Right around the time I discovered Eckhart Tolle and ‘The Power of Now’ I joined a weekend phone meeting with Jeannie Zandi and then, later, another with Stephen Bodian.
Intuitively and, more specifically, clairvoyantly in relation to my questions it was clear that Jeannie and Stephen, both, were covering for Nome et al and knew of what I was forced to carry.
Friends who were/are connected with Jeannie Zandi…and who were and are aware of what I had been forced to hold…include: Paul Kauffman, Cynthia Gramer, Lisa Lindenlaub and Traci Fest Shaw.
During a weekend phone gathering with Jeannie Zandi I attempted to describe the feeling of being forced to hold onto something which I could not disclose.
Jeannie asked me “…what if I had to hold on to the ‘something’ I had described, forever?”
As soon as Jeannie asked that question I knew…beyond any doubt…that she was covering-for the lies of Nome etc. by using the very teachings to exert influence over my own sovereign voice and gaslight me into silence. A cold chill went through my entire Being.
That type of gaslighting and scapegoating…using the very teachings… in order to silence the one reporting on existential harm and control was one of the very earliest examples of collusion and outright coercion in the non-dual community.
This was the very beginning of seeing of what I already intuitively felt to be a much more systemic cover for the deceptions of my former teachers. ⚛️https://www.dropbox.com/s/hga3c7zpo1v973j/ASI%20Letter%2003%3A06%3A23.pdf?dl=0
Looking back, I can see how my own compliance of holding anyone who is awakened as ‘spiritual authority’…no matter who they were/are…gave free reign to their actions no matter who is harmed in the process.
That spiritual concept had been heavily engrained and, to this day, there are remnants of that indoctrination over two decades later.
The following describes more of what was an odd combination of ‘control’ couched in ‘support.’
Prior to leaving SAT I became acquainted with the teachings of Bentinho Massaro who was presenting, what I felt were, pure Dzogchen teachings. These were presented in pithy statements on Facebook and, even more importantly, in his truly brilliant, early walking videos.
There was a depth combined with an utter ease and playfulness with an obvious extreme intelligence that, combined, had the potential of an incredible teacher.
Following his posts on FB I left SAT with a secure feeling that I could be with a teaching that was much more in alignment than the airtight insularity of the teachings of seclusion, renunciation and negation found at SAT.
There was great support for this move to be with Bentinho. That support was, I later learned, more of the extended arm of control. The connection with Bentinho came in the guise of ‘support’ that was/is, ultimately, tied to SAT and control over this life.
In 2010 Bentinho and his, then, partner Karen Richards came to stay with me for 3 weeks on Bentinho’s 1st trip to the states.
While Bentinho had consistently denied knowing my former teachers (as did everyone), it was confirmed by long-standing member of SAT and co-worker at Cabrillo College, Tim Frank, that Bentinho had, indeed, been sent to “replace the spiritual community” I was forced to leave due to being the ‘holder’ for the lies of Nome, Russ and Candace.
The extreme arrogance of lying is based on the assumption that the deception cannot be seen through. Ultimately it’s the arrogance of a (false) superiority.
In 2011 Nishkala Leslie Jennings befriended me on FaceBook under the guise that our common name, Leslie, carried an energetic connection.
In the moment, this was felt as utterly insincere. Yet, I was still beholden to the ‘authority’ of those who considered themselves ‘awake’ to the non-dual truth and the notion that that was/is the ‘complete’ truth. As such I was utterly supplicant to most everything that was being sent to me for purposes of subtle coercion (to ensure my silence). I went along with the lies.
Nishkala, and her friend Rosemary Cochran, arranged a visit to see me in 2011. It was at that moment in my kitchen as I was facing Rosemary…with Nishkala standing behind me…that Rosemary began to say something about my former teacher, Nome. As soon as she began to speak I noticed Nishkala’s hands waving to her to remain silent about any knowledge of Nome! In a not-so-subtle-way this was one of the more overt giveaways of an early cover-up that, overtime, came in the guise of ‘friendship’ of the many who were sent my way.
