘waking up’…but ’growing-up’ AND ‘cleaning-up’…all 3-in-one package…you are going to get f**ked!!

You WILL end up in a bad…bad way because one of these is going to go sour.

That is THE major, unfortunate, path that the majority of people end up taking… and they end up wasting a life.”

Samadhi does not, of course, address (ANY) shadow elements…in some cases it makes it worse as there is pure dis-identification.

No doubt what has occurred in this life is arguably one of more horrific and existentially harmful examples of the harm that can occur when teachers have not done their own internal work.

The systemic deception within the non-dual community: ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/systemic-collusion-in-the…/


Paul Selig’s message that this ‘was not intentional to me’ yet the existential controls were most definitely intentional to me: ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/clarif…/the-move-to-portland/


The role of Adyashanti: ⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/systemic-collusion-in-the…/


Letter to the ASI (The Association of Spiritual ‘Integrity’): ⚛️https://www.dropbox.com/s/hga3c7zpo1v973j/ASI%20Letter%2003%3A06%3A23.pdf?dl=0&e=1&fbclid=IwAR2hNCDCiHgzRQrXqce9WFFH5vgHGHoGlda3PUlGKT2n1qMuoFfoMadMbvs


You are your own healer: ⚛️ https://integrityintruth.com/you-are-your-own-healer/


(Photo image taken with an iPhone X in NW Portland) ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/photo-gallery/

Thank you for following this blog. Your interest is so deeply appreciated. ❣️❧

Please feel free to contact me should you have anything to share related to this content or any questions: ⚛️ Leslie@integrityintruth.com

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The Lying Effect

In just about every layer of society we see the dramatic effects of lying.

This, of course, is not new.

The actual effect-of-lies has been recorded in all arenas and levels of society: personal, political, economic and religious history throughout millennia.

From the devastating lies of the Nazi era, to the very public accounts of Watergate and Bill Clinton’s trysts with Monica Lewinsky, to the deliberately hidden dangers of tobacco smoking and of monetized pharmaceuticals to the so-called sciences and the halls-of-The Vatican.

…and currently, the most famous, on-going deception of the ‘big lie’ of a ‘stolen election’…which could, ultimately be the end of Democracy.

The one arena I would have thought would have been free of such a scourge of deception would have been in the teachings of non-duality…and their teachers and organizations.

I was gravely wrong.

The lies were with regard to how the brothers relayed their relationship with each other and their reasons behind splitting up their teachings. The story painted was one of an animosity…a supposed ‘disdain’ they took all the way to the legal courts in Santa Cruz. They painted quite the picture. If anyone has ever witnessed Nome and Russell in a Satsang this ruse would be evident.

While these deceptions originated with my former teachers Nome and Russell Smith at SAT in Santa Cruz, CA the lies were greatly supported by Candace O’Denver (who was, then forming Great Freedom with Russell Smith) and to Adyashanti and Gangaji …and many in their close circles at Open Gate.

To the best of my ability the ‘purpose’ (if one can say there is a purpose to lying) of these lies was to ‘wake up as many people as possible’ (This was a standard excuse in the non-dual community) and to form what would, then, become the bulk of the non-dual community.

In the roll-out of these lies their falsity was utterly obvious.

If anyone had ever seen Nome and Russell in a Satsang the love between the two is apparent.

Yet…I gave the lies a ‘pass’ as I bought into the notion that it was for the ‘benefit of all.’

“When we presume to lie for the benefit of others, we have decided that we are the best judges of how much they should understand about their own lives—about how they appear, their reputations, or their prospects in the world.”
~Sam Harris, Lying

There came a time when the lies at SAT were so prevalent that, at one Satsang, I wondered how-on-earth these brothers could keep track of all their lies.

In all honesty, and not through an arrogance, I found it hard to understand how everyone was buying into the deceptive narratives that were being espoused by Nome and Russell. I expressed this shock to my friend Karin who would travel from Norway several times a year…who I felt might have been open to hearing of these lies…but she resisted hearing it.

The Guru-can-do-no-harm was, and is, a deeply held spiritual concept.

Ultimately, and solely because of seeing through the lies, I was asked to leave SAT.

This was after 20 years of devoted dedication in which 3-generations of my family were involved.

