….and the Empath’s Road Back to Their Authentic Self
“When someone’s shadow is reflected back through another person’s clear perception, the unconscious mind has two choices: integrate the shadow or attack the mirror. Jung documented this pattern repeatedly in his clinical work. The person who sees clearly gets blamed for creating the problems they’re merely observing.“ ~Carl Jung
This creates what Jung called the scapegoat phenomenon.
In the case here…I was merely observing the lies-and-deceptions of non-dual teachers, which I was giving-a-pass to in the name of spiritual ‘evolution’ and ‘Freedom’ when, later, non-dual teachers would make the agreed-upon decision…across the FULL non-dual teaching spectrum (including Nome, Russell Smith, Candace O’Denver, Adyashanti, Gangaji, Jeannie Zandi and many others)…to place the ENTIRETY of the burden for their lies-and-deceptions on these shoulders…and the shoulders of my family.
That criminal decision made it virtually impossible for me to be myself. Some called it a ‘Soul murder’ akin to being ‘buried alive.’
“Individuation is the courage to be oneself.” ~Carl Jung
“Highly perceptive individuals often become the designated problem in every group they enter, not because they cause problems, but because they reveal problems that already exist in the collective unconscious. Jung observed: “The bearer of superior perception becomes the repository for all that the group cannot consciously acknowledge about itself. This pattern explains why these individuals don’t just feel misunderstood, they feel systematically targeted by a force they can’t rationally explain.” -Carl Jung
In the most recent months of my healing journey, I began to piece-back-together the “Soul fragmentation” that was a result of having been silenced (under a death threat) and isolated at the hands of non-dual teachers. When those teachers made their decision to scapegoat me I was silenced (under a death threat) for a decade+…to ensure those lies would never never become public knowledge. This criminality has been described as a ‘Soul murder’ akin to being ‘buried alive.’ Those are absolutely accurate descriptions of the feeling of what occurred here. There has been zero accountability and no one who said “this is not right.”
It would be the Jungian teachings…along with the understanding of Evolutionary Astrology which Jung, also, intuitively understood and adhered to… that provided some of the deepest-and-clearest answers as to “why?”
⚛️ The Mystery of Past Lives: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-mystery-of-past-lives
“What really happens when you, finally…perhaps after lifetimes…begin to love yourself?”
According to Carl Jung, self-love is not a mindset or a motivational habit. It is a psychological transformation that restructures your entire relational world. You no longer accept certain behaviors; you establish boundaries where, before, there were none AND this new energy frequency repels some people/things/situations and newly attracts others who are more in alignment with your current, evolved vibrational energy.
As is often-the-case, an unexpected catalyst arrived in this life…one that would ultimately demand my own self-respect and self-love.
In this life, individuation would be unexpectedly-and-intensely catalyzed through a connection with a man I was deeply attracted to. This man was very adept at tantra: in this case, a tantra used for emotional manipulation (one could call that ‘toxic tantra’ – a deeply controlling drug-like sexual method that, I intuited, was directed by Gangaji and Eli Jaxon-Bear, during this man’s visit to Ashland). It turned out this was a man who also knew of my former teachers and of what occurred at their hands. With the connection to this man those teachers were hoping for a ‘sexual awakening’ upon which they would, then, restore my estranged family which Nome had restricted. (In certain cultures and spiritual traditions, the manipulation of families was often used to force certain spiritual outcomes.)
Obviously this man was not being forthcoming-and-honest with me about the connection with those teachers…or anything else in his life.
That betrayal ultimately forced-my-hand and re-organized the entirety of how I looked at myself, my world, my truth and The Universe.
In this profound sense, that man was an evolutionary catalyst and ultimate Blessing in this life.
Up until this point, I had been led to believe, especially in the non-dual teachings I was involved with for over 20+ years, that to deny oneself is the way to spiritual freedom. The standard ego-diminishment approach of radical, transcendent-addicted non-duality.
No doubt that radical approach to transcendent awakening can work (depending on what you consider ‘awake’) especially in an airtight, insular environment where there has been an establishment of “complete trust.” I saw this approach be successful with a handful of friends who, then, looked horrified as they could, finally, see what I had been forced to hold for years.
For many years, I felt that my trust and devotion was, certainly, strong enough to withstand such a complete ‘erasure.’
That was until that trust would be completely betrayed beginning with the ‘character assassination’ and numerous instances that culminated in Russ stating (in a taped session) that “we had to pick someone” indicating that I would be sidelined out of “Sudden Awakening” as I would be, ultimately, at SAT several years later. This sidelining was ALL due to seeing through the lies of these teachers.
⚛️ Character Assassination: https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/character-assassination/
⚛️ The Existential Danger of Radical Non-Duality: https://leslieread.substack.com/p/the-existential-danger-of-radical
The connection with this catalyst man forced the unspoken ultimatum of a profound Love…but only if I would continue to:
– betray myself
– betray my family and
– betray the truth of a situation.