One could say they were sent for ‘friendship’ but, more accurately, they were sent to control the ‘information’ I was being forced (under threat) to hold. Once again: the arrogance.
True ‘friends’ do not lie to you.
It was also in 2011 (or 12) that I had a couple sessions with Jon Bernie in San Francisco to help with guidance on the existential burden I was carrying. It still had not dawned on me that everyone was lying to me…or I wasn’t willing to admit it.
This time period was before realizing the familial controls…and well before I started reporting on what I was holding…no less naming-names.
I reported to Jon about the middle-of-the-night ‘death threat’ whose energetic signature was Nome. I got up the next morning from that threat shaken to the bone and unable to speak.
That extreme threat is the one that silenced me for several years afterwards...and reduced the entirety of my communication to emojis.
That internal ‘death threat’ happened in 2011, just prior to going up to help with Bentinho’s San Rafael retreat.
Several weeks after that ‘death threat’ Sasvati (aka Judy, Nome’s wife and siddha master herself) appeared in front of me in line at Home Depot.
Jon Bernie confirmed that Sasvati’s message was the same.…that my life depended on my remaining silent about what I knew and was forced (under threat) to hold. These teachers effectively foisted their own karma on these shoulders to bear the burden for their own lies and deceptions.
Throughout my sessions with Jon he indicated that he did not know Nome. No surprise here! Yet, as with many others, there were indications that he indeed, DID know Nome. This, too, was later confirmed in an e-mail correspondence with the SAT office.
For many years I succumbed to the threats of having my expression silenced and remaining mute. I felt powerless against siddha controls and the, later, extreme auric violations. I could not discuss my life…or have a life…with anyone, especially my family.
As Jon Bernie said in a session: “You cannot awaken without expression.” Worse yet…not only could I not ‘awaken’ but I would, also, be greatly restricted in all areas of my life inclusive of communication with everyone.
What was occurring was not only an existential threat, in the words of Aile Shebar it was “akin to being buried alive.” That is a very accurate description. This was essentially a Soul murder.
The turning point would be much later when I could no longer remain silent in the face of the the dark blackmail of familial manipulation.
Around the same time as Bentinho’s visit, several people associated with Adyashanti were introduced into this dynamic. In addition to Jon Bernie, Marilyn Madden and Prema Akasha (now Maja Apolonia Rodé) there were other connections with Adya affiliates which included meetings with Susanne Marie, Kiran Trace de Jaray, Marlies Cocheret and John Astin., all teachers who had been asked to teach by Adyashanti.
In 2011, Marilyn Madden (long-time family friend of Adyashanti, Mukti and Adya’s father) invited me up to Prema Akasha’s (Maja Apolonia Rodé) home for a gathering. Prema was then the ‘Creative Director’ for Adya’s organization ‘Open Gate.’
I drove myself to San Jose, and upon entering Prema’s apartment, the first words I heard upon entering Prema’s apartment were “Humans are meant to be in relationship.” These were spoken as soon as I walked in by Aleece Marie (Chetana), Michael Harrington’s former wife. I cannot even say how utterly staged that felt…even in the moment.
Intuitively, this was overtly suspicious to hear upon first entering…. especially after Nome had told me that “the hardest thing for me would be to not be able to be in a relationship.” At the time I had no idea what Nome meant by that…but, only later, would find out about the ‘auric block.’ That would be the single-most controlling psychic violation that existentially affected every single aspect of my life.
That occult violation involving ‘auric block’ would not only keep me silenced but would essentially terminate this life…effectively akin to being ‘buried alive.’ This was an accurate description by Aile Shebar.
Stranger yet were the overly-sweet reactions of everyone as I took my place on the couch.
The set-up was obvious from the get-go.
Who was there? Bentinho, Prema Akasha (now Maja Apolonia Rodé), Marilyn Madden, Michael Harrington, Karen Richards, Ben Smythe (one of the 1st to give me a deeply sympathetic look as he knew what was happening), Aleece Marie …and a few others.
