THE Precipitous Dynamic…of imposed suffering, control, subservience and constriction as mechanisms to ‘trigger’ awakening

This post will discuss a bit of the common use, in non-dual teachings, of imposed suffering as the primary mechanism to trigger an awakening and the notion that, as an individual, you have no inherent worth as a Human Being.

The early days at SAT (The Society of Abidance in Truth) were primarily devotional…for all of us. We were led to believe that Nome was, then-and-forever, a Sanyasi. When he changed his mind and decided to enter into a relationship many of us who were deeply devoted, myself included, suffered immensely. I’ve never been a jealous person…and Nome has acknowledged this publicly even saying, somewhat exasperated,

 in Satsang “Ok…so you’re not the jealous type!” (The pitting of women-against-women is a classic, unfortunate component of patriarchal authoritarian structures.) I suffered the physical symptoms of what medicine, now, correctly calls a ‘broken heart’ manifesting as a dangerous ventricular arrhythmia. The physical symptoms of this precipitous dynamic resulted not only in a heart arrhythmia but, later, as a dangerously sustained ultra-high-blood pressure from the stress of being forced (under threat) to hold the lies belonging to those teachers. Karma that was deliberately foisted on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family, while we were deliberately separated to ensure those deceptions would never become public knowledge.

In a taped private session Russell Smith told me that I had suffered more than most at SAT…and this was before what would, later, occur at their hands.

Russell’s words should have been the critical, advanced warning.

About a decade+ into intense practice at SAT…and coming fresh off a retreat…I was going down-the-stairs to the basement dungeon where I packaged up the SAT book orders. I was beyond worried with how-on-earth I was going to do all the tasks that kept piling up.

I was SO worried by the time I got down the stairs that I truly felt I would have a heart attack.

Right then-and-there, I concentrated on the task in front of me. Instantly I expanded out as pure Space and became omni-present. I was the rock outside-the-door next to my desk…etc.

In that very moment, Nome called the bookstore desk-phone and said “See? That wasn’t so hard!”

During my time in the basement my desk was located in the hallway next to several of the rooms that SAT rented out to ensure the solvency of the temple. I used to be the person in charge of those rentals as it was my idea to rent out the unused spaces on the property in order to ‘save the temple.’ After my stint renting out rooms that service was given to another member. One day a man walked out of his room and, going by me, deliberately brushed-up against me in the hallway where I worked. As an empath who is deeply sensitive to energies, every-fiber-of-my-being went on red-alert. I ran upstairs, grabbed Bob Haber who was in the kitchen and pulled him into the bookstore and locking the door behind us. I was too shaken to even speak. Bob had to call Siva-Loka (the name for the sage’s residence) to have Russell try and calm me down.

That man in the basement was later convicted of murder in Oregon!!

When I asked HOW and WHY someone would possibly rent to such a person I was told by Aya Oden it was because “He was wearing white!!” 🤦‍

I would no longer work in the books as long as that tenant was there. Nome, knowing of my trust in him, decided to use this precipitous dynamic of intense fear as sadhana and convinced me to stay in my job…even while that, later convicted and imprisoned, man was still there!

Shortly thereafter the teachings shifted from devotional practices to self-inquiry and the, supposed, split between the teachings of Nome and Russell took place.

In my own practice a lot of Wisdom flowed on that devotion. Just as it had when I was a young girl who came in to this life devoted to The Christ. In early grammar school it was through that devotion, and an unwavering deep trust from prior lifetimes, that I would experience bliss states and, what is now referred to, as ‘flow.’

Inquiry was never my practice.

Because I had seen too much regarding the deceptions of Nome and Russ, I was finally asked to leave by Jim Clark.

Approximately a year after leaving Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver (along with others in the non-dual community notably Adyashanti, Gangaji, Jeannie Zandi etc.) made the decision to place the entirety of the karma for their lies and deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family.

In one of my earlier attempts at obtaining ‘help’ from a teacher, I attended a rare talk in the Santa Cruz area given by Jeff Foster. While I could not describe my predicament publicly (I had been silenced, under threat) it was readily apparent that Jeff knew of my former teachers and of what had occurred at their hands. His answer would be one that would freeze this Soul: he indicated there would be a “crucifixion.’

That was the actual description he used.  

It is now glaring clear that the entire non-dual ‘community’ – notably all the currently acting teachers – who did not ask these teachers to own-their-own actions was agreeing with the outright taking of this life…and the lives of (4-generations) my family.