In order to preserve the ‘integrity’ of the lies  Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, and Adyashanti foisted their own karma on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family…to ensure their lies would never become public knowledge. The absolute protection of these lies was further secured by silencing, under threat, and isolating me. The complicated controls were further bolstered by Nome’s use of siddis (occult powers) which, ultimately, made certain that it would be impossible to report on as the occult is nigh unproveable.

Nome was certainly counting on the complexity of this story, the hidden nature and the air-tight complicity of the non-dual community.

While all of this sounds like the description of a paranoid person (which is understood) the main audience I am addressing are the non-dual teachers who not only partook of this scheme but who, later, were/are involved in the collusion, complicity and, ultimately, the lies.

Those teachers cover a very large swath in the non-dual community.

Those teachers know I’m telling the truth.

The following is a letter to the ‘Association for Spiritual Integrity’ (ASI) who were also part of covering for this web of deception…basically a smokescreen for accountability: https://www.dropbox.com/s/hga3c7zpo1v973j/ASI%20Letter%2003%3A06%3A23.pdf?dl=0

The dramatic effects of those lies?

In the prophetic words of Aile Shebar what occurred in this life was akin to being ‘buried alive.’

That is an accurate description.

The internal threat at being silenced shook my entire system to the core after which I could only communicate via emojis for several years following that existential shock. The taking of one’s voice, the use of over-speak when speaking with those who are actively covering for these teachers, and the dark methods for control…were only part of the very real taking-of-a-life.

Another accurate description was that of a ‘Soul murder.’

The following movies accurately depict the actual feeling of what it was like to be silenced, under deep internal threat, for a decade: Diving Bell and the Butterfly, The Lives of Others and Ondine.

Because the potential of this voice could cause harm to several multi-million-dollar organizations and teachers, the threat to silence me, of necessity, had to be significant.

Effectively this life was taken…

While this example of the effect…and spread…of lies is truly extreme it is, none-the-less, accurate as to the utter devastation caused by lying.

Thank you for witnessing a return to my voice…❦

Warmly, -Leslie ❣️

Please feel free to contact me should you have anything to share related to this content or any questions: ⚛️ Leslie@integrityintruth.com

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The Mistake of Equating Non-duality with Spirituality

For the past 30+ years I made the common mistake of many spiritual seekers: that of equating non-duality with awakening…and spirituality, in general.

That misconception, alone…greatly hindered me from even beginning to report on the existential harm that had occurred at the hands of non-dual teachers.

That misconception, alone…prevented me from accessing my own direct line to God, Source, Spirit. Accessing my own direct line, was critical, to gain the Guidance I needed as I found myself under existential control due to being the inadvertent ‘holder’ for the lies of non-dual teachers…teachers who were intent on protecting their brand at all costs…including the existential control over the lives of others.

While non-duality is a scientific fact it is not the sum-total of Spirituality.

Equating non-duality with Spirituality ensured that I would place all those who had ‘awakened to the non-dual truth’ as, somehow, authorities in the spiritual world. Their support in the, then, air-tight non-dual community on social media indicated I was ‘valued’ if I would remain supplicant to being silenced (under threat) and isolated. There was the dangerous, and false, notion that one can awaken to non-duality while being so heavily controlled. The karma of those teachers was quite literally…and deliberately…foisted on these shoulders to ensure the lies of my former teachers would never become public knowledge. (Adyashanti indicated to non-dual teacher, Susanne Marie, that I ought to be able to ‘awaken’ while continuing to hold the deceptions of those teachers.)

It was, by far, the vast majority of those that I knew to be ‘awake to non-duality’ who actually lied directly to me regarding their knowledge of my former teachers and of what occurred at their hands. The deceptions formed what Matt Licata described as a ‘cosmic betrayal.’ That description by Matt accurately indicated the vast scope of deception found in the non-dual space.

To this day Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver and Adyashanti have not owned their own lies surrounding the structuring of SAT, Great Freedom/Balanced View and Open Gate. Instead, they have structured a community of ‘truth’ bolstered and protected by SAND, BatGap, ASI etc…and have foisted the burden of their lies on these shoulders.

There is an extreme disconnect, on the Human level, that comes with defining ‘awakening’ solely as being ‘awake’ to non-duality.  We’ve all seen that one can be awake to Wholeness and yet that, in no way, means one is free from shadow or is somehow a balanced and decent Human. One can be awake to Oneness and still be creating delusions and, worse yet, harming others in the process.