It was a betrayal SO UTTERLY COMPLETE: asking me to uphold the lies of non-dual teachers…to succumb to the very real occult (via siddis) manipulation of my family and to uphold a patriarchal, transcendent teaching that I no longer believed in as being the liberating teaching. All of those, together, was something I could NOT do.
It would take me many months of back-and-forth and for my conscious understanding to seep down in to exactly what my Soul was demanding. I was intensely attracted to this man and was, at that point, emotionally starved from the existential restriction of an ‘auric block’ which restricted all relations, primarily intimate relationships, for obvious reasons.
Over the following months, noticeably beginning around June of 2025, I began to see the actual play of this unconscious attachment…and how my connection to this man was being weaponized by non-dual teachers to ensure their lies and deceptions would never become public knowledge. My former teachers, no doubt, felt my empathic over-giving, people-pleasing nature would continue in her self-betrayal…especially as I had been blocked and surveilled (via ‘auric block’ and ‘psychic implant’) from relations, primarily intimate ones, for over a decade…a block that would affect every single area of my life: mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, familial etc.
It was the connection with this man, who touted his own self-love…as any proud Leo is apt to do (!)…that began to catalyze my own journey of self-love, self-respect and, ultimately, back to myself. Slowly, I stopped negotiating my own self-worth for access-to-love and I stopped bargaining my unconsciously devalued-self and began to return to my own inner authority. Belonging, no matter who or what it’s to would never require you to betray yourself.
Finally, I stopped negotiating my self-worth for this man’s access.
When I finally decided “no more”…this man said “I don’t know if I should be glad or sad for you.” That was as close as he would ever get to being honest with me.
When I was forced, under threat for more than a decade, to be the “holder” for the lies and deceptions of non-dual teachers it became impossible to “become who I truly was.”
“Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.”~Brene Brown
Self-betrayal is the empath’s learned survival strategy and mechanism. This was, absolutely acknowledged by Nome…indeed, he would rely on my compliance to ensure the corruption in the non-dual space would never become public knowledge.
The empath learns to bargain their Soul and soften their boundaries in order to become acceptable.
This was definitely reinforced in the non-dual path…as it is in many traditions.
“Boundaries are an act of selfishness” and “Victims are violent people.” ~Byron Katie
An interesting memory came up when I was contemplating this aspect of the empath: I remember exactly the moment of recognition by Nome, in the middle of a talk, when he acknowledged, in silence, the ‘spiritual’ aspect of my own propensity of over-giving, akin to the martyr complex in Catholicism. It was a moment of understanding regarding the mutual symbiotic relationship between the empath and the controlling doctrine involving lies and deceptions of this teacher.
It was about people who see everything others miss, and why this ability destroys them. In his clinical practice, Jung documented patients with what he called “differentiated perception.” Individuals who could read micro-expressions, sense hidden emotions, and perceive psychological patterns that escaped everyone else. They saw through social masks, detected lies instantly, and felt the unconscious tensions in every room. Jung called this discovery “dangerous” because these people consistently ended up isolated, exhausted, and unable to maintain normal relationships. ~Carl Jung
People began to disappear as I was growing into myself. Deep inside I knew this was/is no mistake. I could feel the profound inner re-alignment under way. For the first time in this life…and no doubt lifetimes…I was beginning to feel like myself. There would be the felt snapshots-of-perception when, interiorly, everything fell into alignment. This was a new sensation. As this Self began to become the center of my psyche, relationships…and everything else not in that same frequency…began to reorganize naturally. This feels to be the ongoing process of lifetime(s).
…a LONG time!
Thank you for following this journey of a Soul reclaiming herself. No doubt this is the path of many sensitive beings.
As I grow in my own process I will add posts of the Wisdom of Carl Jung as it pertains to the empath and the process of individuation. There are, currently, many videos that beautifully capture and animate the teachings of Carl Jung…especially regarding the psychology of the empath and the, oftentimes, arduous road to individuation and the role of the healed empath.
A couple examples:
“The empathic individuals inability to forgive emotional deception isn’t weakness. Jung would call it the Wisdom of the integrated Self… the ultimate act of psychological integrity.”
⚛️ “The one emotional mistake super empaths never forgive”… https://youtu.be/bOQzQiT15CY
⚛️ Why Empaths Who Stop Caring Become the Most Dangerous of All…(it’s never that we ‘stop’ caring!) yet this is a powerful video: https://youtu.be/xwALbIQayX4
Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or would like to discuss an aspect of your own journey.
Warmly,
-Leslie@integrityintruth.com
⚛️ And on substack: https://substack.com/@leslieread/posts
Next up: The False Sense of Belonging…and other aspects, links and videos pertaining to Carl Jung and the liberating process of individuation.