Later the precipitous dynamic took a very dark turn manifesting as the ‘compression years.’

 ⚛️ The ‘Compression Years’…of isolation and deliberate silencing (under a death threat) at the hands of non-dual teachers…in which Adyashanti played a key role: https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/the-compression-years-2013-2015/

This existential isolation and silencing was for the express, and sole, purpose of ensuring the lies of these teachers would never become public knowledge. An arrangement of existential confinement was justifiable to these teachers under this ‘precipitous dynamic.’ This confinement (and existential surveillance and restriction) served the purpose of keeping their deceptions from being known. It also fit in precisely with their spiritual concepts and beliefs that intense suffering would result in freedom. Criminal activity was easily justifiable…in their minds.

The precipitous dynamic of induced suffering is, of course,  nothing new and has been extolled by countless poets and teachers as the method for transcending the more mundane suffering of life as a Human on this planet. This criminal use of suffering would also, be beyond reproach.

In the words of the famous poet, Rumi: “Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

There are countless examples of such ancient teachings which current teachers rest upon to justify the approach of induced suffering.

As we began to see seekers reporting on abuses and controls in the teachings of such teachers as Osho, Mooji, Byron Katie, Marc Gafni etc…we see the use of the very teachings to gaslight and silence the very ones reporting on harm.

Perhaps there is no greater example of this precipitous dynamic than what played out in the Osho space.

David Solomon who was with Osho in Pune and Eastern Oregon and later had a close connection with UG Krishnamurti, talked about Osho’s Rajneeshpuram “experiment to provoke God” in a similar vein:

“I believe (Gurdjieffian) devices were used by him to possibly awaken a few at the expense of the many. About that I’ve been very vocal myself. Real crimes against humanity were committed in an effort to bring about “the New Man.” No bueno.”

As with everything hidden, we are now seeing some of the more sordid aspects of neglect and sexual abuse emerge as the now-grown children who were victims during Rajneeshpuram times are finally speak out.

While I only, ever, attended one talk of Byron Katie I knew of people who had spent significant time with her. I listened, often aghast, at some of her answers and directives to people attending her gatherings. In many of those answers I witnessed a heightened spiritual arrogance combined with a tragic attempt to subvert our Humanity with mind-bending denialism.

Byron Katie’s teaching is a prime example of the cultic type of teaching based on the false notion that suffering is the necessary key.

As she stated, “You are your only hope, because we’re not changing until you do. Our job is to keep coming at you, as hard as we can, with everything that angers, upsets, or repulses you, until you understand. We love you that much, whether you’re aware of it or not.”

Some of the more, crude examples of her directives: “Boundaries are an act of selfishness,” and “Victims are violent people.”

In order for the ‘precipitous dynamic’ of imposed suffering to be ‘successful’ it was necessary that this dynamic be housed within a cultic container of over-arching control.

In the case of SAT…these teachings were housed within a strict cultic eco-system…unknown to most of us. There was a time when I would have never described SAT as a cult. Yet now, with much distance, I see the various glaring components (the following is from an AI overview of cults): a charismatic, authoritarian leader, extreme or unconventional beliefs, strict control over members’ lives, isolation from outside society, manipulation tactics, pressure to devote excessive time and loyalty to the group, and often a lack of tolerance for dissent or critical thinking, all contributing to a dependent and sometimes harmful relationship with the group and its leader. 

These were/are all true.

While many aspects of these teachings are, of course, in accord with unified Truth…and some have awakened (however one defines that for one’s self) the harm to the followers was, in most instances, never accounted for.

⚛️ Ajata and the wide-open-door-to-abuse: https://integrityintruth.com/ajata-and-the-wide-open-door-to-abuse/

I do believe that not only are these ‘methods’ being phased out but, perhaps, we are beginning to see the end of what many felt was the most efficacious route to awakening: that of a living teacher.

Thank you to all the readers following this story…you are so deeply appreciated. ❣️🙏🌷

Images: Crucifixion courtesy Bing Images.

Gratitude Robert Saltzman and John Troy for the “What was I thinking” meme posted on FaceBook.

The Lying Effect

In just about every layer of society we see the dramatic effects of lying.

This, of course, is not new.

The actual effect-of-lies has been recorded in all arenas and levels of society: personal, political, economic and religious history throughout millennia.

From the devastating lies of the Nazi era, to the very public accounts of Watergate and Bill Clinton’s trysts with Monica Lewinsky, to the deliberately hidden dangers of tobacco smoking and of monetized pharmaceuticals to the so-called sciences and the halls-of-The Vatican.