This gathering was a set-up to get me to meet, and ultimately be with, Michael Harrington. It was the beginning of one of many Adya connections. There were other Adya messages…in Satsang, internally and particularly later in his program on ‘Redemptive Love’ which was released during the ‘Compression Years.’ ⚛️https://integrityintruth.com/clarification-of-videos/the-compression-years-2013-2015/
Early on, I clairvoyantly experienced the concern from one of my former teachers that if there was intimacy with Michael he might reveal that he knew Nome…and of their scheme to silence and isolate me.
In the meantime, Ramana Spencer and others were pressuring me to join Bentinho in North Carolina.
Ramana Spencer, was one of my first friends on Facebook. He denied knowing Nome even though the very first post I saw of his was a quote straight out of the SAT publication of Nome’s ‘Ribhu Gita!!’
There was great coercive pressure…primarily from Ramana…to move across the country to work for Bentinho’s ‘organization.’ One day in a conversation with Kiran Trace de Jaray she compassionately encouraged me to fully honor my “No!” as my “Yes.” That advice was a literal Lifesaver.
During my few months with Michael Harrington he would never admit to being sent by Nome…until one day when we were engaged in some automatic writing. I put the question to him point blank. Michael’s response indicated what I already knew.
While I cannot prove this it, also, became apparent that some of the above mentioned had actually been ‘hired’ by SAT to ensure the control over this life. This is no conspiracy. The amount of time spent with me, and the fact that many of these folks had a very difficult time with any income, led to the very obvious conclusion of a teacher, Nome, wanting to ‘help’ me given that I was being literally forced to hold their lies.
Who were the SAT hires?
-Bob Haber who was renting the garage apartment where my father had lived and who watched my every move. Bob was also one of my first of ‘friends’ at SAT. One afternoon he confirmed what I already knew to be true…that the animosity between the brothers…and the entire court case…was a complete ruse.
-Bentinho Massaro -Michael Harrington -Marilyn Madden -Kiran Trace de Jaray -Steven Walters who I initially connected with out of a love for his music. This will be discussed in a later post describing ‘The Compression Years’…a morbidly accurate term designated by SAT and told to me by my father’s longtime partner, Jenny Birnbach…who is still a member of SAT. -Nishkala Leslie Jennings and Rosemary Cochran. When asking me about Nome, standing behind me was Nishkala waving her hands to Rosemary to indicate not to talk of my former teacher!
One evening while driving Jenny Birnbach (partner to my late father, Stan Rice) home from dinner together she said in a serious tone: “I think you should move out of the state.”
At the time, I felt resistance to that…yet her urgency was deeply noted.
It was not until much later…around 2017…that I began to realize the need to leave Santa Cruz.
In 2012 I was still working at Cabrillo College in a job that literally sucked every ounce of creative energy out of me. I knew that if I quit that job there would be a domino effect of having to sell the house and…FINALLY…being free of the physical surveillance of Bob Haber.
It was in a Skype meeting with Bentinho…after he had moved to North Carolina…that, thankfully, he encouraged me to leave a job, or anything, that I did not absolutely love. That was the best advice ever as I was, literally, smothered by boredom in that job.
Of course with my leaving my job at the college I would have to sell the house. There was HUGE pushback from Bob…likely directed by Nome…to prevent me from selling the house. This included taking me to court! After all, if I was not tied to my job or to the house my former teachers might loose a bit of the surveillance control they had over me. Thankfully, Bob’s objection was duly thrown out by the judge.
Conversations with Tibi Strazerra and Lila Sterling during the last year at the College were a saving grace. Yet, at no time could I tell them what I had been forced to hold. However, it was clear that Tibi knew especially after she came to my office to preach on forgiveness.
The next two posts will cover the part that Adyashanti and Gangaji played in covering for these lies and how their influence kept me silent for several more years.
These posts are mere outlines. The control was not only intense but involved the complicity of many players. ❦
Thank you for your continued interest in my reporting on this story of systemic control and collusive cronyism throughout the non-dual community. If you have any questions, whatsoever, please email me at: ⚛️Leslie@IntegrityInTruth.com.
(All the photos with the exception of Jeannie Zandi and Jon Bernie (courtesy Google search)…are photos taken by Leslie Read.)