I am arguably my own, most extreme, example of the harm that can occur at the hands of those ‘awake’ (solely) to non-duality. The example of my life was described by Aile Shebar as akin to being “buried alive.” That…is an accurate description.

Under the extreme duress of having been silenced, under threat, and isolated, I began…after much initial resistance which had been programmed by Nome…to look into various ‘new age’ modalities to help dig-out from under such a controlling quagmire. I became firm in my resolve that I would use anything that would help.

Additionally…especially in response to the very real stalking via siddis (occult powers)…I amassed what I refer to as my Spirit Family. This ‘Spirit Family’ was comprised of eleven (11) Beings consisting of Arch-Angels, Creator Beings, The Christ and Mary and several other Spiritual heavy-weights of historical significance who were special to me on my path.

More particularly, since my move to Portland, OR…when this siddhic (occult) pushback greatly intensified, primarily as existential intimidation…I began a daily practice of clearing my ‘auric field’ of shadow that was not natively my own. If I had one piece of advice…it would be to clear your aura daily.

⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/coffee-lane-and-the-two-years-prior-to-moving-to-portland-december-2015-july-2018-%e2%9c%be/

⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/the-move-to-portland/

Out of desperation…and feeling woefully inadequate to deal with high-level siddhis aimed directly at me for malevolent purposes (siddhis can, literally, do anything)… I prayed to the entirety of my Guides daily. I made a practice of addressing-them-by-name as it was/is my feeling that being very specific to who you are praying to is far more efficacious than addressing The Universe at large!

This dynamic was a process that unfolded over time…with a learning and listening-curve. Bit-by-bit the answers would come. The Guidance was, most typically, felt in the form ‘download.’ This ‘download’ would come in the form of a tapestry-of-information, incoming, all-at-once.

The gist of that ‘information’ was deeply Supportive…to continue on with what I was doing.

As with any learning curve outside our 3D reality it’s the remembering…and trusting…of the messages that is the trickiest. Over time the messages…and Messengers… became clear enough. The Support felt real enough.

The Guidance was clear: to finally name-the-names of the teachers involved and then, later, the many who were complicit in covering for their actions.

I was being encouraged by Spirit to report on those who I had, at one time, considered to be the ‘highest.’

If Spirit was encouraging me to speak-out about harm at the hands of non-dual teachers…then what did THAT say about the state of ‘awakening’ of all those I was reporting on?!?

Warmly, ~Leslie ❣️

Please feel free to contact me should you have anything to share related to this content or any questions: ⚛️ Leslie@IntegrityInTruth.com

Aso on Substack… https://leslieread.substack.com/

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THE DOGMA OF PATRIARCHAL CONTROL

Controlled suppression of the ego. (Siva image first found on Jeannie Zandi’s Website.)

The following is, in part, from a ‘private’ FaceBook messenger thread where I’ve been relaying what occurred in this life at the hands of certain spiritual teachers:

Patriarchal spiritual traditions have a history of teachers manipulating families of seekers in order to achieve certain spiritual goals.

In addition to manipulating families for certain spiritual outcomes, there have been teachers who have attempted to ‘influence’ seekers by indicating certain romantic outcomes.

I’ve long described Nome as the ‘Cosmic Cupid’ as he would, quite literally, pluck people out-of-nowhere and pair them up with people in the sangha at SAT.

It was his version of the ‘arranged marriage’…so to speak.

This might even entail the breaking up of marriages that had been together 20–30 years…as long as he achieved the goals he needed and wanted.

“Yes, many teachers have done exactly that: they have split families up and/or longtime connections and marriages. This is one of their techniques of subjugation. To control the emotional and sentimental lives of their followers is one of the tools to keep people in trance.  I have seen happening in my own cult: the leaders separate friends and family members to deeper control their subjects. It is revolting and cruel…
Unfortunately, in the so-called spiritual world amends have not been made and this has damaged many souls.”

– Maria Grazia Mori-Oakley…Prior Osho Community member – Pune

Everyone who has said: ‘change will never happen’…the ‘occult will never be able to be proven’….“How’s that working out for ya?!” (Rick Archer)… all those who have denied knowing my former teachers as well as the many, within the non-dual community who have been actively covering for my former teachers…acting in complicity and collusion…each-and-every single-one-one-of-them knows I’m telling the truth!

Yet, ultimately, I feel truth rises and there will be justice. We are seeing the last stranglehold of those aspects of patriarchy that are out-of-sinc with the new energies of our Humanity: justice, integrity and fairness.