…and currently, the most famous, on-going deception of the ‘big lie’ of a ‘stolen election’…which could, ultimately be the end of Democracy.

The one arena I would have thought would have been free of such a scourge of deception would have been in the teachings of non-duality…and their teachers and organizations.

I was gravely wrong.

The lies were with regard to how the brothers relayed their relationship with each other and their reasons behind splitting up their teachings. The story painted was one of an animosity…a supposed ‘disdain’ they took all the way to the legal courts in Santa Cruz. They painted quite the picture. If anyone has ever witnessed Nome and Russell in a Satsang this ruse would be evident.

While these deceptions originated with my former teachers Nome and Russell Smith at SAT in Santa Cruz, CA the lies were greatly supported by Candace O’Denver (who was, then forming Great Freedom with Russell Smith) and to Adyashanti and Gangaji …and many in their close circles at Open Gate.

To the best of my ability the ‘purpose’ (if one can say there is a purpose to lying) of these lies was to ‘wake up as many people as possible’ (This was a standard excuse in the non-dual community) and to form what would, then, become the bulk of the non-dual community.

In the roll-out of these lies their falsity was utterly obvious.

If anyone had ever seen Nome and Russell in a Satsang the love between the two is apparent.

Yet…I gave the lies a ‘pass’ as I bought into the notion that it was for the ‘benefit of all.’

“When we presume to lie for the benefit of others, we have decided that we are the best judges of how much they should understand about their own lives—about how they appear, their reputations, or their prospects in the world.”
~Sam Harris, Lying

There came a time when the lies at SAT were so prevalent that, at one Satsang, I wondered how-on-earth these brothers could keep track of all their lies.

In all honesty, and not through an arrogance, I found it hard to understand how everyone was buying into the deceptive narratives that were being espoused by Nome and Russell. I expressed this shock to my friend Karin who would travel from Norway several times a year…who I felt might have been open to hearing of these lies…but she resisted hearing it.

The Guru-can-do-no-harm was, and is, a deeply held spiritual concept.

Ultimately, and solely because of seeing through the lies, I was asked to leave SAT.

This was after 20 years of devoted dedication in which 3-generations of my family were involved.

In order to preserve the ‘integrity’ of the lies  Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, and Adyashanti foisted their own karma on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family…to ensure their lies would never become public knowledge. The absolute protection of these lies was further secured by silencing, under threat, and isolating me. The complicated controls were further bolstered by Nome’s use of siddis (occult powers) which, ultimately, made certain that it would be impossible to report on as the occult is nigh unproveable.

Nome was certainly counting on the complexity of this story, the hidden nature and the air-tight complicity of the non-dual community.

While all of this sounds like the description of a paranoid person (which is understood) the main audience I am addressing are the non-dual teachers who not only partook of this scheme but who, later, were/are involved in the collusion, complicity and, ultimately, the lies.

Those teachers cover a very large swath in the non-dual community.

Those teachers know I’m telling the truth.

The following is a letter to the ‘Association for Spiritual Integrity’ (ASI) who were also part of covering for this web of deception…basically a smokescreen for accountability: https://www.dropbox.com/s/hga3c7zpo1v973j/ASI%20Letter%2003%3A06%3A23.pdf?dl=0

The dramatic effects of those lies?

In the prophetic words of Aile Shebar what occurred in this life was akin to being ‘buried alive.’

That is an accurate description.

The internal threat at being silenced shook my entire system to the core after which I could only communicate via emojis for several years following that existential shock. The taking of one’s voice, the use of over-speak when speaking with those who are actively covering for these teachers, and the dark methods for control…were only part of the very real taking-of-a-life.

Another accurate description was that of a ‘Soul murder.’

The following movies accurately depict the actual feeling of what it was like to be silenced, under deep internal threat, for a decade: Diving Bell and the Butterfly, The Lives of Others and Ondine.

Because the potential of this voice could cause harm to several multi-million-dollar organizations and teachers, the threat to silence me, of necessity, had to be significant.

Effectively this life was taken…

While this example of the effect…and spread…of lies is truly extreme it is, none-the-less, accurate as to the utter devastation caused by lying.

Thank you for witnessing a return to my voice…❦

Warmly, -Leslie ❣️

Please feel free to contact me should you have anything to share related to this content or any questions: ⚛️ Leslie@integrityintruth.com

The Mistake of Equating Non-duality with Spirituality

For the past 30+ years I made the common mistake of many spiritual seekers: that of equating non-duality with awakening…and spirituality, in general.

That misconception, alone…greatly hindered me from even beginning to report on the existential harm that had occurred at the hands of non-dual teachers.

That misconception, alone…prevented me from accessing my own direct line to God, Source, Spirit. Accessing my own direct line, was critical, to gain the Guidance I needed as I found myself under existential control due to being the inadvertent ‘holder’ for the lies of non-dual teachers…teachers who were intent on protecting their brand at all costs…including the existential control over the lives of others.

While non-duality is a scientific fact it is not the sum-total of Spirituality.

Equating non-duality with Spirituality ensured that I would place all those who had ‘awakened to the non-dual truth’ as, somehow, authorities in the spiritual world. Their support in the, then, air-tight non-dual community on social media indicated I was ‘valued’ if I would remain supplicant to being silenced (under threat) and isolated. There was the dangerous, and false, notion that one can awaken to non-duality while being so heavily controlled. The karma of those teachers was quite literally…and deliberately…foisted on these shoulders to ensure the lies of my former teachers would never become public knowledge. (Adyashanti indicated to non-dual teacher, Susanne Marie, that I ought to be able to ‘awaken’ while continuing to hold the deceptions of those teachers.)

It was, by far, the vast majority of those that I knew to be ‘awake to non-duality’ who actually lied directly to me regarding their knowledge of my former teachers and of what occurred at their hands. The deceptions formed what Matt Licata described as a ‘cosmic betrayal.’ That description by Matt accurately indicated the vast scope of deception found in the non-dual space.

To this day Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver and Adyashanti have not owned their own lies surrounding the structuring of SAT, Great Freedom/Balanced View and Open Gate. Instead, they have structured a community of ‘truth’ bolstered and protected by SAND, BatGap, ASI etc…and have foisted the burden of their lies on these shoulders.

There is an extreme disconnect, on the Human level, that comes with defining ‘awakening’ solely as being ‘awake’ to non-duality.  We’ve all seen that one can be awake to Wholeness and yet that, in no way, means one is free from shadow or is somehow a balanced and decent Human. One can be awake to Oneness and still be creating delusions and, worse yet, harming others in the process.

I am arguably my own, most extreme, example of the harm that can occur at the hands of those ‘awake’ (solely) to non-duality. The example of my life was described by Aile Shebar as akin to being “buried alive.” That…is an accurate description.

Under the extreme duress of having been silenced, under threat, and isolated, I began…after much initial resistance which had been programmed by Nome…to look into various ‘new age’ modalities to help dig-out from under such a controlling quagmire. I became firm in my resolve that I would use anything that would help.

Additionally…especially in response to the very real stalking via siddis (occult powers)…I amassed what I refer to as my Spirit Family. This ‘Spirit Family’ was comprised of eleven (11) Beings consisting of Arch-Angels, Creator Beings, The Christ and Mary and several other Spiritual heavy-weights of historical significance who were special to me on my path.

More particularly, since my move to Portland, OR…when this siddhic (occult) pushback greatly intensified, primarily as existential intimidation…I began a daily practice of clearing my ‘auric field’ of shadow that was not natively my own. If I had one piece of advice…it would be to clear your aura daily.

⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/coffee-lane-and-the-two-years-prior-to-moving-to-portland-december-2015-july-2018-%e2%9c%be/

⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/the-move-to-portland/

Out of desperation…and feeling woefully inadequate to deal with high-level siddhis aimed directly at me for malevolent purposes (siddhis can, literally, do anything) I prayed to the entirety of my Guides daily. I made a practice of addressing-them-by-name as it was/is my feeling that being very specific to who you are praying to is far more efficacious than addressing The Universe at large!

This dynamic was a process that unfolded over time…with a learning and listening-curve. Bit-by-bit the answers would come. The Guidance was, most typically, felt in the form ‘download.’ This ‘download’ would come in the form of a tapestry-of-information, incoming, all-at-once.

The gist of that ‘information’ was deeply Supportive…to continue on with what I was doing.

As with any learning curve outside our 3D reality it’s the remembering…and trusting…of the messages that is the trickiest. Over time the messages…and Messengers… became clear enough. The Support felt real enough.

The Guidance was clear: to finally name-the-names of the teachers involved and then, later, the many who were complicit in covering for their actions.

I was being encouraged by Spirit to report on those who I had, at one time, considered to be the ‘highest.’