What we are moving into is simply no longer a match with the out-of-balance energy frequency of patriarchal structures that give no credence to the Just…call it God, Source, Spirit or what you will.

Solely realizing Wholeness is no longer the singular mark of an evolved Soul. That has been made abundantly evident.

The statement “How’s that working for ya?” (Rick Archer) was made after listening to an outline of the occult controls over 4-generations of this life. His statement was indicative of the pervasive sentiment….not only of himself but of many currently acting teachers and those in leadership positions of organizations (such as SAND, ASI and his own BatGap)…all of whom have known of the harm in this life…and have remained silent. That silence of so many in leadership within the non-dual community indicated that I would have no choice but to simply accept the harm and control of these teachers. These were all people who knew of the harm…and said nothing.

In some cases the very teachings were used to gaslight the one reporting on the harm.

Rick Archer happens to be one of the more ardent…and public…supporters of Adya and the Adya ‘brand.’ https://integrityintruth.com/bentinho-and-the-adya-connection/

Yes…occult controls are nearly impossible to prove.

Anyone with any understanding that siddis (occult powers) can do anything would know that.

Yet…with the addition of naming-names and providing photos of people directly involved in collusion to cover-up harm — ALL on a public website…this story could not have been ‘made-up,’ as some have alluded to.

Furthermore, it was more-than-evident who was protecting the brand of Adyashanti.

From 2012 I knew of Adya’s involvement in covering for his friends: Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver.

Over this past decade it became clearer-yet that Adya was the major player in ensuring the harm at the hands of those teachers would never become public knowledge.

There were many who met with me and emphatically expressed that Adya did not even know of Nome!

Ellen Davis was one who came within a hairsbreadth of gaslighting me by indicating I was reporting on this for money. Even she must’ve realized that would be going too far.

Adya was, clearly, not the only teacher covering for his friends…yet he was/is the main one. Of all the currently acting teachers protecting my former teachers…Adyashanti is the one who has the most ‘skin’ in the non-dual game.

If I could describe the look Adya gave me as he was indicating that I should return to SAT a decade ago….one word comes to mind: arrogance.

That look indicated what I was ‘up against.’ His look indicated that there would be no way for me to overcome such ‘power’ and control.

I am not interested in power…or in the overcoming of such.

What I am interested in…and what I am reporting on…is pulling-back-the-veil involving unintegrated teachers and their deliberate control-over-others.

That deliberate control-over-others is variously known as patriarchy which, of course, is not gender-specific.

There are quite a number of current female teachers actively carrying that patriarchal shadow. Those female teachers still operating within the patriarchal paradigm are fully willing to cover for harm at the hands of their male counterparts…especially as seen with the submission and existential quashing of the Human ego. (The header image for this post…of Siva’s foot on the head of the ego…was first seen on Jeannie Zandie’s website.) https://integrityintruth.com/bentinho-and-the-adya-connection/

(Humans need a ‘healthy ego.’ It could be argued that, for some, the expedient path of Freedom is not the denial of an ego but, rather, the building up of the ego. This is subject for another post.)

“I have witnessed the worst side of patriarchy in the Osho cult where some of the women were involved in prostitution for the “master” and in turn were telling the, younger ones how to do it so that they could contribute monetarily to the commune and his extravagant, luxurious life-style.“

– Maria Grazia Mori-Oakley

Historically, women veered away from any sense of ‘right sisterhood’ to where women felt they were more valued (and safe) if they acted in certain ways according to the patriarchal paradigm.

This affected everything from competition with each other for men, status and ultimately their own survival…and often, and sadly, against each other.

That type of control…which was out-of-control in the Osho community will be (and more-and-more is) undermined as we each discover our own authentic connection to Truth, Spirit and the Divine.

The necessity to prove, compete, manipulate, toe-the-line or do any kind of harm to others will dissipate. At SAT this was displayed by the subtle moves by Nome/Russ playing women against each other. In fact, I remember Nome  saying out-loud “Jealousy is good!”

That same dynamic is carried on with Bentinho…

The patriarchal imbalance…resulting in a type of False sisterhood…remains as long as there is any kind of channel seen to be more worthy than our own innately sourced connection to The Divine.

With our own, independent, connection to The Divine the patriarchy in spirituality will be wholly undermined.

Gratitude Kate Macnamara