If Spirit was encouraging me to speak-out about harm at the hands of non-dual teachers…then what did THAT say about the state of ‘awakening’ of all those I was reporting on?!?

Warmly, ~Leslie ❣️

Please feel free to contact me should you have anything to share related to this content or any questions: ⚛️ Leslie@IntegrityInTruth.com

Aso on Substack… https://leslieread.substack.com/

Cover-for-Harm in the Non-Dual Field

Adyashanti, the ASI (Association of Spiritual ‘Integrity’) and their Collusion to cover for the Existential Controls of Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver…

Adyashanti and Mukti’s ‘Open Gate’

On March 2, 2023  (Admin of) the FaceBook Association for Spiritual Integrity (ASI) Discussion Group posted:

“We are excited to let you all know that the Association for Spiritual Integrity has been invited to present at the Harvard Divinity School Conference….Jac O’Keeffe, Philip Goldberg, and Rick Archer will be leading an interactive workshop on “Lessons from a Young Organization Making a Difference,” about the work of the ASI.”

“Making a difference?!?” Given the hypocrisy of the ASI’s attendance to Harvard Divinity School Conference I wrote the following:

Is this the same Rick Archer and Jac O’Keeffe who I addressed the following letter (dropbox link below) to?

ASI LETTER (Assoc. for Spiritual ’Integrity’) 03/06/2023 ⚛️https://www.dropbox.com/s/hga3c7zpo1v973j/ASI%20Letter%2003%3A06%3A23.pdf?dl=0&e=1&fbclid=IwAR2hNCDCiHgzRQrXqce9WFFH5vgHGHoGlda3PUlGKT2n1qMuoFfoMadMbvs

Instead of saying “How can we help?”…I was told Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver (who goes by too numerous aliases to mention) that they were NOT members of the ASI, and therefore the ASI could NOT help me.

Jac O’Keeffe and Lauren Medeiros met with me on Zoom for 30 minutes concluding ONLY that contemporary non-duality is the ‘wild west’ and…

…Rick Archer who, on a private messenger thread with @ 50 others, chided my reporting…and the voice recording at the end of the above letter describing the deliberate existential controls affecting 4-generations of my family…defiantly asked me “How’s that going for ya?” (in reference to my reporting).

This case involving 4-generations of my family is arguably one of the most existentially damaging to a life/lives…not to mention to the integrity of the teachers/teachings.

Are these the SAME PEOPLE who are going to the Harvard Divinity School??

How about a live…and OPEN…meeting with one of the more significant and influential teachers who absolutely participated in the existential controls of Nome/Russ/Candice?

Namely:  ADYASHANTI?

Adya could look me straight-in-my-eyes and tell me, unequivocally, that not only does he know nothing of Nome but he, himself, didn’t have his OWN HANDS directly involved in the ‘Compression Years.’

How about that??


Jeannie Zandi, Bentinho and the Adyashanti connection that drew in many connected with them…⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/bentinho-and-the-adya-connection/


Adyashanti…the major large-name non-dual teacher covering for Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver…⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/the-primary-collusive-support-of-adyashanti/


Gangaji and her support of Nome and of my continuance in being forced  hold their lies… ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/gangaji-and-her-support-of-the-deceptions/


The ‘Compression Years’…of isolation and deliberate silencing (under threat) at the hands of non-dual teachers…in which Adyashanti played a key role: ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/the-compression-years-2013-2015/


The Dogma of Patriarchal Control & Occult Manipulation:  ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/the-dogma-of-patriarchal-control/

Truth & Integrity contain non-duality but non-duality, most definitely, does not guarantee truth nor integrity.

Warmly, ~Leslie Read


Thank you 🌷❣️…Please feel free to contact me should you have anything to share related to this content or any questions: ⚛️ Leslie@IntegrityInTruth.com

P.S.…As of March 24, 2023 the above message was removed by an admin on the FaceBook ASI Community page

Embodied Integration is the Birthplace of Integrity

“What we do to one, we do to the entire Web of Life.” ~Chief Seattle
(Chief of the Duwamish and Suquamish tribes)

What is integration? 

For those who say “I’m not the doer” and “nothing ever happens”…integration, paradoxically, means to ‘own your actions.’

Owning one’s actions is the beginning of on-going integration…and integrity. Without integrity (any) awakening is meaningless.

Four years-ago I began reporting on the lies I had been forced (under threat) to hold for non-dual teachers: Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver (who goes by a variety of aliases).

What were the lies?

The lies were in regard to the ‘supposed split’ of the teachings of the brothers Nome and Russell Smith and their formative connection with Candace O’Denver’s Great Freedom/Balanced View.

The supposed split (of the brothers) was a ruse.

When I returned to SAT (after being asked to leave ‘The Way of Sudden Awakening’) upon entering the SAT Satsang Hall there was Russell sitting on the dias next to Nome, looking sheepishly at me as I entered the hall. After that Sunday, Russell left and did not return during the remainder of my stay at SAT.

The deceptions of the purported animosity between the brothers…in order to convincingly ‘paint the picture’…was a deliberate ruse that was even taken into the Santa Cruz County court system.

These lies occurred in tandem with the coupling/marriage of teachers (primarily Nome and Sasvati, aka Judy Gilden) and their own projected fear that jealousy may ensue.

I (and by relation, my family) became the inadvertent ‘holder’ for the deceptive secrets of these teachers.

Because of that those teachers felt compelled to completely tear this life apart for the sole purpose of ensuring that their lies would never become public knowledge.

I (and by relation, my family) became the inadvertent ‘holder’ for their deceptive secrets. Because of that those teachers felt compelled to completely tear this life apart for the air-tight purpose of ensuring that their lies would never become public knowledge. So…I am forced (under threat) to hold the lies belonging solely to these teachers and for an un-embodied teaching I do not even believe in! Yes, non-duality is a ‘truth’ but without integrity it is (also) moot.

The systemic cover for these teachers/situation… occurring over this past decade+…includes many in ‘leadership’ and teaching roles in the ND spiritual community. This includes several far-reaching non-dual organizations such as SAND, BatGap and ASI.

Matt Licata succinctly described this situation as a ‘cosmic betrayal.’

It has not only been a process of my own unfolding and understanding but of a growing revelation as to the extent of complicity and collusion in what has become known as the “non-dual” community.

The dark underpinnings of control, corruption and collusion as they exist in the non-dual space are clearly evident as they played out in this complex dynamic, involving un-provable siddis (occult powers), that is, unless one uses names and photos painting a clear narrative that would be nigh impossible to fabricate.

As a loyal and devoted seeker I was the recipient of (way) more than my fair share of the ‘beneficial’ aspect of occult powers.

Having been the one who “fell between the cracks” (exact words of Russell Smith in a taped session) the burden for the lies of those teachers fell squarely…and solely…on these shoulders…and hence the literal waterfall of psychic control to ensure their lies would never become public knowledge.

Whether beneficial OR malevolent: both aspects of occult control look to remove the inherent sovereignty that is each-of-our birthright.

Portending that level of control were Nome’s own words from the early years:

“Just look at who it is you’re up against.”

Those words, alone, demonstrated Nome’s dedication to power over others.

It is no wonder there was such extreme existential control over this life.

The most notable alliance to Nome, et al, in the suppression of this story was/is the key support of Adyashanti (and the many involved in Open Gate) during the entire time. https://integrityintruth.com/bentinho-and-the-adya-connection/

It becomes my duty…if not Soul Mission…to bring light to this type of occult control and existential manipulation.

Unfortunately, I feel uniquely qualified to disclose where there has been…and continues to be…harm existing under the shroud of spiritual control.

 Fortunately, this marks the end of a karmic SoulCycle of having been silenced at the hands of spiritual teachers for being the holder of deceptive secrets.

This may not have been something I would have chosen.

There are times when Life chooses us for a particular job.

For this devotee to be speaking out so publicly the actions of the above-mentioned teachers would have had to be so extremely violative on the existential level.

Owning one’s actions is the beginning of on-going integration…and integrity.

Thank you for your interest in this story.

Feel free to e-mail me with any questions at: Leslie@IntegrityInTruth.com

An apt quote by Jeff Brown, author of numerous books including “Grounded Spirituality.”

The Colluding Role of Adyashanti and Open-Gate

A Deep Burn in what (only) appears to be Truth

The following was in conversation with a FB friend and currently acting teacher regarding Adyashanti’s knowledge… and cover…for Nome, Russell Smith and Candace O’Denver:

I begin with a ‘bit’ of clarification regarding Kiran’s ‘honesty’….

While, I appreciated the feminine aspect of authenticity that Kiran Trace deJaray brought to the teachings there was, also, an obvious dishonesty regarding the reason and purpose of the time she spent with me.

She was not the only one in such a position.

Kiran was one of several who had been sent to spend time with me. This may have even been a paid job as it was with the following:

-Michael Harrington 

-Steven Walters

-Marilyn Madden

-Kiran Trace

All 4 have very close ties with Adyashanti. 

Those four (and, later, Prajna Ginty and Kristy Thompson) spent inordinate amounts of time with me. 

https://integrityintruth.com/the-primary-collusive-support-of-adyashanti/

Marilyn Madden invited me to gatherings at Prema Akasha’s (she was then the “Creative Director” for Open Gate and who, now, goes by Maja Apolonia Rode) where Bentinho, Michael Harrington, Benjamin Smythe (who had his knowledge of my situation written all over his face…as did Rupert Spira during the 2 Satsangs of his that I attended in 2013 with Nishkala Leslie Jennings (who, also, was sent!!), etc would gather. 

Being from the highly air-tight and insular SAT (Society of Abidance in Truth in Santa Cruz, CA), at the time I knew none of these people.

Some have gone to great lengths to protect Adya’s brand…for obvious reasons. 

Yet, from Adya’s talks, in Santa Cruz,  the cover for Nome was apparent. 

Even mentioning such a connection of Adya’s ties with Nome to Sonya Amrita Bibilos, Marilyn Madden, John Thomas and others draws extreme reactions and, in the case of Marilyn, gaslighting that is over-the-top.

The reactions of those three tell a lot…yet SAT and Open Gate were always revolving doors.

https://integrityintruth.com/on-the-importance-of-integrity/

Mary Winslow, who was very close to my kids and who eventually left for Open Gate, wore her distress about this situation all over her face. I ran into Mary and Peter outside the Nickelodeon theater in Santa Cruz where we had just (appropriately) seen ‘Diving Bell and The Butterfly”…a movie which amazingly described being physically silenced after a car accident resulting in complete paralysis with the exception of being able to blink one eye.

I was in shock from that movie as it was the very beginning of feeling my life had literally been taken.

While much of this is sensitivity and intuition there were also clairvoyant messages, particularly of other teachers tied to Nome. I didn’t know, at the time, what clairvoyance even was/is…but thoughts/feelings of others (some whom I had never met) would come streaming in.

Why am I reporting on this? 

for myself, for Stan (my father), for Em and Ty (my daughter and son), for my two grandkids (the youngest of whom would not recognize me), for those who have also been harmed by these teachers…and, ultimately, for the Truth. 

Gratitude to one who had the courage to say it ‘out loud’:

“…everyone plays dumb to maintain a whitewashed narrative — at your expense …(and) is lying about the same thing…”

Honesty and integrity are values that I will not compromise on.

The extent of these deceptions is steep…and it is systemic.

❦ Feel free to contact me at with any questions: leslie@integrityintruth.com

Photo: A Deep Burn in what (only) appears to be Truth…taken with an iPhone 13 in NW Portland. ?⚖️?❤️

As Above So Below

As-above-so-below”…This ‘cosmic’ law can also be applied to our worldly lives. If a dynamic is happening at the collective level you can be sure that it is also happening on the individual level.

At no other time have I been shown — in such a dramatic way — this universal law than in my own life with regard to the pathological lying accepted and participated in by my former teachers and the broader non-dual community.

All along – at each step of the way – the unfolding body-politic has mirrored the dynamic of this systemic breach replete with collusion and complicity.


Thank you for following this story. ❦

If you have any comments or questions fell free to e-mail me at: leslie@leslieread

(Sri Yantra courtesy Bing Images…Exquisite Digital Art by Lioudmila Perry) 

Freedom of Expression

Flowering Maple

Many say to let go of ‘the past.’ And, yet, such an admonition can also be for purposes of concealing where there has been harm.

It is in the actual telling of such a story…and the reopening of an expression that had been shut-down (under threat)…that is the release from a ‘past.’

Two decades ago I received, in the mail, a rare copy of the book “Love Letters from Spirit to You.” This edition contained a previously unpublished 4-chapters.

There was a palpable shock that went through my system as the mailman handed me the package.

The ‘missing 4-chapters’ not previously published were significant.

Jacob Beilhart was a late 19th – early 20th century American Sage with ‘community’ in the Santa Cruz Mountains.

I opened to the following…

“…when you submit to all that is in your nature regardless as to what it has been in the past, or whether it is called good or evil, and resist not their expression even as you have not resisted the right of other persons and things to express what they would to you; when you abandon yourself entirely to all that I give you and condemn not in any expressions then I shall clear away every vestige of the past. And thus will I renew you in every part.”

Thank you for following this story. ❦

Feel free to contact me at leslie@integrityintruth.com if you have any questions.

The Out-of-Balance Dynamic of Control

It goes against every grain of our very nature as free and sovereign Beings to willingly be controlled and oppressed by any authoritarian figure…inclusive of authoritarian Gurus and teachers the spiritual arena.

“Authoritarian figures are everywhere, some of them in sheep’s clothing.”
This is, sadly, truer-than-true. Furthermore, there are many who are willing to collude with those who look to control others.

That said…things are happening in ‘real time’ these days so wherever there is someone’s sociopathic need to control…it will be met with the *exact measure* exposing that out-of-balance dynamic. If you have landed on this blog please refer to the section of this website titled “Clarification of the Videos” (and the drop-down menu) for the much fuller description of collusion and coercion in the non-dual community.

https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/

(Opening sunflower in honor of Ukraine’s full autonomy taken with an iPhone X in NW Portland)

The Play of Karma and ‘As Above, So Below’

Sri Yantra and the infinitude of the sacred geometry of ‘as above, so below’ representing the exquisite Balance of all Creation: may we honor the Integrity of That.

In order to bypass the law of ‘as above, so below’ various non-dual teachings have, for years, operated within the dualistic system of separating the universe into such dualities as ‘real and unreal’ etc. 

It provides an effective and efficient barricade to any harm that might occur within any particular ‘non-dual’ framework in what has been brilliantly described as, ultimately, ‘authoritarian.’ (See ‘resources’ below)

Combine a system in which the guru is in a ‘no-loose authoritarian situation’ with some high-level siddis (occult powers) and you’ve entered into some potentially dark-matter…and ultimately controlling, territory….as was the case in this life.

The universal law of Karma, however, exists as the purveyor of ‘as above, so below.’ 

This can certainly be seen playing out in what occurred in this life at the hands of the following teachers:

Nome (and his wife Sasvati) and Russell Smith (and his wife Helga Schleiter-Smith) of SAT, The Society of Abidance in Truth in Santa Cruz, CA and Candice O’Denver, a.k.a. Candice Rinpoche of Great Freedom/Balanced View headquartered in Marin County, CA.

Karma, ultimately, is not a punishment but a balancing of energies…a ‘boomerang’ of sorts…even of those who say they are ‘beyond karma’…as Nome, himself, said many times. 

The first 8 videos in the series ‘Information I Hold’ protected the names of the teachers involved in silencing and isolating me for a decade due to being the ‘holder’ for their lies and deceptions. That time is over.

Following is the link for Video #9: ‘Information I Hold: Naming-theNames’…

If you prefer to read the text of this video you can do so here:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/cnhrbr18iljk5yk/TEXT%20FOR%20%239%20video%20…for%20those%20who%20prefer%20to%20read.docx?dl=0

The names were originally withheld for a number of reasons, not the the least of which was due to an internal ‘death’ threat (Source: Nome) should any of the ‘information’ ever become public knowledge.

That time of being silenced…and threatened…ends with Video #9. I am no longer willing to continue to martyr this life for their lies nor for the cover-up occurring in the non-dual community.

In the words of Russell Smith during a taped, private session… “You will fall through the cracks.” 

Those ‘cracks’ were the lies and deceptions put forth by the above named teachers…lies which I was forced to hold, under threat, for a decade.

A series of actions creating a ‘final straw’ was the prompt to finally speak-the-names, openly and publicly, of those who are acting teachers and who are continuing to harm and control this life. This requires the silent and systemic complicity of the many in the non-dual community who are entirely willing to continue to cover for the above teachers and who, as a community, are engaging in airtight collusion and coercion to protect the lies and deceptions of the above-named teachers.

There has been gaslighting and scapegoating with regard to my reporting on the abuse by these teachers.

The actual teachings around ‘victim identification’ (there certainly are victims) and ‘story’ telling’ have been used to cast doubt and/or to shame with regard to this reporting. 

Regarding ‘stories’… what I am sharing is a truthful experience and observation of deception and overt control for the purpose of silencing.

That is not a “story”, in my worldview, rather it is a sharing of facts.

Thank you, always, for reading/listening. ❦

-Leslie

Photo Image: Sri Yantra (Bing.com/images)

Resources: The Guru Papers’ by Joel Kramer and Diana Alstad